Thomas Lightwood could not sleep.
The dreams plagued him day and night; consorts to his daily life. Friends that would never leave his side; Christopher's never ending screams an outlying nuisance coinciding with Alastair's heavy snoring and the whistles of the late night trains. He reluctantly rolled over on the stained mattress, his cool body only comforted by the familiar sounds of his lover; the hot breath on his back. The blankets had been tossed off Thomas in his restlessness; his long legs and big feet shaping the shadows off the wall of the small bedroom beyond the large bed frame.
The world was changing as he knew it would; the pain of death still fresh and present like a knife in his heart. This life he had found-- felt like a calling; here Thomas was unbound by the rules of the Clave and ungoverned by society. Here, they were not afraid of falling in love.
Here, they were free to fail as they had all failed Kit.
Thomas, unnerved by ghosts of the past, eagerly glanced at the old, worn raggedy chair in the corner; his olive army issued jacket draped over the arm-- the white band with the red cross still glistening with the copper scented mundane blood. The medic bag, open, medical instruments tossed on the floor without a care. His pants, still muddy and torn hanging off the back. His boots stiff by the door.
The trumpets would be sounding soon. A call that could not remain unanswered. Thomas was lucky, he did not have to live in the cold, canvas tents set up along the river bank.
Upon arrival, Alastair had smartly secured a room in a closeby boarding house and a job for himself serving food and ale to the soldiers.
Sophie was proud her son had chosen his own path; Sona too. Gideon was torn; he was ashamed Thomas had withheld so many secrets. So many things about his son he had not noticed.
Thomas didn't know if he could ever face his family again. He wasn't sure if the Lightwood name would die with him or Christopher.
Perhaps Alexander would carry it on for their parents. Do right by their heritage.
Thomas looked down; his internal clock destroyed by this insomnia as the sun rose beyond the yellowed curtains. He couldn't think about his little cousin without thinking of Kit and Anna.
His enormous hands were still stained crimson from the last man he had tried desperately to patch up before the last bomb had gone off, sending the two of them flying across the charred grass. The man's blood seeped into the seams of Thomas's skin despite the continuous scrubbing in the hours afterward. He could still hear their angry cries when he closed his eyes---tormented grown men begging Thomas to end their lives as the sirens blew in the town beyond the broken grain fields. Gunfire echoing in the groves of apple trees as horses trampled the cores and corpses. The cracking of the covered bridge reverberating like a whip. Blasts of heat and metal raining down on the already wounded. Limbs torn and ripped like branches oozing with red honey.
Screams. Screams. Screams.
Thomas had chosen to leave; he had chosen to help the mundanes in their war and the selfless act had cost him dearly. His mind was starting to unravel; his truths expelling from the depths of his soul.
How could he ever repay Alastair for leaving with him?