4 month testosterone update
I made a 2 month checkpoint a while ago, so here's to 4 months! I think ill just stick to doing updates every 2 months assuming i continue.
hair has started to thin/shed, initially it was scary but after realising that other guys im close to seem to shed as much as i do and are infact, not undergoing active and distressing hair loss, ive come to terms with it and it doesnt bother me beyond being mildly annoying. i just use it as a way to check my hair type now and see how its doing, like a checkup to make sure the effort ive been putting into my hair after years of neglecting it is actually paying off. of which it is by the way! my waves/curls are more defined. that itself could be part of T, my hair type ranges from about 1c-2c for those wondering B)
I've started to notice im developing my own distinct smell, and honestly im happy about it. i dont smell like flowers of course but for some reason smelling masculine has been something ive envied for a while. another part of it is that im VERY sensitive to scent, to a point where i could differentiate people by it, or where i would start to feel sick if i was close to someone for too long on the basis of "they smelt strong" (Not bad, just strong.) but i dont hate the way i smell which is great, im not overly sensitive to it or anything which is a massive relief. i think its nice and it reminds me of the other guys in my life. its nice even if i cover it with deodorant LOL
acne has picked up! ive been using face care again for the first time in years. luckily since im not 13 anymore and no longer adverse to self care ive been sticking to it. i dont love it for obvious reasons, it can hurt to scratch my face, but i like the texture it gives my face. i like looking more rough. i dont mind it!
sweating is still a pain, i think ive already mentioned this but i sweat more and in more places, my stomach is the most noticeable and the only place i really have to worry about if im tryna keep appearances up. sweaty stomach euuhggh
appetite has begun to calm down a bit, still larger than pre T but not as intense in the first 3 months, its easier to eat at maintenance now!
bloating has also calmed down!!!! yes!!!!!!!! its not completely gone but its far less intense and no longer fucks with me mentally. really happy about that.
the hair on my jaw has darkened and thickened, i took some photos with flash on and you could see defined sideburns. im happy with how its going! ive also started to develop more hair under my jaw/chin, but since im quite specific about facial hair ive decided to take it as an opportunity to get into the habit of shaving. stubble on your neck can be itchy ive learned. it reminds me of my dad lolol! the hair on my upper lip has also been developing same as ever, and while still not the best stache in the world, for 4 months i feel its pretty goddam good. my friends have commented on it.
more on hair growth, the hair on my legs, thighs, and arms have all been progressing as usual, but ive found the odd overly-long hair on my thighs occasionally. someones been using up all the T and leaving none for the rest... how rude... ive also noticed more foot hair which is fine, i dont really care.
muscle gain has definitely become a bit easier which is great to see!
ive been much more confident aswell, things feel easier. socialising feels like theres no pressure the moment i know what jokes to make, i can say things with no fear. people have also commented that im noticeably happier which is its own testament.
the topic of aggression and irritability is regularly discussed in regards to ftm hrt, and while i can fully see how people will ultimately try to twist it to make it out that testosterone makes you aggressive and evil, i dont fully agree with the people saying it has 0 effect on irritability. this doesnt mean either side is right, but i think only ever stating extremes of "T makes you aggressive and evil" and "T has 0 effect on irritability and makes you less angry infact" is inflammatory to an extent. in my experience, T doesnt make me get angry more often, rather, in place of times when i'd be vaguely annoyed, im just irritated or pissed off. it hasnt changed what makes me angry or when, but how i experience anger. that is to say though, hormones and emotions are highly personal. estrogen made me depressed and crying near constantly, and testosterone makes me feel angrier at the world when it sticks the finger to me. to say T has no effect on emotions is bs, its a hormone, theres a reason everyone is moody and weird when theyre going through puberty. its to be expected T will impact your emotions. that being said, i will note that the only time the irritability really kicks in is at school. outside of school? at the gym? at work? 0 irritability. the chillness everyone advertises. but yeah irritability still strong but its definitely situational and can easily be avoided by Checks Notes not being at school or by Checks Sticky Note On Fridge self-regulating.
Ive gone up a shoe size + grown an inch, but i think only one of those can be attributed to T LOL
in the initial few months i gained about 10kg, mainly due to the sudden appetite + lack of exercise due to being on holidays, but since getting back to everything my weight seems to have stabilised more to about ~5-7kg higher than pre-T.
libido is about the same as when i started, and learning about it hasnt been anywhere as near scary as i thought it'd be. its not stressful and more just like "ok yeah so im 100% not down for this and thats chill!" i was heavily asexual pre-T and now ID more around an allosexual or maybe graysexual range only due to how specific i am about boundaries and everything to do with it.
still liking men which is cool. i feel like if i had the care to choose another label i'd ID with homoflexible but since bi+gay covers that pretty well i feel no need. also i like the bi flag more. and i own one, i dont wanna buy another. this isnt much of a T thing but moreso just because ive noticed some guys saying T made them gayer.
I was pretty insecure about bottom growth previously because i felt like i didnt see much happening, but honestly after actually looking at it its safe to say it has progressed. they werent lying that shit is tDICK. i completely get what people meant when theyd talk about anatomically being insanely similar/largely the same. Testosterone-PP lets go
Overall, despite the many Ups and Downs of T im loving it. Im happier for a reason, I wouldnt trade this experience for anything. I get to finally see myself become the man I always knew i would.
