#toxic communities

[aldringaldo]

THE LOUD FANS MLP FANS STAR FANS ALL WILL BE LIBERATED THIS IS A NEW STATE A WORLD WITH NO FANDOMS WILL CREATE NEITHER ANIMES NOR KPOPS HAVE MEANING WE WILL ERASE TOXIC FANDOMS THE WORLD WILL CHANGE. >=(

[justabitbelowaverage]

Tik Tok's Problematic Mental Health Community

Gatekeeping is a staple of any large-scale community. However, I think most of us can agree that one place it really doesn't belong is the mental health community. Unfortunately, that's exactly what we're getting from Tik Tok on a daily basis.

TW's: Swearing, mentions of mental health, mentions of trauma, mentions of abuse

Let me just start by saying, I'm not shitting on Tik Tok as an app. I love Tik Tok, you love Tik Tok, everyone loves Tik Tok. My main focus is on the mental health community both making videos and commenting on them. And of course, not everyone in the community displays problematic behavior and it wouldn't be fair of me to lump them all together but, while I should say, “the toxic side of the mental health community on Tik Tok", I'm going to just call it “The Community” a lot for simplicity's sake.

In all honesty, I do my best to stay away from the mental health side of Tik Tok simply because I'm there to vibe with the cosplayers and hype up my friends, not really to be educated or do any educating. HOWEVER, when I do get a video that relates to mental health, I tend to go down a rabbit hole so I’ve definitely seen enough content to notice the dangerous patterns.

So, without further long winded exposition, here's the top three problems with the mental health community on Tik Tok:

1. Highschool Cliche Mentality

This is also known as black and white thinking but I think you'll see why I prefer to refer to it differently. You know that scene in Mean Girls where they're walking through the cafeteria and pointing to all the different cliques at the tables? That's how The Community views the world.

Yesterday, I saw a video on my For You Page that was basically someone getting irritated about someone saying they experienced trauma because their mother took their phone for the day.

Obviously, they used an example that's meant to seem like an experience that can't be traumatic. When I looked to the comments, there were a fair share of people saying that comparing trauma is wrong but there were even more comments justifying the video's message. Because it was just an example of something a “popular white girl would say for attention.”

Anyone can be depressed. Anyone can be traumatized. Just because someone mentioned something that happened to them that seemingly dulls in comparison to what you have experienced, does not give you the right to say that it wasn’t traumatic for them. Not to mention the fact that they may be testing the waters with how much they can open up to you about.

The Community likes to pretend that people who seem to have their life together or have a similar attitude as the high school bully in every teen coming of age movie ever means that they can't possibly have mental health struggles of their own without it being made up for attention.

Invalidating mental illness is exactly what we should be against and yet, The Community insists on pushing this narrative that they are the ones spreading the word so they are helping people. In reality, they're making people feel even worse about themselves and are potentially doing far more harm than good by basically saying certain people aren't allowed to feel depressed or anxious.

No matter the skin color, background, wealth, sex, gender, or what have you, ANYONE can have mental health problems. Even the people who seem like those popular cheerleader cliches on the outside.

2. “Breaking” The Stigma

The stigma around mental health is something we all want to go away, of course. But there's a slippery slope when you start saying, “People with [insert mental illness] don't actually act like that.”

It kind of overlaps with the High School cliche mentality. For example, I saw a video that basically showed someone with anxiety whose hands didn't shake on camera because they weren't faking it for attention like half the other people doing the “trend” of holding their hand in front of the camera.

As someone with anxiety whose antidepressants cause hand tremors, this was a very toxic statement to make. Do all people with anxiety shake? Absolutely not but saying that nobody who actually has anxiety has hand tremors and if it seems they do, they're faking it is creating a new stigma.

In their efforts to break the stigma surrounding mental health to make people outside The Community understand, they are inadvertently making people in The Community questions themselves. It reminds me of when people say that pink isn't a feminine color. Of course it isn't but does that mean that no female on the planet likes the color pink? No.

Mental health is a spectrum and there are no right or wrong symptoms to experience. It’s different for everyone. Just because you are a girl who doesn't like pink, doesn't mean no girls like pink. Just because you are a person with anxiety who doesn't shake, doesn't mean no people with anxiety shake.

3. Over Diagnosing

Here's the part where I word everything wrong and make myself look like a complete hypocrite but here goes. I think that mental health should be diagnosed by a professional but of course I don't think that invalidating someone entirely because they don't have pill bottle with their name on it is right.

That said, not liking the way a certain fabric feels does not always mean that you are on the Autism spectrum. Having trouble focusing does not always mean that you have ADD.

There's these Tik Toks out there that do a, “Put a finger down" game where you put a finger down if you have certain symptoms and will unironically say that if you have more than 6 fingers down, you have BPD.

The most egregious example of this was a video saying that if you put 5 or more fingers down then you had/have an abusive parent. One of the criteria was, “Put a finger down if your parents have ever given, 'because I said so' as a reason.”

Could a parent who is abusive have said that? Of course. Does that phrase alone make someone an abusive parent? No way in fresh hell.

You’re only confusing people by saying that it does and it isn't helping anyone.

So in conclusion, the Tik Tok mental health community is not a reliable source of information but for the record, neither am I. In the end, this is just my opinion and while it's based on facts, it is my interpretation of the facts.

The community's gatekeeping and narrow minded attitude are what make it a toxic communtiy and the worst part is that in the process of attempting to help mentally ill people, they're making a lot of people feel far worse.

[julz321]

Being a “good person”

To me, being a good person is a nice sentiment. However, from my experience, it seemed more like a social barometer. I was more concerned with how other perceived me. Whether or not I was going to make people happy or offend them. But as I grew up, I realized how I was wasting my time with such a nebulous and esoteric concept. 

Yes I listen to my friends when they need someone to talk to. Or when they need someone to seek advice. But sometimes I need to be firm with them and tell them to knock off certain habits or break off relationships with toxic people. And if they persist with these bad habits and progressively get worse then I have to pressure them into changing. 

I may not be perfect, I have a hard time knocking off bad habits. There is a person in my life I either need to put my foot down with or cut out but something is stopping me. So yes I know bad habits are hard to kill. Doesn't make it any better when you cling to them. 

“Respect everyone opinions” or “be nice to one another” or “don’t force your ideas onto someone” all sound nice and people who focus on being good people often follow these rules like dogma. And in certain trivial situation they do apply and make sense. But when it comes to a person’s physical mental health and well being, someone safety or overall quality of life then that is where pleasantries and platitudes no longer apply. 

SOMETIMES (and pay attention to that because people seem to have poor reading skills) SOMETIMES, it’s ok to be forceful, to put your foot down hard, to tell someone to stop, to tell them they need to change, to raise your voice, you need to hit someone with a harsh dose of bitter reality, to get angry. And you are not extremist for doing so. 

(So long as what your doing isn’t illegal or might invoke authorities obviously.)

They’ll hiss, moan, yell and call you a bad person for being so negative. But if people don’t feel like they need to change then they become complacent and nothing will get solved. 

I was often told to just ignore someone’s perverted, intrusive, overtly offensive mentally and physically abusive behavior. And that if I didn’t then I would be seen as a bad person. I did that for year. Smiled and was unconfrentational. 

And I felt good for a while. But then I realized I was sheltering pedophiles, abusers, libertarians, racists, bigots and all sorts of horrible people from consequences. One even outright admitted it to me and told me he tried to have sex with a teenager. One even kept pelting his friends with racial and homophobic slurs and I did nothing. And looking back I enabled an abuser to go on unchecked as the person drained their spouses income and yelled them into submission. I did nothing. I even encouraged people in those situations to not be confrontational and not rock the boat because it would ruin the “peace” I helped create in my local community. But looking back it was false peace I helped create. 

I was so blinded by the need to be well liked and to seem like a “good person” that I didn’t know I was doing something wrong.

What I’m saying is, you can be a “good person” and still do the wrong thing. 

Because being a “good” person is a very vague thing. Because you can moralize anything or use any platitude to justify what you’re doing. 

You can be a very devote Christian, believe yourself to be the nicest person in the world, trying your best to be a spiritually enlightened person, and discourage conflict as much as possible. But you can still make the wrong decisions. You can believe that killing babies is wrong and be anti-abortion, but you ignore the problems with banning abortion. That you risk the lives of newborns and young mothers more so than ever by doing so. You can be believe in the healing power of forgiveness, but overlook the fact you forgave a pedophile or an abuser too easily. You can tell someone to “not rock the boat too much and just ignore them” but in turn you tell an abuse victim to never stand up to their abuser or take any action whatsoever. Leaving them at the hands of their abuser by letting the statues quo continue. You can be a well meaning religious person and give someone Chick Tract comics and not realize they’re terrible mini comics.

You can do the “nice” “good” thing but you can still do something wrong and horrible. 

These days I’m done seeming like a “good person” and have stopped caring. Don’t mean I’m a savage, I know how to conduct myself in public. Mostly. 

And if I hang with my friends we’ll still see movies, play games, and talk for hours like normal. 

But absolutist beliefs in “positivity” or wanting to be a “good person” was not only a waste of time but also a damaging experience. 

If I ever give people real advice it’s based on life experience and they’re more practical. I do try and be uplifting and reassuring, but that only gets you so far. And if you want the person to improve you can’t rely on sweet words alone. You need to give them advice that can actually, pragmatically help them. 

And SOMETIMES, you need to raise your voice and start being harsh in certain situations. 

Yes the world is filled with problems and negativity. And we need more positive and wholesome people. But positivity can also create those very same problems and have them persist. 

I might get a bit too thoughtful or metaphorical here, but...

In different fields of study, positive usually refers to something that creates while negative refers to something that subtracts, reduces or removes. Usually. Traditional healing can be seen as cells multiplying, growing and sealing up damages. Usually seen as a positive thing. But cancer cells are erratically growing cells that can cause serious damage to the body. 

Destruction of objects can be seen as a bad thing sometimes, but not always. We destroy and reshape substance in the earth to make things like medicine, salts, or even paints. Or we chops up vegetables and meats to create a meal. Destruction, though negative, can lead to something wonderful. Create something wonderful. 

And sometimes in order for things to change you will need to get controversial, get aggressive, or put your foot down. You may not get it right all the time and you may not look like a “good person”, but it’s better than doing nothing, worrying about the vague idea of morality or contributing to a problem. 

Fandoms, communities, or people, they don’t become toxic because of the machinations of a malevolent super villain or some unholy corrupting force or the sin of humanity...they happen because people do nothing to actually help. And believe too hard in such absolutists ideas. 

Problems don’t go away by playing nice all the time. Sometimes you need to be a bit of a bitch. 

[tea-and-biscourse]

Most of y’all know that I’m very interested in internet oddities, subcultures, and communities, especially the toxic ones. You could say toxic cringe is a hobby of mine. I made this blog because I wanted a place to discuss and share my deep dives into these communities. At the time I was most interested in the true crime community, the shoplifting fandom, incels, and terfs. Obviously I’ve taken this blog in a very different direction, but today I thought I’d get back to my roots and check in on the terfs. And holy. Shit.

I don’t know how anyone can bear to be immersed in this discourse for any amount of time. It’s too much for me, I can’t fucking handle it. The intolerance. The paranoia. The fear mongering. The hyperbole. The conspiracy theories (the YouTube shooter was a trans woman and the mainstream media is covering it up! Reee!) the overwhelming ugliness and mean spiritedness that penetrates every corner of their community. Every once in a while I’d come across a post that started off coherent and brought up worthwhile topics but in the same breathe, they’ll say “and psychiatrists are conspiring to turn all lesbians into trans men-“ record scratch. What?!?

Anyway, I’m not really going anywhere with this I just needed to vent a bit and purge my soul of the bad vibes that radiate off of those fucks.

[glitternotyou]

Toxic communities can be like a vegetable garden planted over an old landfill.

It seems good, and some of it is, and there’s growth there. But the danger is still there, and sooner or later some of the effects become noticeable.

[julz321]

Toxic Positivity

Prick: You need to agree to disagree. It’s for the sake of keeping the peace. We can’t live divided and hold grudges. You just need to respect everyone’s opinions. 

Me: The people you want me to play nice with go off on a hair trigger when I don’t tolerate their bs, they remain friends with pedophiles, they befriend neo-nazies and libertarians, who they know are pedophiles, they don’t have an issue with child pornography, they abide and engage in homophobia, they show no problem using slurs, they don’t see issue with volunteers joining their own cosplay contest, you criticize something and they think you are intolerant of other opinions, and they expect you to be nice to people who have tried to ruin your life and get over it out of some cultural obligation. 

So I should make nice with people just to maintain this false sense of peace? 

that’s not friendship, that’s abuse. And just smiling and being ok with uncomfortable people.

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

Can we please just enjoy a new character that we get a chance to roll and play as without needlessly bitching about them? There’s now talk about Yae now facing censorship because of her briefs. Yes. You heard me. Her Briefs. A type of underwear that is the least lewd and perverted underwear that you could possibly have on a women and not to sound perverted or anything but I actually like them; I think they’re pretty and cute. But now there’s talk that her briefs will be censored to look like literal bloomers. I frigging swear this is exactly like those stupid people that did and probably still do; have issues with Ayato’s character design BASED OFF HIS SLEEVES. Here’s a thought; maybe instead of making judgements on a character that isn’t even out yet based on something so shallow as their clothing; or anything to do with their appearance; how about we get to know the character that we get introduced to based off them as a CHARACTER. Stop with the needless censorship. Stop with the needless bitching. AND PLEASE stop with the boycotting of other peoples ships just because you do not agree with them. Heck I don’t agree at all with several ships; and yes some of them ARE in the Genshin community but you don’t see me being a horrible toxic human being. Please just stop.