• Pansexual space slut but I think he probably has some goofyass space term for his sexuality. (“Well, Arthur, I actually identify as ‘Up Down and I Get Around’ which basically means I’m up for anything and I’ll go down on anyone, but if you insist on using Earth terms, then yes, Arthur, I’m pansexual.” Or some bs like that)
• Canonically we know he’s a 200 year old alien who cries at love songs, but I like to imagine he also fucks shit up to the weirdest playlist Arthur has ever seen. And all of it is on shuffle all the time. They’ll be listening to Ford’s music because he’s petty and won’t let Arthur pick and this is how Arthur discovers how extremely fucking jarring it is to go from Shallow by Lady Gaga to Why Does The Sun Shine by They Might Be Giants to Bobby Sox by Green Day to M@GICAL CURE! by Hatsune Miku to Cancer by My Chemical Romance to Two Trucks by Lemon Demon all in one car ride.
• Betelgeusians did not have touch screens. He actually disassembled his first phone to try to figure out how it worked, realized none of it was done according to the galactic regulations and was therefore incomprehensible, summed it up to witchcraft, bought a new phone and then spent twenty six consecutive hours playing Fruit Ninja until his fingers were so raw they were almost bleeding.
• He listens to Arthur’s podcast every day without fail and he really likes hearing Arthur talk about space facts because he thinks it’s cute how primitive humans really are. His favorite is when Arthur talks about interstellar objects like 3I/ATLAS (“You guys seriously believe Oumuamua was a dark comet??? That’s hilarious! No, I tried to get it to land, but they don’t pick up hitchhikers so…”)
• This is also, unfortunately, how he learns about the Vogon ships. (“Poor bastards are so excited for more interstellar objects… they don’t realize how bad this is for them…”)
• No understanding of pattern clashing. He dresses up in the brightest, most hideous colors and patterns known to man and yet it works??? Arthur is very salty about this because he is a firm believer that no one deserves to look good in a neon green bucket hat and yet Ford does.
• Picks fights with every astrophysicist he meets, also struck out with Trillian at a party once for this exact reason, this is also how Arthur met Trillian and the reason why Ford wasn’t at the Halloween party Zaphod whisked Trillian away from. Arthur didn’t let him go because he was worried Ford would intentionally ruin his shot at getting her number (he definitely would’ve, but it wasn’t necessary, she’s really only into more feminine people and Zaphod is a giant diva who wears heels and feather boas)
• Ford is in love with Arthur. Arthur is in love with Ford. Arthur also has a very difficult time admitting he’s in love with Ford because Ford is undeniably his best friend and he’s scared of fucking up that friendship. Ford thinks that’s bullshit and begins concocting more and more intricate schemes on seducing Arthur and Arthur knows what he’s doing and still almost fucking falls for it every time
• The most successful attempt actually was when they drunkenly tried to do a jigsaw puzzle together while watching one of Arthur’s comfort shows. Arthur thought it was so cute that Ford remembered what he liked that he kissed him and it was one of the happiest moments of Ford’s life because fucking finally. This was only a few days before the Earth exploded. Ford really wants to pick up where they left off, but Arthur is mourning the death of his planet.
• Ford gets extremely possessive of Arthur to Zaphod but only behind Arthur’s back. Like the second Arthur leaves the room, Ford starts whisper-threatening his older brother(/semi-cousin/strange Betelgeusian family dynamic that does not have a human equivalent) to “drop the fucking Ziggy Stardust charisma right the hell now, Arthur’s first crush was David Bowie as the Goblin King in the Labyrinth and I will fucking kill you if you manage to fuck him before I do” and Zaphod finds this hilarious because he has no real intention of seducing Arthur, he just likes how angry Ford gets at him. Arthur is not interested in Zaphod either. This is just something Ford has decided to worry about.
• Gay space journalist with suicidal recklessness and alcoholism and alien ADHD with his autistic boyfriend/housewife trying not to die in space… that’s not exactly a headcanon that’s just a summary of the series
• Ford would ship BloodyMary and Arthur would be too scared to watch Iron Lung but hesitantly go along with Ford’s rants because he loves him.
Er… yes. I also have fan art of some of this but I’m still trying to figure out my character designs and I’m not very good at drawing people. But I also want to contribute to this fandom.
