Sorry chad, this is real life, the tiny femboy spider gets the girl.
A big weird rant about my favourite spider.
This is my favourite spider, Trichonephila Plumipes, the Tiger Spider or the Easter Golden Orb weaver. This is probably my favourite spider photo I've ever taken, not only does it look great (look at her hair, it makes me want white hair) but it was the first time i was ever able to ID a male T. Plumipes(next to the big spiders left leg). We'll call the girl Nephila and the boy Dave. And yes, Dave is a grown ass man.
Golden orb weaver males are suuuper tiny compared to their girlfriends. Bug girls are usually bigger than bug boys because bigger girls can have more babies but a little guy can already make enough sperm to fertilize all the eggs ever without needing an extra year to grow. T. Plumipes take this to what i think is the most extreme terrestrial example (I know blanket octopi and angler fish have them beat but don't know of any terrestrial animals that do, let me know if you do).
(Photo of Nephila after she moved out and made another web, I guess he was a pain to live with. Look at that golden silk!)
There are two male phenotypes in T. plumipes (I'm not actually sure which one Dave is) The big ones that are a whopping ~10% the females size and the little ones that are ~1% of the females size. They're not technically a separate sexes and spiders cannot comprehend gender yet so they're like a sub-sex. I like to call them "Alpha males" or "Chads" and "Sigma Males" or "Femboys" respectively because that's funny.
Although i suppose being larger would be more feminine in a hypothetical spider society with gender roles...
The "Alpha Chads" gatekeep girls and hang around their web chasing away any smaller dudes hoping to keep her to himself so he can have all her babies. Fortunately these dudes usually get eaten after sex (they deserve it).
The "Sigma Femboys" may be small and weak but they have one huge advantage: Being too small, cute and pathetic to eat. This means they can have sex more than once or twice!
Since spiders are awesome they can store sperm from multiple spiders for months and choose when/if they get pregnant and who's babies to have or they can mix it up. I like to imagine alot of spiders choose based on how the males tasted. This means being an ass and gate keeping one girl that kills you actually ends up kinda balancing out with getting laid alot but not being able to be picky. So there are two kinds of dudes.
It also means spiders can do the incredibly girlboss gaslight move of cannibalizing a guy after sex and then spitting out his sperm. I would do this too if it wasn't for the cops.
Dave did stick around a while but wasn't eaten (sad, I know) and I don't really feel confident in guesstimating the relative sizes so until I document more males I probably won't know which one he is.
But I know he got laid because this was Nephila a day later:
She caught a European bee :)
Look at the little love heart between all her legs! It looks super cute in this photo How could you be afraid of a creature that has a love heart on it?
She also lost alot of weight overnight, which means she must have laid an egg sack somewhere. Alot of spiders just keep their egg sack in their web but these ones hide them! I never found the egg sack so she did a good job of it. I would guess they do this because such a large spider with such a large web would stand out to predators more.
Speaking of the bee tho, the golden orb weavers here were catching alot of bees. This might be thanks to the golden silk, but I don't think we know this for sure either. Golden orb weavers can chose to make gold or white silk. It's thought they can chose between these based on the prey around like how spiders will change the space between their webs to be able to catch smaller bugs or to save silk if bigger bugs are more common. Certain insects might see the gold and white silk differently, some might notice one colour less or even be attracted to one colour more.
Some bugs (like half their potential mates) are too small for these big ass spiders to eat. I think they are like, in the top 5 biggest web building spiders only behind other golden orb weavers. They can actually lose stuff like venom/digestive goop/energy eating something small enough. They can't just swallow tiny bugs like I do, they eat through their fangs so have to inject their prey with venom and digestive goop then suck it back up once the preys insides are soup. You should be able to imagine how difficult this could be if your prey is the size of one of your fangs or smaller. These bugs can clog up their web tho so they either have to throw them out or get smaller roommates that will eat all their scraps.
Like this girl that moved in with a bunch of tent spiders:
She must have helped repair or build some of the tent spiders webs because i found bits of gold silk throughout their big super web. It made me think that these were another type of golden orb weaver but they're not. tent spiders are still pretty big spiders but still smaller than T. Plumipes.
This is what can happen if you don't have little roommates to clean up your mess.
Omg they're roommates! (they build colonies with other T. Plumipes too)
Truly the life. living in a big ass web with your girlfriends, all your food is delivered for free, little roommates that help clean, you get to eat half the guys that show up.
I love these spiders alot, so glad I get to live in a country covered in them. I wanna hold one someday. I tried to pick one up one time but it felt very rude so I let her be.
"You're scared of touching spiders because you have arachnaphobia, I'm scared of touching them because I have social anxiety. We are not the same."
Like most spiders they can't really hurt you. They're so chill, they hate biting in self defence and if they do they have tiny fangs and very very mild venom. In my experience animals like birds, cats and humans are way more likely to bite you if you poke them. They will probably hurt more too.
All photos taken by me :3