Broke: ace/aro stories can't have pining in because they don't experience romantic attraction and this lowers the stakes in relationship dramas
Woke: me, aggressively explaining what a QPR is to a girl who just learnt 5 minutes ago what aromantic actually means because I've been squishing on her for like a year
[ID: two people (the same person) coloured in pink are talking. They both have short hair with an undercut, but the one on the right has their hair pulled into a ponytail. The first is wearing a hoodie, ponytail is wearing a shirt and is on their phone, leaning casually against a wall. The first says, “I really wanna hang out, but I don’t wanna seem needy.” Ponytail says: “but you are needy.” Not looking up from their phone. In the second panel the first person looks unimpressed and pouty. Ponytail looks up from their phone with a smirk and says “bitch call them” end ID]
Another day in the “I keep fucking forget to draw my own goddamn glasses so just pretend I’m wearing contacts” saga
Anyway sometimes you just need to accept the fact that you are in fact, needy, and that isn’t the end of the world
[Image ID: a comic, featuring two people. The first is androgynous with short hair and an undercut, the second is feminine with long hair, the comic or drawn in red and pink pen (somewhat shakily), the second person is talking to the first , saying yeah and [redacted] was like, and I think it's [redacted] and here the rest of the snetance trails off into a pink redacted scribble. The first person, who they are talking to is facing away looking at their phone uncomfortably. The next panel says:
So many months later, people still misgender me all the time
The next panel features the same people. The second says "oh, hey [redacted]"
Person 1: actually it's Levi now
Person 2: oh, okay.
In the next panel person 2 is introducing Levi, saying: "this is my friend Levi, and [redacted] is ..." the rest trails off,
There is writing underneath this panel saying:
But then I get a new name, and they're so quick to adjust.
The final panel has Levi looking away, and in place of the other person is text that reads:
You can't help but realise it was never about difficulty making the change.
Comic ends, end ID]
There are a lot of feelings I've had about changing my name, but this is something that's stuck out to me
Description: Patton just wants to have one (1) nice dinner, is that too much to ask?
Relationships: platonic moceit mostly, platonic DLAMP, but like, half of them are still arguing ya know.
Characters: Patton, Janus, Roman, Virgil, Logan.
Warnings: negative self talk, arguing, lots of angst
let me know if anything needs tagging- or a better way of warning for stuff im still learning!
all characters in this fic are sympathetic, but they are not always paragons of good people! they are complicated and have complicated histories that are reflected in the way they treat each other
first chapter
previous chapter // next chapter
A band aid on a broken heart
It’s been over a month since the wedding, and gradually things are returning to normal. Or… something like normal anyway.
They’ve fallen into new routines at meal times, and Patton finds comfort in them, even if it isn’t quite the same as it was before. He supposes though, that the same as before maybe shouldn’t be what he’s aiming for.
Virgil and Roman never come to breakfast anymore, and so it’s become a time for Patton, Logan and Janus to plan schedules. Not that Patton has much to contribute, but he enjoys the excuse to hang out with the two of them. he loves they way they light up while they debate, a fire igniting in their eyes that Patton has never really taken to time to appreciate before.
At lunch time Patton puts out a spread of sandwiches, and the other sides filter in and out of the kitchens, rarely stopping to talk. It’s the most familiar part of the day if he’s being honest. One time Logan walked in with his nose stuck in a book, didn’t look up, and Patton pushed a sandwich into his hand as Logan had grasped around the plate looking for one. He walked out again without saying anything, only a nod to even acknowledge that he had even noticed the other side’s presence. Patton’s heart had swelled. It was the most normal scene he had been in in a long time. after all of the awkward stumbling around each other and the stunted polite conversation, it was nice to just be comfortable existing in each other’s space.
Dinnertime has been… hit and miss. Two weeks ago he had gotten the courage to go around and knock on everyone’s doors and tell them he was making dinner and, well it could have gone worse. Roman came down, although he hadn’t spoken to them. Logan had sat with a Hanji book for the entire dinner, and Virgil had almost immediately fled the scene, barely even touching his food. As for the other two, well… Janus had assured Patton that Remus would not eat regular food, and he shouldn’t invite him, but he had still felt bad for not calling him to dinner. As for Janus himself, well he had said it was a “bad idea”. Patton hadn’t liked that answer, but Janus assured him he should be focusing on smaller goals first, rather than trying to repair Janus’ relationships with the other sides.
Since then, Patton had had varying levels of success. Some nights only Logan would show up, very rarely he would manage to get all of them into the kitchen, though it never lasted long.
One time Remus showed up and well… they had silently, and mutually, agreed not to talk about that night. The first time he had managed to coax Janus downstairs with promises of pasta and wine it had devolved into a hissing match between him and Virgil. So, better than Patton had expected.
Patton stirs the pot of pasta, wondering absentmindedly how many people will be coming for dinner. He always makes enough for seven, although he knows they’ll never have a full table. he opens the lid of the second pot, and gives the sauce a quick stir before turning it down to a simmer. Behind him someone makes a noise of deep contentment. Patton smiles. “Wow Jan, I would have never guessed you had such n-oodles of love for pasta. Tell me, is it the ravi-only way to your heart?” he sneaks a glance back at Janus to see he reaction, but the other side catches his eye with a smirk. Patton looks back at the pot too quickly to see the soft smile that crosses Janus’ face as he shrugs.
“I lived exclusively on microwave meals and chicken nuggets for the past thirty years. Can you blame me?” Janus sidles up to Patton, batting his eyes innocently as he sneaks some food out of the pot. Patton fixes him with an aghast look.
“Have you ever tried cooking with Remus?” Patton shudders at the thought. “As I said,” Janus continues. “the less chance for things to go wrong, the better.” Patton isn’t sure if he should smile or grimace at Janus, but before he can decide the door to the kitchen opens.
“Roman!” Patton cries excitedly. It’s been a couple of days since Roman last made it down to dinner. Patton wants to check in on him, see how he’s doing, talk about what he’s working on, but Roman hasn’t exactly been wanting to talk lately. “Food’s almost ready,” He says instead. “I’m making your favourite, tagliatelle!” He fixes Roman with his brightest and best dad smile, but Roman’s returning one is tight and artificial. Patton tries not to let it get to him, keeping up the happy attitude. He can feel Janus frowning at him.
Moments later, Logan comes into the room; latest read tucked under one arm. He tidies the table, but doesn’t set it. Seeing all of the empty setting had started getting to Patton, so now people just get their plates as they turn up.
Patton stars piling bowls, Roman first, then Logan, then Janus. As he’s about to fill his own he hears quiet movement, and a hush falls over the room. He forces himself not to freeze in place, instead smiling brightly at Virgil, careful not to be too loud.
“Virgil!” He beckons the side over. “Good to see you, pasta?”
Virgil hesitates, taking in the room. Janus smirks a him, and Patton spots the beginnings of what will rapidly become another petty and pointless argument. He shoots a look at the other side. Janus rolls his eyes, but takes his seat without another word.
Shoving his hands into his hoody pockets, Virgil quietly makes his way to Patton. “Sure. Sounds great.” Patton tried to keep his excitement on the inside; it’s the most that Virgil has said aloud in days.
Taking his bowl with a nod of thanks, Virgil takes a seat at the table as far away from Janus as possible, finding Logan levels of literalism in the phrase “on the edge of his seat”. Patton attempts to start a casual conversation around the table, asking Logan about the book he’s reading. As Logan lights up and begins mapping out the plot of the book, the mood lightens up a little. At one point Patton could swear he even sees Virgil smile. This all comes crashing down about halfway through dinner, when Logan asks Roman what he’s working on.
Patton sees Roman’s smile falter and slip off of his face, and it feels like a punch to the gut. Virgil tenses up across the table, but Roman just tries to dismiss the question with a wave of a hand.
“Oh you know, this and that,” he murmurs. “You’ll see it when it’s finished.” Logan frowns, but doesn’t push the matter further. Janus seems to have other ideas.
“If you’re having creative block, ignoring it is definitely going to help.” Patton winces, but Janus is making steady eye contact with Roman now, and it’s evident that he sees this as a battle worth fighting.
“What, me? Creative block?” Roman is louder now, pulling in some swagger that Patton has barely seen in weeks. “Foul fiend I- I am the embodiment of Creativity!” He sputters as he speaks. “Or course no such thing could happen to me!”
“Do you forget who I am?” Janus asks quietly. His voice barely a whisper in the wind, as though it were simply an exasperated afterthought. Before Roman can reply, he continues pushing. “Great, you definitely haven’t already had the talk about what a good idea it is to wait for an idea to be perfect before presenting it.”
“Hah! What would you know about creativity, Lie Mis?” Roman stands, waving his arms and shouting, before turning away from Janus, His voice cracks as he speaks, and Patton’s heart flutters nervously, unsure how to defuse the situation.
“Hey Kiddos,” he says. “How about we all just take a breather and stop for a moment-”
“No!” Roman shouts. “I can see that you clearly don’t need me here.” His voice hitches, and Patton feels frantic. “Since apparently he knows everything I’ll just, just-”
“Roman! That’s not true!” Patton stands at the table, and moves to reach for Roman, but the other side flinches away.
“Because everyone here is such an expert in what’s true,” he mutters.
“Roman,” Patton realises with some surprise that it’s Janus speaking, his voice softened as he lets out a gentle sigh. “I’m not-” they don’t get to hear the rest of the sentence, as Roman cuts him off with a harsh laugh.
“I don’t need any more of your lies, Deceit.” Then he sinks out. A silence echoes around the room, palpable enough to be deafening. Patton looks over at Janus, but whatever vulnerability he hard in his voice moments ago is gone, replaced with a cold hard nothing. His expression an unreadable marble.
“Well, I think that went well,” he says airily, continuing to eat. Across the room Virgil hisses at him, teeth bared. Janus simply raises an eyebrow at him. Patton isn’t sure if it’s a question or a challenge.
“Can you for once in your fucking miserable existence just fucking-” Virgil waves a hand in the air, unsure how to finish his sentence, or perhaps hoping to pull the words from the air. “Not be you!” he stands in place, shaking with anger.
“Oh?” Deceit says, smiling lazily. “And who would you like me to be?” He holds up a hand as though to snap his fingers.
“Don’t. You. Dare.” Virgil grinds out, his teeth gritted. Absently, Patton wonders if Virgil has fangs. He’s never notices them before. “You can’t just… lie, all the time, and expect people to trust you!”
Janus huffs out a breath, almost a laugh, almost… something else. “Because the truth has always gone so well for me in the past.” It’s quiet, quiet enough that Patton can hardly be sure Janus meant to say it at all.
In response Virgil simply bares his teeth again. “Like you’ve ever even tried it,” he hisses. Then he’s gone.
Patton stands, his eyes wide. He fights back tears, instead straightening up, trying to pull himself together.
“I’m, I’m going to go- go check on Virgil,” he says, fighting a wobble in his voice.
“You won’t be able to find him,” Janus replies. “Not if he doesn’t want to be found,”
“Well,” Patton clenches his fist, then relaxes. “I have to try anyway. If he does want me, I’ll be there,” just barely perceptible, he could swear he sees Janus flinch.
---
In the end Janus is right. Virgil is nowhere to be found. At one point he thinks he sees his door at the end of a hallway, but by the time he reaches it it’s gone. He lets out a cry of frustration. Normally he loves the mind palace, with it’s sprawling corridors and nonsensical patterns. If you aren’t paying attention you can walk for hours without running into anyone else.
Normally, this doesn’t work against him. when he’s looking for someone, he finds that his feet naturally take him where he needs to go. But Virgil seems to have mastered the shifting halls, and folded himself away in a corner that Patton isn’t sure how to access.
When he returns to the kitchen, he’s surprised to find Janus and Logan still there, in the middle of cleaning up after dinner.
“Oh, I was just about to get to-” but Janus interrupts him with a wave of his hand.
“It’s no trouble.”
“He thought you might need the break,” Logan adds. Janus glares at him, and Patton suppresses a smile.
“I did not say-”
“You implied, did you not?” Logan asks inquisitively. “I have been studying your dialogue, and you said-”
“There’s no need!” Janus shouts, with panic evident. The laugh that Patton has been squashing down bursts out, and Janus turns away; furiously scrubbing at the dishes in the sink.
“Fascinating,” Logan breathes. “Is only half of your face capable of blushing?” he asks, ducking his own head to get a better look at Janus’ face. “What exactly is your biology like? Are you in fact part snake, or is it appearance only? Thomas did imply…” Logan continues muttering to himself about biology, but Patton doesn’t understand any of it. He’s just happy to see that the other two sides are getting along.
Janus moves away hurriedly as he places the last dish on the drying rack, pulling off his gloves. Patton frowns.
“Janus,” he begins carefully. “Were you wearing those gloves… over your other gloves?”
“No.” Janus moves into the front room, sitting on the sofa with a thump to sulk. Patton suppresses another giggle.
Logan and Patton share a rare smile, before Logan clears his throat and announces his exit, already absorbed in his book once more before he’s even left the room.
Patton takes a seat next to Janus, and the two of them sit together in silence for a while. Janus has produces a crossword from somewhere in his cape, and is dutifully filling it in while Patton hums a tune to himself as he looks through his box of movies. It’s nice, and the quiet is only broken but Patton’s occasional suggestion of film, always swiftly followed by a sharp rejection.
The two sides have yet to actually watch a film together, though this has become something of a regular occurrence between the two of them. regular enough for Patton to know that Janus never actually solves the puzzles he brings. He does however find rather interesting solutions that definitely are not the intended answer. He always says that he simply has “his own interpretation of the rules”.
Patton finds himself knowing all sorts of little details about the other side, he realises. He knows that his favourite food is breakfast, whenever it isn’t supposed to be eaten. Pancakes at 2am, eggs and toast for lunch… and so on. He knows the other side is remarkably well read, and has a fondness for face masks, though he himself doesn’t use them. Patton’s skin has never felt clearer though. Janus is excellent at nail varnish, but terrible at applying makeup. However-
“27 dresses?” Patton tries.
“Ah yes, the love interest in that film isn’t creepy at all.” Janus rolls his eyes.
-He still hasn’t figured out what kind of TV the other side watches. Patton sighs in defeat, pushing the box away from himself for the evening. So far the chick flick category has turned out to be a total bust, and he’s ready to give up on it. he’s beginning to have strong suspicions that maybe Janus likes the types of movies that Patton doesn’t like at all, but he won’t be deterred.
“Hey, Janus,” he starts softly, but he can already see the other side tensing up. “About earlier-”
“I’m not apologising to Roman,” he replies shortly. Yeah, Patton pretty much saw that one coming.
“I wasn’t going to ask you to.” Janus looks over at him now, eyes narrow. “I just…” despite all of the time Patton has spent looking for the right way to go about the conversation, he still finds himself at a loss for words “Wondered if… maybe you could talk? If you could get to know each other-”
“He doesn’t want to get to know me,” Janus sighs. “I’m not going to just keep on-” he cuts himself off with a sharp intake of breath. Patton wants to know, but he resolves not to push him.
“Maybe if-”
“If what?” Janus looks up, exasperated. “No matter what I do, Roman has already resolved to hate me. Same with Virgil. There is nothing I could possibly do to change their minds.” There’s a bitter sort of anger in his voice, that Patton hasn’t heard before. Not the biting sharpness of when he explodes at roman, not the playful tone he took in the courtroom. There’s a melancholy to it, but resigned. Patton isn’t really sure who it’s directed at.
“I mean, the arguing can’t help though.” Patton pushes.
“It’s better than the alternative.” Janus voice softens, almost sad. Hurt? Patton reaches out a hand to lay on Janus’ shoulder, but he shakes it off. Patton finds he’s thoroughly lost his footing in the conversation, unsure of what Janus is trying to say anymore, but not yet ready to make the final push to ask.
Janus doesn’t leave, but it’s clear that he’s done with the conversation. He picks up his book, turning a new page and beginning again. There are so many questions bouncing around in Patton’s head. He doesn’t even know where to begin to unravel the mess he’s in. He wonders what happened between Virgil and Janus, he wants to know their history, as it becomes more and more evident that they have one. How did they get here? Whenever Janus talks about Virgil, it’s almost as though he’s talking about someone entirely different. Patton doesn’t know how to reconcile the two thoughts in his head.
He doesn’t ask though. instead, the two of them stay that way for the rest of the evening; silent in each other’s company. They’re both all too familiar with being alone to willingly submit to it again. not that either one of them would ever say it. maybe some things don’t need to be said, Patton thinks. Maybe that isn’t the point. Some days it can be enough just to exist near each other
---
sorrry, i meant to have this up yesterday, but then i slept in till like 4pm and then did baking sooooo
not really quite happy with this chapter yet? but this is as good as it gets for now, so hope you like it let me know what you thought!
I've only been in this fandom since the new episode!! I've never been here for a release
HOW DO YALL COPE WITH THIS
I'm just, I'm going to know new things?????
I'm going to see how the characters interact with each other? After THAT EPISODE
WHAT IF REMUS AND JANUS ARE ON SCREEN TOGETHER
We don't actually know how they interact?? We've never seen them together?? We know like three things: they've spent a lot of time together, janus was responsible for hiding him from thomas, and that he was the one who sent him in DWIT?
And that last one we got from remus in a song?? The least reliable narrator possible?? What did that conversation look like? How do they actually interact?? I DONT KNOW!!
What if janus is there and the others are calling him janus?? What would I do with that??? I don't think I could survive!
HOW will Roman interact with the others?? Worse: what if Roman isn't there at all?
