Being First Doesn’t Mean Going It Alone
written by @the-galaxy-collector
Color me emotional. I walked out of Avengers: Endgame about an hour ago, so if this is just pure nonsense, I apologize.
I know there’s already a lot of talk about whether the movie was good, bad, or fell somewhere in the middle, and I’m sure we’ll talk about that in ridiculous amounts of detail at some point during the month, but I want to concentrate on that scene. You know the one. All the women of Marvel lined up and kicked some ass. Even typing those words makes it hard for me to see the screen. I’m ready to cry happy, happy tears again. And how could I not? The women of fucking Marvel saved the day. Just think about what that means. The women. WOMEN! As in more than one. Yes, in the end Tony sacrificed himself for the payoff, but even that wouldn’t have been possible without them. And no, no amount of pouting fanboys can take that away from us.
But why the title? How does it relate? Well, that’s actually simple, and so was my ability to tell why it was so moving to me. When I started Lemon, and now The Citrus Scale, it was for one reason. There wasn’t a magazine, digital or otherwise, out there that encompassed the hardships and joys of playing in someone else’s sandbox (i.e. writing fanfiction), and there was even less out there that was respectful of that art form. Now, I’ve been the first lots of times, but Lemon was different. When I was the first woman to walk into a writer’s room for a certain show, I wasn’t the first in a writer’s room ever. Many had come before me, and that always bolstered me when I had to deal with the sexism that’s still incredibly rampant in the entertainment industry. I wasn’t ever really alone. But with Lemon there have been plenty of times I felt it was pointless and oh so lonely. Being first isn’t fun, and it certainly isn’t about getting to make your own rules. Anyone who’s taken the leap knows that, but that scene showed me something. I may be the first Editor-in-Chief of a fanfiction magazine that respects fandom and wants to see it taken seriously, but I am not alone.
There was just something magical about seeing Valkyrie ride down next to Captain Marvel, Shuri, Okoye, and many others. Sure, they all existed separately and very much in a man’s world, but they weren’t ever alone. They all made it clear that even one other woman sharing your goal of helping other women be heard means you are not alone. We may fight this fight using different methods, but it’s the same fight. And even the Russo brothers seem to understand that without us, the world gets nowhere. We will be stagnant without the voices so long suppressed joining the fray. It hasn’t been easy, and it’s certainly not a lot of fun being first, but my only real hope is that I’m not last.
Competition is easy to be scared of, but I welcome it. Because there will never be another Lemon, and how can there be? Anything, even if it’s the same general idea, written by another person will be inherently different, and that’s what makes it beautiful. I would love for there to be a thousand magazines about fanfiction, fandom, and cosplayers. I think that’s the only way it gets the reverence it deserves. If enough of us stand up and demand respect, they can’t ignore us forever. The women of Marvel helped me see that. And they also showed me we don’t have to have our tits out to do it.
