#tertiary se

[lilylollipop96]

Tertiary Se

do you ever do something really fantastic but really reckless and it's awesome and then you're thinking about it later and you realize that was your tertiary se going on a binge?...hehe...

[entjxistp-blog]

ENTP x ENTJ

ENTP female and I (ENTJ female) are walking out of a meeting together. I have my skateboard with me.

ENTP: Oh man, skating is seriously so much fun. I thought, "There aren't many girls who skateboard, so I should learn. It can't be THAT hard."

ENTP: ...

ENTP: Turns out, it's hard.

ENTP: There was this one time when I was skating, and I slipped, and my skateboard went flying onto the street and ALMOST got hit by a bus, like INCHES away from the bus' wheels, and I had JUST gotten that skateboard too.

ENTP: This kid was busting his ass, laughing at me, as he gave me my skateboard back. I was SO embarrassed.

ENTJ: Dang, that sucks haha. I've done the same once or twice. How long have you been skating?

ENTP: About...a year and a half? But I'm still working on riding straight and turning and stopping. No tricks. What about you?

ENTJ: Uhhh...a month? Two months?

ENTP: WHAATTTTT

ENTP: AND YOU'RE ALREADY RIGDING ON THE STREET HOW

ENTP: HAOWHJOOOW

[sur-pentanguine]

On anxiety: I'm an ENTJ who's been going through a lot of stress lately, and I have the opposite problem. I've become uncharacteristically reckless: I want to achieve my long-term goals so badly, but my Se pushes my Ni in front of a train and goes "SCREW IT ALL, just totally wing this very important thing you've been planning for MONTHS!" Then there's my Fi, which withdraws into a corner and bursts into tears at the mere thought of putting actual Te effort into my plans. Anxiety=tert/inf. hell

[mbti-notes]

Hi. I'm an ENFJ, i'm sorry if this is a common Fe-Ti issue but I keep Ti gripping, and I end up being really anxious/depressed all the time. Whenever I cry or get the stress out I start to get some insight and know what to do. For example one of the times I thought that I should work on my self esteem because it wasn't other people's opinions of me that was getting me down it was my own. Afterwards I felt so good because things made sense and I had a plan. It was about me, it was something good,

[con’t: it was for my own genuine well being, just like it keeps on happening but then something happens a few hours later and no matter what i end up being stressed again and I end up gripping and any self-help research I do ends up making me stressed and not being about me helping myself at all. I don’t understand this. In those moments I genuinely care about getting better and I’m so intent on trying but it just disappears somehow. I want to feel like that again, and I don’t know what’s going on. Is it because in those moments I see myself feeling bad and want to help and other moments I just don’t? Is it stress that is the issue? I feel completely helpless and confused, do you have any ideas? Thanks.]

This generally tends to happen when Ni is underdeveloped and a person is prone to Se loop. Fe-Se loop means that you are impulsive and compulsively react to every little thing that happens to you, but in such a way that the reaction is completely out of proportion with the original stimulus because you have blown it up to be bigger than it really is (i.e. unable to use the lower function properly). Unconsciously, you have excessively rigid Ni expectations that reality should be a certain way, and when it inevitably isn’t, Se overreacts in a lame attempt to force things. 

If auxiliary Ni was developed well, you’d be able to introspect well, which would help you to: 1) zoom out and keep your eye on your greater purpose and return to significant truths as you would return to an important touchstone, 2) pause and question whether it is really necessary for you to react so intensely, or question whether you are actually apprehending the situation accurately before reacting hastily, 3) get in touch with the truth of yourself and how you feel, which allows you space to manage what you feel instead of just mindlessly reacting.

[mbti-notes]

Could you advice on how to properly receive love? I am entj and rarely be in relationship. I notice that whenever someone likes me,I'd always push them away so they'd leave me alone. I am afraid I have intimacy problem. To be noted, I have always been loved for what I have done (accomplishment) so I never show my vulnerability side. There is a person who likes me and being so kind and I blame myself everyday for not being able to be nice back to him. I might like him too,it hurts when I hurt him

To love someone involves accepting someone for who they are and appreciating the whole of them, good and bad. Therefore, to receive someone’s love involves allowing them in, making yourself emotionally available and fully visible to them. It follows then that the underside of love is that you open yourself up to the risk of being judged, rejected, or hurt by the person you most want affirmation from. You can’t have only the good side of anything; gaining something important always involves risking something important.

The question is whether you fully understand the risk and the gain. Are you going to live your life never taking any risks? If you would rather spend your life alone with your work, then I am in no position to judge you for your personal choice. However, it sounds like you like this person and want this new experience? You risk something by opening up to love, but what could you gain? Right now, it seems you only focus on what you can lose when the potential for gain is enormous.

The capacity to receive love hinges on self-acceptance. If there are aspects of yourself that you dislike, hate, or avoid (out of fear or shame), then how could you let someone in to see those things when you’re trying so desperately to hide them even from yourself? Before you can receive love from someone, you first need to understand how to love yourself, warts and all. This requires type development, i.e., not only seeing your strengths but also acknowledging the weaknesses of your personality (see the Type Development guide). Until you can confront and accept the aspects of yourself that produce fear or shame, you will live your life completely controlled and locked in by that fear or shame.

Even if this situation doesn’t work out in the end, you will still grow and learn important things about yourself because of stretching beyond your comfort zone, whereas staying in your comfort zone only nets you momentary comfort. If you say ‘no’ to this opportunity to grow, you severely limit yourself only to the few aspects of life where you feel most competent. Eventually, you’ll get bored there and regret not being more courageous, but by then the opportunity will have passed you by. Life is short, how many great opportunities for love do you think will knock on your door?

[mbti-notes]

Hi there! I’m an entj who needs some advice. I started college recently and have been struggling to pick out a career since early high school. Throughout high school I couldn’t pick out anything that I could envision myself doing for the rest of my life. For me I want to have an idea of what direction my life will be taking over the years. I am just stressed out because I have this ambiguity in my life where I don’t have a set plan in place. When I do try to talk to others about this (1/3)

[con’t: how I feel regarding my career hunt they usually tell me not to stress out having a blueprint for the next 40 or so years of my life. Also that I shouldn’t worry about finding the “perfect” job because I could change my mind or direction but for me I want to create a singular path that my life takes. Even I know this isn’t exactly normal to prioritize future plans this much when I try to just focus on what’s happening now. However when I do take the advice and try to ignore making anymore future plans I find myself more stressed than when I didn’t have any idea of future careers. Obviously you know way more about MBTI than me cause you’re the OG but I think this is an overreliance on Ni but ignoring Se? Do you have any advice on finding a balance between me wanting to have future plans but not completely ignoring what’s happening around me? Also bless you and you’re amazing blog.]

Yes, you are correct, it stems from Ni and Se imbalance. Thinking about the future is a good thing because it informs you about what you should do today to achieve your dreams. However, thinking about the future is rather useless if it leads to you neglecting the present. In other words, the future is important, but it is not more important than everything else in life. Being too rigid in your conceptualization of the future and how life “should” be lived amounts to constantly setting yourself up for disappointment at best and failure at worst.

Even if you have a set plan for the future, you cannot control everything that happens: circumstances change, you change, people change, the world is always changing. If you refuse to acknowledge and adapt to change, you cause yourself unnecessary grief. It is a challenge for all NJs to put the future in proper perspective and value the present in equal measure. Otherwise, they risk becoming what they most fear, which is a person who lives in regret because of having wasted their life only “chasing” things, incapable of feeling satisfied no matter what they achieve, incapable of appreciating what they already have. At their worst, they become selfish, entitled, and ungrateful.

The basic problem is that you’re having trouble picking out a career. The solution should involve: 1) making a proper plan to explore your options thoroughly, and 2) narrowing down those options systematically according to set criteria.

For step one, systematically research the fields available to you, according to your interests if you like, or branch out if you like, it’s up to you. Get the plain facts so that you do not operate on assumptions or prejudices about different sorts of jobs. This step should help you feel more in control because you’re productively working towards a tangible goal.

For step two, come up with a list of concrete criteria that you will use to evaluate whether a career option is good/bad for you. Reflect on what you really want out of a career AND WHY, ask yourself whether your needs, preferences, values, and expectations are really reasonable. Avoid perfectionistic thinking because no job is ever perfect. Every job has its fair share of stresses and annoyances. Look at what positive aspects of a job most engage you but don’t forget to look at the negative side and what disadvantages you’re willing to accept for the advantages. If you want to “have it all”, you’ll be indecisive because you’re dwelling in fantasy.

Right now, you have a problem and perhaps it makes you feel powerless to struggle so long with it. You treat the problem as an existential one instead of a practical one, so of course it messes with your emotions. It is a practical problem that needs a practical solution. You are not defined solely by the work you do or your ability to efficiently reach goals. There is more to you than that, there is more to life than that, so broaden your perspective. If you want to value career andhave a predictable path into the future, it’s a choice that you make, which is fine. But realize that it’s just one way of approaching life and there are other valid ways. Career is very important but it is not a life/death issue and treating it as one means driving yourself crazy for no good reason.

[mbti-notes]

As an enfj in my early twenties, I can see my Se develop. I use it better by trying to realise my Ni visions. Also I can live more in the moment and go with the flow. Is this how Se develops? How can I tap into my inferior function now that my first three functions are well used? Ive read all ur guides. But I still can't figure out inf ti.

When Ni and Se are mature, Ti will start to click into place, so you are not there yet, and it’s not really reasonable to think you could be in your early twenties. You describe the very obvious ways Se develops as regurgitated straight from the guide, however, it is difficult to recognize the subtly negative aspects of the auxiliary and tertiary functions in yourself as an individual. Do you really understand all the ways that you can and do misuse Ni and Se? For instance, ENJs often don’t realize until too late how impatient or overeager they really are for results, unable to spot when they want too much, too fast, too soon, then getting disappointed (even your question is some evidence of this). In your early twenties, you are still somewhat naive in your hopes and dreams for the future, but reality will catch up with you later. I’m not saying this to be discouraging, I’m only saying that developing Ni and Se is not as easy as it seems at first glance, especially because Ni in particular requires a lot of learning and life experience to deepen and mature. The way you describe developing your functions is very superficial, just like following an instruction manual, do this this and that and then you’re golden, but that’s not how it works. You have to find your very own unique way of expressing functions with deeper and deeper levels of awareness, which will naturally lead you to Ti development,not just imitating what you read in a guide. The fact that you rely on someone else to explain to you how to do it and have no idea about it even after reading the guide is evidence that you’ve still got a long road to travel. Ti is about independently producing sound judgment and good problem solving strategies, therefore, if you really want to develop Se and Ti, you have to face the most negative/problematic aspects of yourself, you have to observe and work on yourself during the darkest and lowest times in your life, you have to open yourself up completely to changing whatever is wrong or not working with your thinking/judgment as you go through every moment in life. You have to live by facts, not your unsubstantiated gut feelings or wavering emotions. Life is not only rainbows and low Ti makes people want to avoid darkness in life and their own inner darkness, to the point of rationalizing/lying to oneself to feel better, therefore, to develop Ti means you have to go where you most fear. I suggest you leave it for now and keep working on Ni and Se, do things in the right order.

[mbti-notes]

Hello. I was wondering if there is a difference between an ESTJ and an ENTJ when it comes to confrontation? It seems to me that an ENTJ is more comfortable with it than an ESTJ would be? Does this have something to do with tertiary Se aggressiveness? Is there a tendency for Ne/Si to be more passive-aggressive? I am more interested in about more charged-up situations, where deep feelings may be involved. Thanks!

ENTJs tend to have (sometimes blind) faith via Ni-Se that they are right and want to prove it, sometimes aggressively. ESTJs are risk averse because of Si-Ne, they are less willing to rock the boat if they cannot envision a positive outcome from doing so and low Ne makes them prone to envisioning more negative than positive outcomes, so they are likely to choose more backhanded ways to make their point heard, to mitigate the risks they see.