If you're reading this letter, it means the day has finally come. The day we feared would arrive. I have to start out by saying I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I acted wary of you for so long. I know now you didn't deserve that. But you have to admit, you didn’t exactly make it easy for me. Still, if I hadn't been so nervous around you, we might have had more time to be free around one another.
Between your laziness and your informal way of speaking, a lot of people might think your ability to hide away, to refuse participation, is you acting freely. But I know better now, I know you look the most free when you're talking about traveling. When you're tending to the same flowers your mother loved out on the balcony. When you take the first puff of a new cigarette. When you're playing the piano for a girl you love. Even those brief moments when I got to see your cheeks turn pink. It wasn't often, but somehow I managed to snag some memories of that part of you.
I don't want to be another piece of your past. I don't want you to be filled with anger and grief at the mention of my name. I don't want to be something you've lost. But I can't deny that I'm going to cause you pain once I'm gone. I can only hope that you'll turn your pain into something powerful.
Jin tell me, would I have ended up in this situation had you been in charge? Why do I feel like my suffering never would have happened, if only you had been there?
I don't want you to blame yourself or anyone else for the way things turned out for me. We can't change it now. But I hope you'll consider taking over The Institute, so that my tragedy can be the last one. They need a leader, someone kind and brilliant. Someone powerful and understanding. You know that no one else can do the job justice. I know you don't take orders from others, but can I request that you at least consider taking charge of The Institute. Don't let my suffering be for nothing, never let this happen to anyone again.
I know the first thing you'll want to do is hide. Isolate yourself from everyone just like you have been. Don't let your first action as grieving King be one born out of anger and isolation.
In chess, I know that once a Queen is gone- her King usually gives up the fight. But since you often treated me as a servant, I'm hoping this means I was never your true Queen. And that even in my absence, you'll be okay.
You have people who love you, and care about you. Lean on them. I promise they'll be expecting it. I've already done what I can to encourage you all to be there for one another. You all have to put in the rest of the work now that I'm not there.
Tohma is going to need you. And you're going to need him. I know how hard it is for you both to count on one another. It's not a time to be strong for one another, it’s a rare chance to be vulnerable together. And I think a greater strength can be born from that.
I'm going to miss the casual way you play the piano. The way your fingers dance along the keys. We played together once, remember? I knew the song, but I played it clumsily. My dancing isn't much better, I know. Maybe that's why we worked so well together at times. I was always stumbling, while you were always so sturdy. So reliable when it counted.
You might be cold at times when you're afraid to be open. But the warmth you exude when you embrace it, is worth every bit of frostbite.
It was an honor to serve you My King
-Your beloved Queen
Dear Kaito,
I don't know why I waited so long to write you a letter. Maybe because I wanted to believe that everything would turn out okay at the last second. I hope this letter never has to be read by you. I hope this letter ends up in the bottom of a waste basket. The last place I want this letter to be is between your finger tips. But if it is, then I'm sorry but I'm a Kyklos now. You did everything you could to help me. But breaking my curse was not within Darkwick's power
It hurts my heart to know I'm going to miss out on the plans you made for us. I know you wanted us to have more moments like we had in Harajuku. We should've gone to more cafés, had more picnics together, skipped class just to nap under a tree. We should have been given more time just to be. I didn't need much when I was with you. I enjoyed the times when we talked about nothing in particular.
I tried to think about what I would have wanted to do with you if I had more time, and everything I imagined was so beautifully mundane. I pictured I'd find you again later in life. Maybe we'd run into each other at a convenience store reaching for the same snack, or maybe at a run down laundromat while sorting socks. Either way, in every daydream I had of you, you made even the most ordinary of moments feel extraordinarily bright.
I'm going to miss seeing your sweet freckled face each day. I'll miss passing notes in class, and listening to your music when I forced you to study with me. I hope you still make big plans, and have big dreams even after I'm gone. Work hard to open that sweets shop like we talked about. But in order to do that, you have to stop gambling, before you lose everything and more. Never forget that The House always wins
I don't want you to feel sorry for yourself, or for me once I'm gone. That won't bring me back, and it won't break my curse. Think of all the times this last year when you showed immense strength and confronted your fears. You easily could've kept your head down again this year. You could have ignored me and refused to get involved with my antics, let alone Luca’s. I think you're a lot more courageous now than when I first met you.
You mean so much to me, you were one of my first friends and allies when I arrived here. And I can't help but think I hold a place in your heart as well. I'm counting on all of you to take care, and live your lives to the fullest. Eat plenty of crepes, visit plenty of ramen shops to find the best one, visit beautiful places and know that I'm right there with you every step of the way.
No matter what happens, you're still my knight in armor. You saved me in ways I wasn't expecting. You made me laugh and smile, and feel like an average student. I always felt so grounded around you as well. I found comfort in the chaos you and Luca created. I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss all of it. Take it from me Kaito, you don't want to miss out on what this world has to offer. So I'm counting on you to take in as much as you can. Keep that token close to your heart, I hope it serves as a reminder of my friendship and deep gratitude for you.
Kaito Fuji graphics, for day 1 of @furiitao's event, f2u with credits, no id tags for kaito please. I wonder who that chibi could be representing hmmmm.. Taglist: @unraveldeath, @kirokumiku and @ringodolly (ask to be added/removed)
Slight CW for depictions of addiction, nothing too graphic
As the party began, the ballroom started to come into view. The elegant decor was perfectly lit, the melodious music filled the air, and I found myself seated in what could only be described as a throne. Jin was seated beside me, his leg lazily thrown over the side of the arm rest as he slouched. Kaito stood beside Jin, and Lucas stood beside me.
We watched as the guests lined up to speak with the Captain of Frostheim. An audience with the King himself was rare nowadays, so him being present at tonight's party was a pretty big deal. I figured it would be a bit of a circus, but I didn’t expect so many girls to ditch their dates immediately just to get the chance to speak with him.
A girl in a very extravagant dress approached Jin, ignoring my presence completely. I tried my best not to feel awkward.
“Jin! I had no idea you’d be gracing us with your presence tonight. Had I known I would have worn my hair how you like it.” The girl had long beautiful blonde hair, it was down and lightly curled at the ends. Her bangs framed her face perfectly.
“No need to style yourself to my tastes. I only have eyes for her tonight.” Jin glanced in my direction, giving me a teasing smile.
I could feel my chest flush, I placed a cool hand upon my now splotchy red skin, praying the cold of Frosheim would relieve me.
“Oh Jin, you’re so kind! Giving this poor girl a beautiful night out before her curse-”
“I assure you, this is no charity case. No matter her future, I will be a part of it. Being with her is not a kindness, its agonizing. Because I know it cannot last forever. You understand, yes?” Jin explained to the much bolder girl.
“I see. Well, perhaps you can still save me a dance? Remember you promised me last time we’d dance.” She was starting to sound a bit desperate for his attention now.
“I’m sorry, I’ve promised every last dance to my Queen.” He apologized.
“Jin?” I spoke up, “I don’t mind, if you’d like to dance with someone else, it's really okay with me.” The last thing I wanted is to create a scene or commotion. If he rejects every girl who approaches him tonight, it could create more issues for us as the night goes on.
I could tell Jin was thinking it over in his head. He was likely to consider the same things I was.
“You’re certain this is okay with you?” Jin confirmed.
“It's alright, I understand that as the Captain and beloved King, you have to entertain your subjects at least a little.” I smiled brightly at him, wanting him to know that it was perfectly fine with me.
Jin returned his gaze to the girl before him.
“I’ll give you the dance I owe you, but that’s all I can promise.” He refused to let anyone else near his frozen heart.
“I guess I’ll take what I can get.” She sighed, before excusing herself to get a drink.
By the time Jin finished hearing out his guests, he’d promised a total of three girls he would dance with them. But now, it was time for Jin and I to make our debut on the dance floor.
Jin knelt down before me as I sat in my seat. His hand extended toward me politely.
“May I have the honor of being your first dance tonight?” His voice was sweet and thick, like honey.
“Of course! What kind of Queen would I be if I refused the King?” I placed my hand delicately in his, and let his fingers wrap around me.
He swept me up in his grasp, pulling me to my feet. It was like walking on air. Jin guided me to the center of the room and we assumed the proper stance for the first waltz of the night. The crowd of guests began to form an audience around us. Enclosing us into a circle. No one was going to let this Cinderella run off at the stroke of midnight.
Jin held me firmly in his arms as the music started. It could have been my imagination, but I swear I could sense a nervous energy coming from him. The last time we danced he wasn’t nervous like this. I wonder what changed.
Jin was a confident lead usually, but a slight uneasiness in his steps had caught me off guard. I stumbled a bit, but Jin compensated for it by incorporating a small lift into our dance. Eventually, we found our footing. But by the time that happened, everyone had already joined in.
“Are you feeling alright?” I whispered lightly as Jin spun me about.
“Of course!” I could tell he said it a little louder than he’d meant to. “I can’t find Tohma anywhere.” So that's what was bothering him.
“He was probably asked to dance, or maybe he’s tending to another guest. I’m sure it's fine.” I tried reassuring him.
Jin didn’t look convinced at my words alone.
The song came to a close, at which I immediately began searching for Tohma’s ashy blonde head. He was tall, so if he was still in the ballroom he shouldn’t have been too difficult to see. But I saw no sign of the King’s advisor anywhere.
“Jin, maybe we should send Luca or Kaito to find Tohma? It’s almost time for him to dance with me isn’t it? And you can get those dances you promised out of the way.” I suggested.
“Forget him. If he isn’t here to perform his duty then so be it.” Jin strolled past me and planted himself on his throne once again.
I followed after him, my hands on my hips. I was a little bothered that he walked away from me like that just now.
“It’s your party and you can pout if you want to, but don’t walk away from me like that again unless you have good reason to.” I scolded Jin before tensing up, realizing I probably sounded like a pissed girlfriend.
Jin just smiled, letting out a small chuckle. Clearly he sensed the change from my stern words, to my shy demeanor. At least I had managed to lighten the mood.
“Transfer,” Jin nodded at Lucas, “Tohma isn’t here to take the next dance- so you will. And you,” Jin lazily glanced in Kaito’s direction, “Go find him. Tell him if he doesn’t show up for the next dance, it's going to you.”
I turned to Luca, a vibrant smile across his lips. He looked utterly delighted at this moment. I gave him a small curtsy before gesturing to the dance floor.
“It would be my honor to dance with you.” Luca bowed before taking my hand in his own and leading me back to the dance floor.
Luca was significantly more proper in his execution of the waltz. From the way he moved, to the continuous eye contact that remained between us. Every step he took was elegant. He had no problem commanding the room’s attention. I started to get nervous that I wasn’t keeping up.
“Wow Luca! You’re a really amazing dancer! I wish I could keep up.” I said sheepishly.
“You’re so beautiful, I don’t think anyone is paying attention to my dancing. I think they’re all looking at you.” Luca was trying to encourage me I’m sure, but I only felt more nervous now that I knew everyone's eyes were on me.
I must have made a face, because Luca let out a small laugh. The timing of his steps remained perfect though.
“I guess I was hoping it was you they were looking at. I feel kind of self concious now.” I admitted.
“Just focus on me, pretend we’re the only ones here. Trust me, it helps.” He winked.
I thought back to earlier, when Kaito and I practiced. How it felt to be the only ones waltzing. I did my best to remember that feeling. And soon, I was focusing more on the shimmering magenta eyes that flashed before me.
“It’s a neat trick, huh?” Luca smiled, scrunching his nose slightly in the process.
“Is that the sort of thing you tell Kaito?” I asked.
“Sometimes, if I thought it’d help, but it often doesn’t. I always ask him if he wants to train with me, but he’s always worried I’ll show him up. But if he trained, his skills would improve. I told him not to worry about what I’m doing, and just focus on himself.” A small sigh escaped his lips.
“You know, since coming here- I haven’t trained or anything. I don’t even really know any self-defense. I have. . . Some sort of power. One that I haven’t tried to figure out yet. Aside from boosting everyone’s stigma. This ring-” my eyes fell on the glinting band that was always on my finger, “I don’t know everything it’s capable of. But maybe it could help me do more, maybe if I worked on my abilities and skills, I wouldn’t always be dead weight.” Lucas had a point. We should all be doing what we can to build our skills. Not just for my sake, but for all who find themselves among anomalies and curses alike.
“I admire your willingness to admit that. The real question now is, what are you going to do about it?” He inquired.
“The next time you train, why don’t you let me come with you? I bet it would help motivate Kaito to come along too!” I suggested.
“I think that’s a fine idea. Oh, but I prefer to do my workout early in the morning. Is that okay? I just think there's nothing like the morning air. Especially as the sun comes up.”
“Me too! It's actually a part of my morning routine to open my window to let in the fresh morning air. Then I usually have my morning tea.”
“I can picture it. That sounds like you, to take in the new day.” His voice came out quiet.
“It does? I guess I’m just that predictable.” I laughed off my own comment.
“Promise me, one of these dawns you’ll allow me to join you for some tea? You’re more than welcome to train with Jiro and I, but in return I want to experience a slow morning with you.”
“It sounds like a plan, I promise to keep my end of the deal.”
“Great! Now all we need is to convince Kaito to go to sleep at a reasonable time, and wake up early so he can join us.” Luca beamed. He might frustrate and interrupt Kaito a lot, but he also tried to include him just as often.
“If you promise to bring me plenty of biscuits to have with our tea, then I can do all the convincing.” I offered.
“That I can do.” He promised.
As I pretended we were the only ones dancing, I unexpectedly caught a glimpse of a tall blonde head among the crowd of onlookers. I breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing Tohma would want is to cause a spectacle. He’d already caused a bit of a stir after Luca had to take his place. I was glad he was back, and was hopeful that he was doing better.
Luca and I finished our dance with a graceful pose. I politely excused myself to find Tohma, since I’d just seen him. He couldn’t be too far away.
I waded through the crowd of guests, politely greeting them as I maneuvered my way around the ballroom. Finally I’d made my way toward a group of girls being entertained briefly by the ashy-blonde boy. But as soon as I found myself approaching him, he was off. Bouncing from one group of guests to another.
“Tohma, wait!” I cried out, but my voice became lost among the crowd.
He didn’t pause for even a moment. Just continued on as if whatever current objective he had was the only one. But I didn’t stop my pursuit there, I kept my eyes on him as he hopped from one group to the next.
I knew it was unbecoming to run in this dress, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to make sure he still felt okay. I still didn’t know for certain if he would hold up throughout the night. I chased after him, knocking into various couples as they socialized.
“Tohma!”
His head swung around, he glanced at me from over his shoulder. The mischevious look in his eye turning to a curious one.
“Oh?” He turned to face me, “Is it time for us to show everyone how much of a true queen you really are?” His words felt a little empty, like he only said it because he knew he was supposed to. He didn’t look as unwell as before, but something was off.
“Jin said if you skipped out on this dance, he’d have Kaito dance with me instead.” I explained.
“I’m terribly sorry, dear. How could I have neglected you?” Tohma approached me and casually wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer.
“Tohma, are you oka-” I stared deep into his eyes, which caught me off guard.
His eyes looked distant, as though he was present physically, but far away from himself emotionally. Dissociated almost.
“I’ve never been better, I assure you. I’ve been looking forward to this, in fact.”
Will you even remember tonight Tohma?
“Right, I guess we should dance then.” I spoke quietly as he attempted to lead me to the dance floor.
“Stop right there!” The booming voice forced me to halt in my tracks.
Jin was storming his way over, causing all eyes in the room to fall on us. His cold hardened expression was unforgiving. I needed to do something. I met Jin halfway, and put my hands on his chest to stop him. The small scene we had started was turning into a full-blown performance.
“Jin, I’m not sure why you’re upset, but-”
“I think you do know.” Jin whispered to me, “Don’t reward his behavior with the closeness required for a waltz.” He pleaded.
I felt Tohma place his hand on my shoulder, he was standing behind me now.
“I was only doing what was asked of me, but if you’ve decided to take your Queen back, I won’t argue.” Tohma didn’t sound like he was looking for a fight, but he certainly didn’t sound happy.
“She isn’t an object to be played with, Tohma. She isn’t a chess piece you can move around.” Jin’s voice was low.
“I promise you, I would never play with her heart. I simply wanted to enjoy her company for a song or two.” His words were polite, but they felt sharp.
Jin refused to say anything more before taking my hand in his, and pulling me away to the main hall. We stepped out of the party for the time being.
“What just happened?” I asked, concern rising in my voice.
“He’s been shaking and sweating on and off all night. You noticed it too, didn’t you?”
“Are you angry with him?” I reached my hand up and placed it on his shoulder.
“I’m just hurt. Why won’t he act like himself? He hides, sneaks around, keeps things from me. Then he swears he’s only being loyal to me. He isn’t loyal to me, he’s loyal to his pills.”
I could hear that hurt in his voice. The way it demanded to be seen. The way his face contorted as if he was trying not to cry.
“I’m not an expert in addiction, but it seems like he can’t stop, even if he wants to. I was reading that suddenly stopping medications like that can result in severe withdrawals. He could have a seizure. If he’s going to get help, it has to be because he wants the help. And it has to be at the hands of a medical professional. You can’t save someone who can’t even admit they're drowning.” I explained.
“We may be ghouls, but we aren’t completely invincible. What if he goes under and doesn’t come back up again?”
“It’s okay to feel hurt, it's what you do with that hurt that makes a difference. Don’t just snap at him, tell him how he hurt you. Tell him why and how. Talk to him.”
Jin combed his hand through his hair and sighed before leaning against a nearby wall.
“He’s not that easy to talk to. Have you noticed he tends to make light of things? Brush them off.”
Just then, both Kaito and Luca came running out of the party. Their speech getting muddled through desperate breaths.
“. . . Toh-ma. . . He-” Kaito started.
“He fainted- we need to call Darkwick general.” Luca finished.
I didn’t wait a second longer before running back into the party. I tore my shoes off my feet, abandoning them as I pushed through the crowd.
“Tohma!” I cried out the moment I saw him collapsed on the ground.
I collapsed down beside him and pulled his head into my lap delicately. This seemed to stir him back to consciousness slightly. His skin felt cold and clammy.
“Move.” A path cleared, making way for Jin.
I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. He ignored my gaze and in one swift motion lifted Tohma from the ground. I knew he was strong, but I wasn’t expecting him to lift the much taller ghoul from the ground, and throw him over his shoulder like it was nothing.
I remained in a heap on the floor until Luca and Kaito brought me to my feet.
“W-we have to go with them!” I exclaimed.
“Shh, we will, we will.” Luca cooed.
“Let’s find your shoes first, yeah?” Kaito gave me a sympathetic smile.
“But- but it’s my fault. I didn’t tell Jin in time!” I blubbered, tears escaping my eyes. If I had only told Jin before the party, he could have done something.
“The Captain has it under control for now, you should take a breather. Here, have you had anything to eat yet?” Luca pulled a biscuit from his jacket pocket and handed it to me.
“N-no. I haven’t eaten anything since we had lunch together.”
“You can’t help a friend on an empty stomach am I right?” I could tell Kaito was trying to lighten the mood, but I couldn’t bring myself to match his energy.
I wiped the sorrow from my eyes, and ate the biscuit. Not realizing just how hungry I really was.
We made our way back out into the hallway. I paced back and forth with bare feet as I called Jin. My shoes dangled loosely in my other hand. He wasn’t answering. We had no idea where they had gone, or if Jin had called for medical attention.
Finally Jin picked up.
“We’re outside the dorm, leave transfer and blondie behind.” He hung up quickly.
“I have to go.”
“We’ll come with you-”
“Jin asked for me to come alone.”
Luca and Kaito shared a look, but let me go by myself.
Still barefoot, I ran outside the dorm to meet Jin. The snow chilling me to the bone. I hurriedly threw my shoes back on. Tohma was now standing beside him, but leaning heavily on Jin for support. I approached them slowly and quietly. Trying to overhear their conversation.
“. . . And that hurts, Tohma. You're destroying yourself, and it's driving me crazy! You’re- you’re my best friend, and my closest ally. But lately-” Jin stopped abruptly, finally seeing me.
“Jin, did you call Darkwick General already? How long until they arrive?”
“I can’t call Darkwick General. They don’t know about the pills.” Jin explained.
“He NEEDS medical attention! If you want to help him, we can’t enable him anymore! Calling Darkwick General is our only option for him.” My cheeks felt hot.
“Tohma may have dug his own grave, but I’ll be damned if I let him jump in willingly. I’m not going to enable him, I’m just going to bail him out this once.” He was still hurt, I could see it in his eyes. But that hurt wasn’t going to keep him from protecting someone he loved.
“What can I do?” I asked.
“I need you to call Yuri and Jiro. Before they arrive, I’ll leave. Explain the situation, and tell Yuri I’ll make it worth his while. Mortkranken needs some new equipment, I’ll pay for whatever they need. Just- get them here, please.”
“You can’t just leave! Tohma can hardly stand, I can’t support him while we wait.”
“Tch.”
“Don’t you ‘tch’ me! Your best friend needs you.”
“I’m not going. Not even if you kick and scream.”
“Then I’m calling Darkwick General-”
Jin hugged me tightly, preventing me from being able to make the call. My arms pinned down to my sides as he breathed me in.
“Please, I know what I’m doing is the wrong choice, just let me make it please.” The lump in his throat told me his pleas were serious.
“Why won’t you come with us?” I whispered.
“I can’t handle it all. Tohma, Yuri, you.”
“I’ll help you handle it, okay? I’ll make it easy on you. I swear I will.”
Jin stayed silent, and held me tighter before relaxing and letting me go.
“Make the call.”
While we waited for Jiro and Yuri’s help, I continued to check in with Tohma.
“Tohma? Are you still feeling okay to stand?”
“I want to go back inside now.” He huffed.
“You can’t.” Jin snapped.
“I think I’m going to be sick.” Tohma put a hand over his mouth suddenly.
“Be sick over there in that bush then.” He complained.
“Let me help you Tohma.” I offered.
But it was too late for me to try and help him. He staggered in the direction of the shrubbery, just barely making it in time. Once he was finished spilling his guts, he wiped his mouth with his handkerchief and came back to us.
The frosty air was starting to get to me. I shivered slightly, which prompted Jin to pull his cape from his shoulders and bundle me up in it. Tohma on the other hand, was sweating profusely, and panting like a dog on a hot day.
Jin scooped up some of the snow in his hand, balling it up tightly. He pulled his own handkerchief out and used it to wrap up the snow ball.
“Here,” Jin pressed the icy cold cloth against the back of Tohma’s neck, “Just focus on the cold, and your breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. It’s going to be okay.”
Even though I was still worried for Tohma, I couldn’t help but crack a small smile. Jin seemed to know the ice trick for panic attacks and anxiety that Yuri had shown me. They hadn’t always been at odds with each other, so the chances of Jin also learning it from him were pretty high.
In the distance I could hear a pair of voices approaching.
“Yuri, are you coming?” Jiro’s calm voice asked.
“I will wait right here for the patient! I am not taking another step towards Frostheim!” Yuri shouted back.
Soon Jiro came into view, he was carrying a folded wheelchair under his arm. He must have carried it all the way here instead of just pushing it. Jiro set it down and unfolded it for Tohma.
Tohma crashed into the seat, rolling it backward slightly. He continued to hold Jin’s handkerchief against his skin.
“What are his symptoms?” Jiro asked as he began pushing Tohma.
“Tremors, shaking, sweating, he vomited a little, and he fainted not too long ago.” Jin spoke clinically, omitting any emotion from his voice.
“Have you had anything to drink tonight? Or taken any substances?” Jiro inquired.
“Jiro! That’s enough! We need to get the patient to the clinic NOW.” Yuri barked before walking in the opposite direction of Mortkranken.
“Yuri! I think that’s the wrong way!” I cried.
Yuri spun on his heels and began marching in the opposite direction.
“I know that! Haven’t you heard of ‘getting your steps in’? I’m a doctor for heaven’s sake! I take my health just as seriously!” With that, we followed Yuri to Mortkranken.
Once we’d made our way to the clinic within Mortkranken, Yuri stopped Jiro and I in our tracks.
“We cannot possibly accommodate this many people in the exam room. Jiro, wait out here with her and make yourself useful.”
“But Yuri, wouldn’t it make more sense to have Jin wait out here while you and I assess the patient.” Jiro questioned.
“I didn’t ask you what made the most sense to you, I asked you to wait out here. Tohma is technically a patient at Darkwick General, and this is a very sensitive issue. One you aren’t privy to yet. So make some tea, and stay out.” I had never heard Yuri so calm, and so stern.
Yuri didn’t wait for a response, instead he pushed forward into the exam room with Jin and Tohma. The click of a lock telling us to keep out. I looked at Jiro, he didn’t seem too bothered by how blunt Yuri had been. He simply walked away to prepare some tea.
But I wasn’t going to just stand out here. I gently pressed my ear to the door, silently apologizing to Jin for eavesdropping. I could hear the muffled conversation happening on the other side, but couldn’t quite make out what was being said.
“Try this.” I jumped at the sound of Jiro’s voice behind me. Somehow he had crept up to me silently. He held his stethoscope out.
I gave him a curious look, but took it anyway. I placed the pieces in my ears and held the stethoscope up to the door. The words were still muffled, but I could make out a few phrases.
“. . . could you?!”
“Because, I needed. . . I never meant to. . .”
“. . . Excuses. . . Disgust. . .”
“. . . But I . . .”
I could hardly even tell whose voice was whose. I let out a small sigh and removed the stethoscope, handing it back to Jiro in the process.
“Is the tea ready?” I asked.
Jiro nodded and led me to where we could wait for the others. I sat down and poured myself some tea. I started to pour Jiro a cup, before remembering he can’t eat or drink. Although, he can if someone else helps him, or more specifically, if I help him. I finished pouring the second cup.
“Jiro? Would it be okay if I helped you drink some tea? I remember you saying it would be beneficial for you to be able to eat and drink from time to time.”
“Yes, it could help prevent organ deterioration. We also have some biscuits, would you mind feeding me one as well?”
“I don’t mind at all!” I smiled.
I carefully lifted the tea cup to his lips, and tilted it gently. Making sure not to spill. He sipped it lightly.
“How is it?” I asked as I pulled the cup away.
“It tastes familiar, and comforting. I enjoy the slight mint flavor it has.” He explained.
I took a sip of my own tea, he was right. It was refreshing and comforting.
“Do you want to try the biscuits next?”
Jiro nodded and parted his lips slightly, inviting me to continue. I fed him the snack, brushing his skin lightly.
“Hmm.” Jiro let out.
“Something wrong?”
“No, nothing is wrong. I was just thinking about how nice it feels to be fed by you.”
I could feel my face flush with embarrassment.
“Do you have a fever? Your face is very red.” Without hesitation Jiro moved my hair out of the way and nuzzled his forehead against mine.
“J-Jiro-Kun!” Yuri’s voice boomed from behind me, causing me to jump back from Jiro’s touch.
“Yes Yuri?”
“What are you doing!?” He cried.
“Her face was flushed, I thought standing out in the cold might have caused a fever.” Jiro explained nonchalantly.
“This is a medical facility, we have COUNTLESS thermometers. You could have checked her temperature with any one of them!”
Jiro’s eyes widened slightly, realizing what he had just done had crossed a boundary.
“My apologies, I wasn’t thinking.”
“Oh, no it's okay! That’s how my mother would check my temperature when I was little. Uh, did I feel warm?”
“A bit, but I wouldn’t say you have a fever. Did you not have a thermometer at home when you were little?”
“Oh, no we did. But I guess mothers can sort of just tell, even without one. Someone must have done the same for you when-”
“Jiro! If you would like to chit-chat, do it on your own time! I need you now!” Yuri demanded.
Jiro sprung to his feet and excused himself to help Yuri. It wasn’t long before Jin strolled out of the exam room and joined me. He let out a hefty sigh before sitting down beside me.
“Is Tohma going to be okay?” I asked timidly.
“He should be fine.” He didn’t sound angry or hurt, just tired.
“Do you want to talk abou-”
“I don’t.”
“Is it okay if I do the talking?” I offered.
“Be my guest.” He mumbled.
“When I was younger, I had a great fear of death. I was terrified of something that was inevitable. Death is inescapable and mysterious. So it's only natural a kid would be freaked out by it. Especially if they weren’t sure what they believed in. But one day, my parents sat me down, and said, ‘You have this whole life that you’re ignoring. You’re so focused on how it ends, that you’re missing every new beginning.’ ”
“Was this meant to be a happy story?” Jin raised an eyebrow at me.
“I’m still scared of dying. Actually, I guess what I'm really scared of is turning into the Kyklos. It used to be just the fear of that fate in general. But now it's taken a new form. Now, I’m scared of leaving you all behind. As strange as it sounds, I haven’t gotten the chance to see things change around here, and part of me wonders if it ever will once I’m gone.”
“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this. . .”
“It would mean a lot to me if you could be warmer towards Yuri and Tohma. No matter what’s happened. I know it would mean a lot to them too.” I finally explained.
I didn’t want Jin to force himself to get along with the others. He had been hurt, and was just doing what he thought was right. He isolated himself a lot. Or gave the silent treatment. Or he might cut you off completely. But pushing people away had to be just as painful.
Just then, both Yuri and Jiro exited the exam room. The two of them slightly disheveled.
“We’ll be keeping him overnight for observation-” Yuri began.
“No. That’s not necessary.” Jin argued.
“I beg your pardon! I am the doctor. What would happen if he-” Yuri stopped himself from revealing more about Tohma’s condition, “It is necessary. We have to keep an eye on his vitals. Its routine protocol when someone attempts- when someone- its necessary.” Yuri was tiptoeing on eggshells.
“When someone overdoses, we are required to observe them for their own safety and health. Because of the medication he took, we need to make sure his organs didn’t suffer any damage. We suspect he vomited most of it up, but we can’t be 100% certain. He’s already started experiencing withdrawal symptoms-” Jiro’s explanation was cut short.
“No! It wasn’t an overdose. He wasn’t trying to hurt himself. It wasn’t purposeful.” Jin said it to himself more than to us.
Accidental overdoses happen all the time. But I wasn’t about to tell Jin this. He didn’t need to hear it.
I looked at Yuri, his face twisted up in guilt and shame. Jiro placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, only for Yuri to brush it off. I was choking on the tension in the room. But I had no idea how to handle it.
I stood from my seat, and approached Yuri and Jiro.
“Is it okay for me to see him? If not, I understand. I just want to wish him a good recovery.” I gave a sad smile.
“He is still not quite himself.” Yuri said quietly.
“Then maybe it would be a good idea for you to come with me, Yuri. That way if he needs something, you’re right there.”
Yuri glanced past me at Jin before nodding and taking me into the exam room.
Tohma laid shaking on the exam bed. He was hooked up to several machines. He even had a blood pressure cuff fixed on his arm. As well as an IV. A small styrofoam cup full of what looked like black sludge was nearby.
“What, um, what is all this?” I asked.
“The BP cuff takes his BP every 15 minutes or so. My monitor in my office allows me to view his vital signs remotely. And that-” he pointed to the sludge, “is activated charcoal. We put it in water and make patients recovering from an overdose drink it. It helps to absorb toxins in the gastrointestinal tract. We pumped his stomach as well, but it's best to be safe, not sorry. We gave him something to help with the withdrawal, but as you can see, he’s still experiencing some discomfort.”
Tohma writhed around. He would shiver and cover up with the blankets, only to get a hot flash, resulting in him trying to kick the sheets off. I wasn’t even sure if he knew I was there.
“Yuri, where did he get those pills? If it wasn’t from Darkwick general-”
“I’m not sure I like what you’re implying.”
“I’m not sure I like it either, but I’m not the one getting defensive right now.”
“It’s complicated.” Was his only response.
Was it because Mortkranken needed the money? Was Tohma paying for the pills, and paying to keep Yuri quiet? Was it really Yuri who’d been supplying him all this time? I didn’t have the full story yet.
“Do you miss Jin?” I asked.
“No of course not! I couldn’t care less about him!”
“You care enough not to use certain medical terms around him. It seemed like you knew he’d be upset by the words ‘overdose’ and ‘attempt’.”
“It's my job to care for anyone who walks through those doors! So while I do not care for him in the general sense, he came here as a concerned friend of a patient in need. Sparing his feelings just this once isn’t the same as missing someone.”
“I think he misses you too. But, can you imagine how betrayed he feels right now? Not just by Tohma, but by you too. To him it probably looks like you two don’t care. Like you wanted to hurt him. I won’t ask any more questions about where these pills came from, but in return- I need you to do something for me.”
“What is it?”
“Go comfort your friend. Apologize to him, and let him know you never meant to hurt him.”
“I need to tend to the patient.” Yuri excused.
“No, you don’t. You just told me his vitals are being consistently monitored, if he needed something, I'm sure one of these machines would make some noise.” I pulled up a stool so I could sit beside Tohma.
“But, I- well if I- you don’t get to tell me what to do! Last time I checked you’re not my mother.” Yuri spat.
“Why’re you so stubborn!? Is it really that hard to admit you miss your friend? I swear, all of you prefer to be miserable, as opposed to talking things out. Which would be the intelligent thing to do.” If I wanted him to do this, I had to appeal to that side of him.
Yuri gave me a curious look. I could tell he was thinking it over.
“Well, I suppose being the bigger person is a sign of intelligence. And I'm nothing if not intelligent. Whether it be emotional intelligence or true intelligence. I am brilliant either way.” With that he exited the exam room, leaving me and Tohma alone.
I brushed the damp stringy pieces of hair that clung to Tohma’s head aside. He seemed relieved by my touch, letting out a sigh before his breathing steadied. I shushed him gently, as if he was just a scared boy who’d awoken in the night.
“Tohma?” I tried to get a response, but was met with his unpleasant groans. He wasn’t in a place to talk.
I glanced around, searching for something I could use, when I stumbled upon a pen and a personal notebook. It looked like Yuri’s, likely for writing notes on patients. I tore a blank page from the back and wrote a note for Tohma.
‘I hope you have a quick recovery, please take care of yourself. I don’t ever want to see you in this state again. So please, ask for help. You owe me a dance, and an explanation at the very least! And you owe Jin an apology for disrupting the ball. Please, be sincere with him. He deserves that much.’ I folded it up and tucked the sheet of paper into his shirt pocket.
I looked down at him. In all the time I’ve known him, he’s never looked this helpless. Maybe I understand why he hides this side of himself.
I grabbed a nearby wash cloth, and dabbed the sweat beaded across his face. Then I leaned down, and planted my lips on his forehead, leaving a faint lipstick mark.
“There Tohma, a charm to take some of the pain away. Get some rest okay?”
With every breath he took, I worried he wouldn’t take another. I had no clue just how many pills he’d taken. Or how many more he would have taken, had he been given the chance. I don’t think Tohma is suicidal. But I do think he is an addict.
If his addiction gets exposed, would Darkwick take action against him?
When I left the exam room, I found myself among three very quiet, very awkward ghouls. Yuri and Jiro sat across from Jin. They were silently sipping tea, aside from Jiro.
I cleared my throat to make my presence known, beckoning their attention in the process.
“Tohma seems to be resting a little easier now.” I shared.
“Because of you, I’m sure.” Jin had a distant look in his eye.
“Excuse me! I am the one who treated him! She did nothing more than stand there as he writhed in pain.” Yuri protested.
“Yuri, Tohma was in a state of confusion due to the sudden withdrawal. So the unfamiliarity of our clinic was likely disorienting. Her presence probably brought him comfort.” Jiro stated.
“That’s probably what you meant Jin, right?” I was thankful for Jiro’s help.
“We should go. Those two brats are probably freaking out about what to do.” Jin spoke coldly.
“Wait!” Yuri shouted louder than he’d meant to.
“What do YOU want?” Jin spoke through gritted teeth.
“I want to- to- You see, I-”
“Spit it out.”
“I want you to know, I still admire you greatly. And I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. But I know that I have hurt you. And it brings me nothing but shame and guilt. For that, I am truly sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive everything that's happened between us. But I hope at the end of the day, you still see me as an ally.” I was pleasantly surprised by Yuri’s apology. It was sincere and vulnerable. Even Jiro looked taken aback.
“I’ve never considered you an enemy. Just because some of our memories have soured over the years. . . It doesn’t mean I hate you. It’s just difficult for me to let some things go. I’m bitter, but I always have been. It takes two, I’m not innocent either.” His description was vague, but I could tell Yuri knew exactly what Jin was referencing.
They had a history I wasn’t privy to. But it was clear that they each felt responsible for the roles they played in the dissolution of their friendship. They’d both said and did things that contributed to the tension that was now present in this very room. The two of them probably weren’t going to be the best of friends again, but it was a relief to know they could at least tolerate one another.
“Maybe you two can work together to make sure Tohma gets the help he needs. I know his care is important to both of you, and he can’t exactly go to Darkwick General to address this.” I suggested.
“If you are open to some possible solutions, I’d be more than happy to help.” Yuri sounded unsure, but offered his services anyway.
“I don’t know if Tohma is willing to accept help right now. But I don’t think he has much of a choice after pulling this stunt. Is it alright if we come back tomorrow when he’s more aware? If we all insist, he might just agree.”
“When can we expect you?” Yuri asked.
“Does 10 A.M. work for you?” Jin turned to me to clarify. I nodded in response. “We’ll come by around 10 if that works for your schedule.”
“Jiro, can you move a few appointments around to make it work?”
“Yes, we can make it work.” Jiro nodded.
Jin and I said our goodbye’s and left the clinic. I had every intention of accompanying Jin back to Frostheim to help him deal with the mess we’d left behind.
“I’m walking you to your dorm.” The sternness in his voice caught me off guard.
“Hey, wait a minute- a Queen doesn’t leave her King behind.”
Jin stopped in his tracks, the exhaustion of the night finally hitting him all at once. He fell to his knees and looked up at the vast darkness above.
I ran to his aide, standing in front of him. I looked down at the frightened King, he fell forward clinging to me as he tried to gather himself.
“I’m so sorry for everything.”
“Jin-”
“No, I mean it. I’m such a jerk.” His sudden shift of vulnerability and humility caught me off guard, but only felt natural after the night he’d had.
I ran my fingers through his hair, not sure how to respond.
“You think I’m weak now, don’t you?”
“No, I just think you’ve had a long day. We both have.” We spoke like an old married couple, tending to one another.
“I wish I hadn’t put you through so much today. It was all just meant to be a bit of teasing, a bit of fun. I wanted to give you an evening you could look back on fondly.” He shared.
“Come on, the night isn’t over. You still have to walk me home.” I held out my hands to him, and he took them before standing.
“I’ll make it up to you. And I’ll see to it that Tohma does as well. For starters, I’m bringing you breakfast tomorrow.”
“Jin, you don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. So let me, will you?”
I sighed, not wanting to protest further. I let Jin walk me home, mostly in silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, we were both just tired.
“Oh, before I forget- you should probably take your mother’s necklace back.” I placed a hand on my chest and breathed a sigh of relief when I felt it resting on my neck. It was such a delicate piece of jewelry, so I was glad it was still in good shape after the night we had.
“I’ll only take it back now, if you let me leave something in its place.”
“Thats an odd request.” I laughed.
“Is that okay?” He asked hopefully.
I nodded and turned around so he could undo the clasp. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. Jin removed the jewelry. It felt like he was getting closer and closer. Finally I felt his skin press against the base of my neck. He kissed me softly, triggering my skin to erupt in goosebumps.
“What was that for?” I asked quietly
“I told you, I wanted to leave something in its place.”
We wished each other goodnight, and promised to rest up for the next day.
The next morning, I made my way out of my dorm around 9:15 to greet Jin. He insisted on coming by early to have breakfast with me. When I opened the main door, I was greeted with not just Jin, but Kaito and Lucas as well.
“They wouldn’t stop badgering me about tagging along. Transfer wanted to check on you and Tohma, the other brat’s just in it for the free breakfast.” Jin nudged Kaito playfully with his elbow.
“What?! No way! I wanted to check on you and Tohma too! I mean, free food is always a positive, but I’m mainly here to check on you.” Kaito defended himself.
“I apologize if Kaito and I are intruding, but after seeing the toll last night took on you, I had to verify for myself you were alright.” Lucas explained.
I chuckled to myself, Jin was unsuccessful in getting rid of Thing One and Thing Two.
“You’re not intruding at all! I’m sure Tohma will appreciate your concern as well. Please, come in.” I beckoned them inside.
The four of us sat around the small table where I usually had my morning tea. Jin began to unpack the breakfast he’d brought. I only hoped there was enough for all of us.
“Oh, would you guys like some tea?” I asked, already standing up to prepare some.
“No need.” Jin pulled a large thermos from the bag he’d brought the food in.
“Wow, you came prepared.” I smiled.
“The Captain specially ordered this morning’s breakfast from Benkei. We went with him to pick it up, but he wouldn’t tell us what it was.” Lucas said.
Jin opened one of the boxes the food had come in, revealing gourmet french toast. The bread used was thick and crispy, it looked like it might have been brioche. There was an assortment of berries scattered around the toast. Jin proceeded to present us with scrambled eggs, sausage links, bacon, and of course butter and syrup for our toast.
“This is like the kind of food you can get at a trendy café! Benkei made all of this?” I could see Kaito’s mouth was practically watering. And I couldn’t blame him. It all looked so delicious.
As we ate our breakfast and drank our tea, there was an air of awkwardness present. None of us wanted to bring up the elephant in the room. I guess I’d be the one to do it. Better me than Luca or Kaito.
“Jin, did you explain the situation to these two?”
He wiped his mouth and shook his head, still chewing his food.
“Was Darkwick General able to figure out why he collapsed?” Luca asked.
I glared at Jin, he hadn’t even told them where Tohma was.
“Were you expecting me to explain everything to them?” I sighed.
“I didn’t want word to get around. These two have loud mouths.” Jin said between sips of tea.
“What’s going on?” Luca looked back and forth between Jin and I.
“Uh-” I tried to find the right words to tell them, “Tohma, uh- well he had to go to Mortkranken instead of Darkwick General.” I started.
“He went to Mortkranken!? Why would he do that!?” Kaito’s eyes widened at the reveal.
I looked at Jin, silently asking for permission. We locked eyes and he gave me a small nod.
I proceeded to tell them everything. I told them about what led to Tohma collapsing and why he had to be taken to Mortkranken. I finished by asking them to keep these details to themself because it could put Tohma, Jin, Yuri, and Jiro at risk of consequence. And right now Tohma needed treatment and support.
“I had no idea the Vice-Captain was going through this alone. He always seems so put together.” Lucas placed a hand on his chin.
“Yeah, who could’ve known that? I never would’ve pegged him as someone dealing with substance abuse.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Jin sounded a bit defensive at Kaito’s words.
“Hhnn! Uh, I was just adding to what Luca said! You know? He seems so put together! I never would have suspected he had a problem!” The panic in Kaito’s voice was palpable, but Jin just cracked a laugh in return.
“Relax kid, I was just trying to keep you on your feet.” Jin teased.
“We should probably head out now, we said we’d arrive around ten. If we’re late Yuri’s bound to scold us for wasting his time.” I began cleaning up.
“Yuri can be pretty impatient.” Jin aided me with the cleanup.
I laughed out loud, earning a look from Jin.
“You’re one to talk!” I teased.
Jin moved swiftly around the table and held me from behind. With my hands full, I was stuck. I held the takeout boxes in my hands and stood in a lazy T-pose, Jin’s arms wrapped around my waist and his face made its way into the crook of my neck.
“You’re right, I don’t like it when others waste my time. But I can be patient when it serves me.”
Kaito and Luca averted their gaze awkwardly.
“We’re gonna be late!” I cried, resorting to just setting the boxes down before wiggling out of Jin’s grasp and with that, we headed to Mortkranken.
When we arrived at the clinic, it was oddly quiet. I peeked into Yuri’s office to see Jiro filing paperwork.
“Yuri fell asleep in the lab again while working on an experiment. I’ll go get him. Tohma hasn’t woken yet, we had to sedate him in the middle of the night.”
“Wait, why?” I couldn’t hide the upset in my voice.
“Tohma recovered very quickly, which is to be expected since ghouls tend to heal much faster than the average person. He tried removing his IV and claimed he just had a bit of food poisoning, and that we should let him leave. Tohma was clearly still confused. He’s quite strong, but we managed to sedate him.” Jiro explained.
Jin let out a hefty sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.
“I’m sorry he caused some chaos. I’ll pay for any damages and for your troubles.” He offered.
“Don’t mention it, it's our job after all.” Jiro left to grab Yuri from the lab, they returned shortly after.
Yuri let out a yawn before shaking his head in an attempt to wake himself up. He slapped his cheeks lightly.
“Jiro-kun, I need caffeine. Start a pot of coffee for me.” He instructed.
Yuri’s eyes finally landed on the lot of us, widening once he realized there were a few extra faces along for the visit.
“Oh, yeah- sorry. These two were worried about Tohma. They wanted to come with us. I hope you don’t mind.” Jin looked away from Yuri.
“I suppose I’ll have to tolerate you two germs for the sake of the patient. Come this way.”
We followed Yuri to where Tohma was staying. The Vice-Captain looked a little groggy, but he seemed to be awake and fairly alert.
“Tohma? How are you feeling?” I was the first to speak.
“To be completely honest with you, I don’t recall how I got here. Can someone kindly explain what’s going on?” Tohma propped himself up slightly on his elbows.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” I asked.
“I remember you coming to the Vault dressed in a maid’s uniform. After that things begin to cloud my memory. I remember flashes of- right, the party. I must have eaten something spoiled, or maybe I just drank a bit too much. That doesn’t sound like me though.”
After all that, he really hadn’t remembered. Or maybe he did remember, but didn’t want to admit what he had done.
“That isn’t quite what happened.” I gave him a sad smile before telling him the story of the night before.
I told him all about his symptoms and behavior from the previous night. With every word, Tohma looked horrified and ashamed. This might be his rock bottom. As I finished telling Tohma the events we’d all witnessed, he laid back down and covered his eyes with his hand.
“You all must have been so worried. I guess I got carried away with my migraine medication. I must have had an adverse reaction.” He knew we all knew the truth, so why was he still clinging onto his denial?
“Tohma- we all know, and we all love you too much to let you lie to yourself again. You’re addicted to alprazolam, aren’t you?” I spoke evenly, doing my best not to shame him with my tone.
“I understand your concern for me, but really- I don’t have a problem.” He laughed it off.
“You could have died.” Jin finally spoke.
“I think you’re all being a little dramatic here.”
“Actually, he’s right. Had we not treated you when we did, you likely wouldn’t have made it through the night. Especially since it seems like you showed no signs of stopping your pill popping behavior. A few more pills, or a little more anomalous alcohol, and you would have been a dead man.” Yuri backed up Jin’s statement.
“Oh? Perhaps I should take this matter up with the one who supplied me with so many pi-”
“Tohma!” I cut him off, if tensions rose any higher, we’d all suffocate. “I agree that you never should have been prescribed all those pills, but that doesn’t change the fact that you abused that prescription. Mortkranken doesn’t have the same budget Darkwick General has, and you knew that. You knew you could use him, didn’t you?”
Tohma refused to answer at first.
“I was just sick of drowning. Every pill I took was like being thrown a life preserver. But then it would deflate, sink down below. And I’d need another, then another. Until I was drowning in life preservers.”
He stopped denying it. And I could see the relief on his face. I could see the weight lift off his shoulders. He looked hopeful.
“You scared the shit out of me!” Jin leaned his head against Tohma’s broad shoulder, resulting in Tohma placing a hand atop the Captain’s head. He ruffled his hair slightly.
“If you’re willing to commit to substance use counseling, we can discharge you later today.” Yuri informed us.
“What about-” I started.
“There’s a student in Mortkranken who facilitates group counseling. Everyone respects one another's anonymity. Darkwick doesn’t even know we offer these services. I think Tohma will be safe.” Yuri reassured me.
“If you could help set that up for me I’d be very grateful.” Tohma nodded in Yuri’s direction.
“I will see to this matter myself. It's going to be a long road ahead to recovery. You’ll have slip ups, and bad days. But should you need any additional support, Jiro and I would be more than happy to lend an ear. It’s the least we can do.” Yuri spoke sincerely.
“Ishibashi-san, while I don’t possess the same understanding and knowledge of addiction that they do, I’d also be happy to offer my support should you need it.” Luca, chivalrous as always.
“Yeah, me too! I know you can do it. You’re too smart and strong to be dragged down by this stuff.” Kaito’s words felt a little ironic, seeing as he had his own addiction to manage, but I know Tohma appreciated it nonetheless.
Yuri asked to see Jin privately in order to square away some paperwork. My guess is that they needed to fabricate a reason as to why Tohma would spend a night in Mortkranken. It had to be plausible. They’d have to figure out an excuse that could explain his need for medical attention, and why they chose Mortkranken instead of Darkwick General.
I took a deep breath, feeling like things were maybe going to take a turn for the better now that we’d sorted this out. I put my hand on top of Tohma’s.
“I’m really glad you’re okay.”
“Me too, I don’t know what would’ve happened if I wasn’t. Please believe me, I don’t have any intention of leaving this earth prematurely. You must be so disappointed in me now that you know my secret.”
“No, of course no-”
A loud crash erupted behind me. I turned to see Kaito and Luca had unintentionally knocked a metal medical tray over. Kaito was holding a glove that he’d blown up like a balloon.
“Haha. . . Whoops.” Kaito turned bright red and stood in front of the evidence, attempting to conceal it.
“Let’s go tell Yuri and Jiro so they can safely clean this up and sanitize the tools.” Luca suggested.
The two exited the room, leaving Tohma and I alone.
“What am I going to do with those two?” Tohma sighed.
“Right now, just worry about taking care of yourself. I can handle those two.”
“By the way,” Tohma pulled the note I left for him out of his shirt pocket, “Was this you?”
“Yeah, last night you were pretty out of it. You were sweating and shivering. And you kept taking in these sharp breaths. I wanted you to know I was here.” I explained.
“Last night was supposed to be about you and I made it about me. I’ve never been more sorry in my life. And you’re right, I do owe you. If you let me, I want to make it up to you any way I can.”
“You can make it up to me by committing to treatment. I want to be there for you when I can. And I really mean that, call me if you need a distraction from those urges. I’m no professional, but I can keep you busy at the very least.”
“I think I’ll take you up on that offer. I had no idea you all cared so much. I thought I had to hide all this. It feels so shameful, so- embarrassing.”
“Sounds like you felt trapped.”
“I was. . . But now I can be free. And that’s thanks to you guys. I promise you, I’ll give it my all.”
It's a cycle. And it's not an easy one to break. Tohma’s going to have bad days. He’s going to struggle. It's only natural. But I hope if he’s in trouble, he does ask for help. It would be difficult, but he needed to treat himself like someone he loved.
I said my goodbye to Tohma, giving him a tight hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek before making my way out of the room to meet the others.
Yuri was scolding Luca and Kaito for making a mess in the other room, while Jiro tried to hide his amusement that arose from Kaito’s fearful look. Jin sat in a chair shaking his head disapprovingly at his juniors.
