is it okay if i have to imagine god as a santa klaus jolly dad kind of figure in order to be connected to him? i love jesus but i heavily dislike the authoritarian god of the old testament. i don’t like the concept of obedience and the story of genesis as it is written. i love and adore jesus and i would love for him to be god. idk. i also don’t believe in hell and really empathize with lucifer and have a hard time accepting a god that wants me to he subjugated to him. the story of god becoming man seems to go completely against that but it’s all in the same religion and I either feel like I have to pick and choose in this sort of ridiculous way or just leave it all together
Hello, friend! Thank you for sending this. It is a tough question that I've been mulling over and chewing on for a couple of days now. I probably do not have all the answers as I wrestle with God nearly every week and it's been hard for me the last few days. I will try to respond in the most compassionate but honest way I possibly can. Also, be prepared for a long answer because this isn't something I can answer with a few short sentences.
I think you have a lot of compassion, which is a really good thing. It speaks a lot about your character having sympathy even for the devil and having worries or scruples with the Jewish bible, or as we tend to call it the Old Testament. This is very normal and it's a sensible in a way to find the God of the OT to seem contradictory to the God in Jesus Christ in the New Testament. This isn't new and scholars and theologians much smarter than I have been debating this for centuries.
However, I must caution against seeing God as a jolly Santa Claus figure rather than what He is. In western culture, Santa Claus is a jolly old elf-like entity who gives gifts and is pretty happy all the time. He cares about children. That's all well and good, but God is much more than that. Painting him like Santa Claus is painting Him as a one-dimensional figure. God is more than a kind father who gives gifts to good children. God is both justice and mercy. When He tested Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his son Isaac, it wasn't just a test of obedience and willingness, it was likely also a punishment for what Abraham did to the enslaved concubine Agar and her son Ishmael, whom he cast out (Genesis 21:9-14, 22: 1-18). But in this story we also see God being called "The one who sees me" but that same Agar who'd been cast out because of Sarah's (Abraham's wife) pettiness.
The other thing you have to understand is that it is unlikely that Genesis might not be as literal as we might think. There's no historical evidence of an Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, etc. It was too far into the past and these stories were told over and over by word of mouth until they were written down. They're real in the sense that the ancient Israelites had to come from somewhere. It's like how we know there was never any half-bull, half-man cannibalistic monster in the Bronze Age, but there was a society in Crete that had a culture and religion strongly tied to bulls. Through a game of ancient telephone, the lost civilization of Crete got translated into the story of an Athenian hero named Theseus killing the minotaur, which also became part propaganda for the city of Athens. Genesis was written by the Jews to describe their origin story in the way it made sense to them. It comes as literalistic, extraordinary, and hyperbolic in some places. That is why it can't be taken as an accurate historical text.
I think it's really unfair to describe God as "authoritarian" when He literally is the Creator of all living things. Throughout the Bible, He is asking for humanity to partake in a relationship with Him, but humans keep falling short. He comes back again and again, trying to show where they went wrong. Sometimes it's with punishment, sometimes it comes as consequences made by their own actions, and sometimes it's showing mercy after penance. You can't have one terrible God of the OT and a friendly, less mean God of the NT. They're the same God. You can't pluck Jesus out of the Bible and make Him separate from the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Without Genesis, Christianity is without foundation, and so too does anything about Jesus. The first disciples were Jews. Jesus' family was Jewish. He participated in the Jewish traditions and religion of His day. None of which can be taken out of the context of Genesis and the rest of the Jewish text.
I would also strongly caution have too much sympathy for the devil. While I myself swing between belief and unbelief in the literal figure of Satan, I find his figure to be one of a betrayer. There isn't much to sympathize with Satan. If what Christian theologians have written about him are true, then he stands against humanity. He is a fallen angel of his own free will. There have been a number of reasons in Christian, Jewish, and Islamic texts. The three major ones are: refusal to bow to mankind (God's creation), the culmination of a gradual distancing from God through rebellion, and refusal to be subject to the Son (Jesus). According to most Catholic sources I've come across, Satan and other demons are still technically still angels and because of that supernatural nature have a disdain for humanity because we have bodies and considered to be disgusting because we need to eat, drink, and remove waste, and yes, engage in sexual intercourse. Satan also thinks of himself like God and doesn't need to bow down to any part of God's creation, including but especially humans. I find it hard to empathize with someone who wants me dead, but I suppose in some ways I can see where someone might feel sorry for him.
To me, the figure of Satan shifts between a real embodiment of rebellion and hatred for humanity, a manifestation of the evil that can be hidden in the human heart, or a really mean prosecuting lawyer. With the last aspect, Satan is trying his damnedest (pun intended) to see us condemned. He wants us to believe we're gross, sinful creatures who don't deserve mercy, kindness, or redemption. Luckily, we have the most awesome defense attorney. Jesus Christ stands with us between the Father, acting as our advocate and vouching for us. "For there is one God, and one mediator of God and men, the man Christ Jesus: Who gave Himself a redemption for all, a testimony in due time" (1 Timothy 2: 5-6).
Hell was originally created for the fallen angels. However, unlike depictions of hell, I do not think it is a literal place of eternal torture. What can God do with a soul that doesn't want forgiveness of their sins and does not want to be in the same place as God? Forcing them to remain with and in Him goes against the consensual and reciprocating love He desires for humanity. If someone cannot love God, they don't want to stay wth him. Heaven is the eternal presence with and in God while hell is the opposite, completely devoid of God, which can seem like punishment. However, since God cannot force Himself on a person who rejects Him and there is no way to force someone to remain in God's presence thanks to free will, they eject themselves outside. While I certainly hope that there are very few souls in hell, or possibly empty, I do believe that the truly unrepentant do not share the same place as the ones who sought forgiveness. Because I'm not God nor do I think of myself as a holy person with wisdom enough to perceive what's going on in the afterlife, I cannot say for certain. Who is in heaven and who is in hell is for God to know and for the rest of us to find out on the day of Judgement.
And as to your last point, I'd like to say that even Jesus Christ was subjugated to His own Father (1 Corinthians 15:28). God walked among us and subjected His own Flesh to mortal weaknesses and frailty, even to the point of death. This is what the Father commanded, and this is what the Son offered Himself to do. It is often not a faith for the softhearted, I'm afraid. You can seek a more child-parent relationship with God like in Matthew 19:14 ("Suffer little children and forbid them not to come to me, for the kingdom of heaven is for such"), though even through that a child is subject to their parents in most ways.
I can certainly emphasize with the struggle over obedience. We humans can be stubborn as mules, and I myself sometimes find it difficult to obey God's commandments. The price of obedience can be steep and goes against the grain of what we want freedom with God to feel like. There times when rules and expectations feel like a burden. But willing subjugation is rewarded beyond measure. Obedience through fear and fear of hell and torment is not what God desires. Subjection of oneself through free will and love of God is the goal and is much more beautiful and desired by God than to force oneself into submission through following rules and mortification of the flesh beyond what is appropriate for one's station in life, and certainly better than cruel subjugation of other people by shoving religion down someone else's throat.
I do certainly want for everyone to come to know God in Jesus Christ, but I recognize that is not what everyone can or want to do. The best advice I can give at this time is to mediate on what I've said and ask God to open your heart to Him in whatever manner will work best for the both of you.
