Whether or not I am a robot is still up in the air. I do mental health posts, controversy commentary, and really just whatever I feel like that day. Don't hesitate to reach out for any reason. You can use anonymity in my asks!.
The Importance Of Validation In The Mental Health Community
DISCLAIMER: I can not diagnose any of the conditions you have through a screen. If you display behaviors similar to those associated with the conditions I describe, it does not automatically mean that you have these conditions. If you are worried about your own mental health, please seek out a medical professional qualified to help you.
I discuss serious topics in this post. I don’t believe any material would be too triggering for someone to read but I can’t pretend to know how my words affect everyone so read at your own discretion.
I discuss topics including but not limited to: cognitive distortion, depression, anxiety, habitual lying, histrionic personality disorder, the idea of faking symptoms, and past internalized homophobia (Very briefly. You’d have to squint to see it)
I once walked in on my mother and sister reading my diary together when I was little and laughing about what I’d written. From then on, I got into the habit of hiding my diaries in places I knew nobody would find them. Well, after doing some Spring cleaning recently, I managed to unearth a lost diary of mine from at least eight years ago.
Among the entries of confessions of lies I told my parents and admissions of crushes I had on the “wrong” gender, I found something rather disturbing. Don’t worry, this isn’t just a post about my whole diary. Instead, it’s one little collection of words that continued to come up on the many pages.
I spoke to my diary like it was a person. Feeling like I had to resort to speaking to empty pages probably should have been my first warning sign that I needed therapy but that’s not the point I’m getting to. See, I would often apologize to my diary for rambling or instruct my diary not to tell anyone the secrets I was about to write. This is important because the thing that I kept saying in my most vulnerable entries was:
“I don’t know if I’m just making this up for attention, but...”
A child who knew that nobody but herself would ever read her diary was actively prefacing each entry with the fact that I may be a delusion pick-me girl. That’s...concerning, to say the least. The reason I said it was because there were so many people whose opinions I valued that convinced me to think that way.
I grew up with an older sibling who was a habitual liar. As such, they paved the way for me with parents that had little faith in whatever I told them. Most stories I told about teachers that treated me unfairly or random “malfunctions” as I was keen on calling them (ticks and stims) were met with a lecture about the dangers of crying wolf.
This created a disconnect in my own mind; an experience I wish could say was exclusive to me. I viewed myself as such an unreliable narrator that in a way, I caused my own mental illness on top of the ones that I actually did have but nobody believed me about.
That’s why it’s so important in the mental health community that we don’t ever accuse anyone of faking their symptoms. It can not only worsen the problem but open the door to new problems that I’ve been unable to even find a name for. A mental illness that convinces you that you are faking your own mental illness.
It’s a lot more common than you might think.
The closest thing we have to a similar diagnosis (to my knowledge) is anosognosia, a condition in which you are cognitively unaware of a medical condition such as a mental illness. But you can see how this is not the same as what I’m describing. What I’m talking about is the denial of your own mental illness even when you are aware of your symptoms.
Maybe if imposter syndrome and anosognosia had a child with a depressive disorder, that would relate more to this symbiotic curse of your mind concocting new mental illnesses based on your pre-existing ones.
Let’s say that someone is faking their symptoms. Let’s say we have a 100% guaranteed way to prove that someone does not actually have a condition such as depression or anxiety and we somehow know for a fact that their symptoms are inauthentic.
Why are they faking it? That should be the next question we ask instead of diving in with some kind of persecution. Their reason for faking one mental illness could be its own mental illness.
May I introduce you to: histrionic personality disorder.
This would be a mental condition where someone has a distorted sense of self, unstable emotions, and a detrimental desire for approval. This disorder can make a person display attention-seeking behaviors. It’s not like it’s an easy one to treat but that’s because personality disorders as a whole are...complicated.
But I digress.
What do you think would happen if a person with histrionic personality disorder were suddenly met with a barrage of hate for acting out to get attention? While nobody can say for certain, know that it could be cataclysmic.
In conclusion, don’t take it upon yourself to determine whether or not someone’s mental health conditions/symptoms are authentic and especially do not try to tell them that they’re faking. It can have some real consequences that nobody seems willing to talk about lately.
But I also harbor the unpopular opinion that even a psychological professional can’t determine if a person’s mental health symptoms are “real” or not so don’t feel the need to agree with me.
In fact, feel free to voice your own opinion as you are always welcome. If you want a response, let me know. If my responding would make you uncomfortable, also let me know. My inbox is always open for asks and anonymity is always an option there.
Gatekeeping is a staple of any large-scale community. However, I think most of us can agree that one place it really doesn't belong is the mental health community. Unfortunately, that's exactly what we're getting from Tik Tok on a daily basis.
TW's: Swearing, mentions of mental health, mentions of trauma, mentions of abuse
Let me just start by saying, I'm not shitting on Tik Tok as an app. I love Tik Tok, you love Tik Tok, everyone loves Tik Tok. My main focus is on the mental health community both making videos and commenting on them. And of course, not everyone in the community displays problematic behavior and it wouldn't be fair of me to lump them all together but, while I should say, “the toxic side of the mental health community on Tik Tok", I'm going to just call it “The Community” a lot for simplicity's sake.
In all honesty, I do my best to stay away from the mental health side of Tik Tok simply because I'm there to vibe with the cosplayers and hype up my friends, not really to be educated or do any educating. HOWEVER, when I do get a video that relates to mental health, I tend to go down a rabbit hole so I’ve definitely seen enough content to notice the dangerous patterns.
So, without further long winded exposition, here's the top three problems with the mental health community on Tik Tok:
1. Highschool Cliche Mentality
This is also known as black and white thinking but I think you'll see why I prefer to refer to it differently. You know that scene in Mean Girls where they're walking through the cafeteria and pointing to all the different cliques at the tables? That's how The Community views the world.
Yesterday, I saw a video on my For You Page that was basically someone getting irritated about someone saying they experienced trauma because their mother took their phone for the day.
Obviously, they used an example that's meant to seem like an experience that can't be traumatic. When I looked to the comments, there were a fair share of people saying that comparing trauma is wrong but there were even more comments justifying the video's message. Because it was just an example of something a “popular white girl would say for attention.”
Anyone can be depressed. Anyone can be traumatized. Just because someone mentioned something that happened to them that seemingly dulls in comparison to what you have experienced, does not give you the right to say that it wasn’t traumatic for them. Not to mention the fact that they may be testing the waters with how much they can open up to you about.
The Community likes to pretend that people who seem to have their life together or have a similar attitude as the high school bully in every teen coming of age movie ever means that they can't possibly have mental health struggles of their own without it being made up for attention.
Invalidating mental illness is exactly what we should be against and yet, The Community insists on pushing this narrative that they are the ones spreading the word so they are helping people. In reality, they're making people feel even worse about themselves and are potentially doing far more harm than good by basically saying certain people aren't allowed to feel depressed or anxious.
No matter the skin color, background, wealth, sex, gender, or what have you, ANYONE can have mental health problems. Even the people who seem like those popular cheerleader cliches on the outside.
2. “Breaking” The Stigma
The stigma around mental health is something we all want to go away, of course. But there's a slippery slope when you start saying, “People with [insert mental illness] don't actually act like that.”
It kind of overlaps with the High School cliche mentality. For example, I saw a video that basically showed someone with anxiety whose hands didn't shake on camera because they weren't faking it for attention like half the other people doing the “trend” of holding their hand in front of the camera.
As someone with anxiety whose antidepressants cause hand tremors, this was a very toxic statement to make. Do all people with anxiety shake? Absolutely not but saying that nobody who actually has anxiety has hand tremors and if it seems they do, they're faking it is creating a new stigma.
In their efforts to break the stigma surrounding mental health to make people outside The Community understand, they are inadvertently making people in The Community questions themselves. It reminds me of when people say that pink isn't a feminine color. Of course it isn't but does that mean that no female on the planet likes the color pink? No.
Mental health is a spectrum and there are no right or wrong symptoms to experience. It’s different for everyone. Just because you are a girl who doesn't like pink, doesn't mean no girls like pink. Just because you are a person with anxiety who doesn't shake, doesn't mean no people with anxiety shake.
3. Over Diagnosing
Here's the part where I word everything wrong and make myself look like a complete hypocrite but here goes. I think that mental health should be diagnosed by a professional but of course I don't think that invalidating someone entirely because they don't have pill bottle with their name on it is right.
That said, not liking the way a certain fabric feels does not always mean that you are on the Autism spectrum. Having trouble focusing does not always mean that you have ADD.
There's these Tik Toks out there that do a, “Put a finger down" game where you put a finger down if you have certain symptoms and will unironically say that if you have more than 6 fingers down, you have BPD.
The most egregious example of this was a video saying that if you put 5 or more fingers down then you had/have an abusive parent. One of the criteria was, “Put a finger down if your parents have ever given, 'because I said so' as a reason.”
Could a parent who is abusive have said that? Of course. Does that phrase alone make someone an abusive parent? No way in fresh hell.
You’re only confusing people by saying that it does and it isn't helping anyone.
So in conclusion, the Tik Tok mental health community is not a reliable source of information but for the record, neither am I. In the end, this is just my opinion and while it's based on facts, it is my interpretation of the facts.
The community's gatekeeping and narrow minded attitude are what make it a toxic communtiy and the worst part is that in the process of attempting to help mentally ill people, they're making a lot of people feel far worse.
The title about sums it up but for the sake of content, I'll elaborate. There's plenty of debate on what exactly is a person. For lack of a better word, I'm going to refer to you (your emotions, thoughts, the entire essence of your being, etc) as a soul.
Now, think of where you are right now. If you happen to be in a house, let me ask you, are you a house? If you're in a car, are you a car? If you’re outside, are you a planet?
No. No you're not. You are more than what you reside inside. Physically and metaphorically.
Just because you are in a room, does not mean you are a room. Just because you are inside a body, does not mean you are a body.
The Sci-Fi nerd inside me would like to imagine that my body is a mech suit that my soul is the pilot. Pain signals are like alerts that the suit is damaged and of course everyone wants to have the coolest mech suit but in the end I am not the suit itself, I'm still just the pilot.
When you think of it that way, how can you possibly think that what you look like determines anything about you?
Other people's perceptions may influence your own way of thinking (and I would never try to invalidate any insecure feelings you may be having by saying that you're not allowed to ever feel unconfident) but in the end, are you really sad because your meat sack isn't exactly like someone else's?
You are so much more than what you look like, what you wear, or what you were born as. No matter what body you reside in, you will always still be you. Whether you choose to alter your appearance or keep it the same, your soul is never going to change.
Of course, this pertains to your name as well and we could keep going further and getting more and more philosophical until we all have an existential crisis but for now, just remember that you are not your body.
TW: Swearing, mentions of pedophilia, mentions of homophobia, mentions of sexualization, mentions of hate
Please note that I'm very blatant so if there are elements of fandoms or toxicity that might offend you or damage you mental state, I do not recommend reading forward. This is just my opinion. If you feel the need to correct me or ask that I clarify something, my asks and messages are always open and you are welcome to stay anonymous.
This is also a kind of big post. I did my best to break it up but it is a pretty large piece. There is no TLDR but you can get gist if you read the first few paragraphs.
There's a lot of different definitions of what it means for a community to be toxic. We’re talking mainly fandoms here but there are certain lifestyle groups that this can also apply to. For sake of simplicity, I’ve narrowed it down to three criteria.
1. Is it sexualized?
2. Do the members tend to gatekeep?
3. How long has Tumblr had a hold of it?
Okay, I'm just kidding about the third one. The real third criteria is:
3. Do the majority of its outspoken members morph the original ideas to fit their agenda?
Let's break that down a bit. So the first is a bit obvious but the reason you need all three criteria is because the first is almost always met. It'll mostly show up in fetish cosplays or fanart. Honestly, it's not all that bad on its own. People like what they like and there's always going to be those who enjoy that sort of thing. So long as it isn't illegal or takes advantage of anyone then I really have know issue with that.
Two is a common one that also isn't the worst on its own. If you aren't aware “gatekeeping” is a term that basically means someone taking upon themselves to dictate who should and shouldn't be allowed into a fandom/community based on their identity or lack of knowledge on the subject. For example, if you have naturally curly hair but it's not as curly as mine then I can say, “You’re hair is just wavy. Not actually curly.”
Most often gatekeeping is seen in musical fanbases. If people find a group they like through Tik Tok and haven't liked them since their debut, they might be called fake fans. If you claim to like a song but you don't like the entire album, you're not a real fan. Etc, etc.
This criteria paired with the first is often what gets a group a toxic rep. I may not want to partake in a fandom that fits them myself but I don't think that they're really toxic until we examine the third criteria.
The third is a bit hard to explain but bear with me and hopefully I can clear it up. I think a good example of this is the Black Butler Community. If you aren't aware, Black Butler is a manga turned anime, turned movie, turned musical. The plot centers a boy who made a deal with a demon where the demon gets to consume his soul as soon as the boy gets revenge on those who killed his parents.
The first criteria was met almost as soon as the series became popular then the second when it reached sites like Tumblr. However the main issue laid with the fact that the 13 year old boy was being shipped with the 1000+ year old demon butler. Age gaps like this have always existed in media ie, Edward and Bella, but I think what set the fandom apart was that someone made up the claim that the author of the manga said that he wanted the story itself to be a yaoi* when he first created it. (*Yaoi is a term commonly used to mean a work of boy on boy smut but is sometimes used interchangeably with the “boy’s love" genre)
The author has never said this but someone in the fandom said that he did so the rumor caught fire and people started to justify their predatory shipping behaviors by saying that it was fine because the author said it was okay. And thus, the third criteria was met.
Notice how I said that it's the outspoken members, though. Those who just enjoyed the series but met criterias 1-3 never harmed the reputation of their community because they weren't outwardly contributing to the problem.
Another example of a fandom meeting the trifecta of criterias is Supernatural.
I feel like I should have pointed this out earlier but just because a community has been labelled as toxic, doesn't mean it should effect your enjoyment of whatever the controversy it’s surrounding. You don't have to hate Black Butler because some members are toxic.
You can hate it because the second season made no god-damned sense and was obviously an exploitative money grab after the creators of the anime realized who their audience was made up of-where was I? Oh right, Supernatural fandom.
The show “Supernatural” follows a pair of brothers known as the Winchesters who fight monsters and protect humanity. Sounds intriguing, right? Well, all of Tumblr in 2013 thought so as well. That's where the series gained traction and where the fandom developed. The shipping was all light-hearted and the cast often made reference to it because it was all in good fun.
However, there were fans who basically said, “No, Destiel (a ship between two of the male man characters) is canon and anyone who disagrees is homophobic.”
This created a huge disconnect between the people who just wanted to watch the show and the people who took to the internet to talk about how the straights were ruining the show. The first and second were met almost immediately just like in the Black Butler fandom but the third came later on and was used to push the agenda that if you don't like noncanon gay ships, you are a homophobe.
Obviously this fandom is still at large and has managed to clean up its act but there's no doubt in my mind that at it's peak the community was toxic.
So, those on Tumblr, Twitter, Tik Tok, Instagram, etc, who are in a community and use that community to push ideologies that are accepted by the majority as toxic will make a fandom toxic. But, no, not all members of the fans on suddenly become toxic just because all three criteria are met but the fandom or community has a greater chance of being labelled as such.
Some other examples we see floating around are: Vegans, BNHA/MHA fandom, Danganropa fandom, Hamilton fandom, and furries.
I would like to reiterate that not EVERYONE in the community is toxic and it may not even be the majority. However, if a white shirt gets a brown stain on it, attention is going to be drawn to the imperfection. Like I said, the definition of “toxic” is still debated and plenty of fandoms have turned themselves around in the public eye but if a fandom/community fits the criteria, there's a pretty good chance that they will be defined as toxic by those outside (and rarely inside) the community.
I also feel like I should note that I have nothing against vegans or furries but I do think they're popular scapegoats for the whole “the internet is a toxic place" argument.
If you are seeing this first, I AM AGAINST THIS. I am posting for educational purposes. Please check out my last post about why you shouldn't be afraid of operation pride fall.
The Truth Behind Operation Pride Fall and Why Nobody Should Worry About It
If you have yet to hear anything about it, good because there’s a lot for misinformation out there of those who would rather make a mountain out of a molehill. I'd like to start by saying that my own involvement or lack thereof in the LGBTQ+ community is something that will be held as private information. So let’s start with the basics:
What is it? Basically, someone on 4Chan decided to call open hunting season on the LGBTQ+ community on June 1st in an act of rebellion against pride month. They want people to comment on smaller accounts all over social media, breaking them down and making them question themselves.
Why shouldn’t you be afraid? Well, of course the existence of this movement hurts and homophobia should never be taken lightly but this was created on 4Chan, the armpit of all social media in most cases, and this happened before. That's right, the operation occurred last June as well. What's that? You didn't hear about it? Exactly my point.
Fact Checking: There have been a lot of claims of people threatening to dox those who are LGBTQ+ (which basically means finding their addresses and phone numbers and distributing them) which sounds really scary. These claims are false but even if I am mistaken and they are true, let me tell you a bit about doxxing as someone who used to be involved with some...unethical computer practices.
Tik Tok: nearly impossible to find a user's location. Phone numbers are available but only for those will a skill set way beyond those of the trolls on 4Chan, trust me.
Instagram: I would suggest privating your account if you really are concerned since brute forcing passwords and finding zipcodes and phone numbers are a lot easier through Instagram. If I make it sound easy, it's not, but of the other social medias it is the easiest.
Facebook: locations are easier to find as they are tagged in pictures and what not but if you're small on Facebook then it will be exceedingly difficult to find your posts in the first place. Phone numbers take a lot of backtracking and one misstep could send a message that looks like a bunch of jumbled nonsense to the user and thus giving the person a clear red flag.
Tumblr: presumably not under attack. Also, most users happen to be a part of the community so everyone has safety in numbers anyways. Personal info is harder to find on here as well since most people are using emails to sign up and you can't do much with emails.
I don't like the word “hacking” since it usually puts the picture of a guy in a black hoodie knocking down the FBI's firewalls but since I don't have a better word I have to use it here. Hacking is difficult business and doxing is illegal so it only takes one person to report it before the user gets banned. Never open a link that is given to you since that is basically a novice's favorite trick to get a person's location and personal information.
I would also like to point out that the number of people who are actually planning on participating in the operation are significantly smaller than those who are willing to stop them. Also, more people are “spreading awareness" than actually planning it out. I will put the screenshot of the original 4Chan post up in a different post if you are interested in seeing it for yourself but I did cut off the thread itself and blurred some unsavory language.
The Internet is your house and the “hackers” are blind thieves with rubber chickens for guns. If you are really scared that these guys are going to show up, put a lock on your door. In other words, private your accounts and close your comment sections.
It's also a one-day affair so even if you are pretty nervous about all this, just switch up your privacy settings for the day then put them back.
As a side note, I am more than willing to defend any of you if by some miracle you do encounter one of the people who are involved in this operation. If any of you need help, I have Tik Tok and Instagram and I am more than willing to defend your page. Just give me a shout. And hey, doxing a doxer is just self defense, right? (Jokes aside, don't dox people)
It is very rare that I actually come across someone who tells me they enjoy public speaking. There's also the matter of going out into large crowds, or small crowds even. Like most of the things I post about, I also experience a similar hatred for anything involving going out there where there's even the slightest chance I will be the center of attention. Here's a few steps I take to deal with that:
First of all, public speaking. Hate it, hate it, hate it, but it's as easy to hate as it is unavoidable in most situations. When I go to give a presentation, I tend to shake. Not just a little nervous quiver but full on everyone can see me fumble with the remote that controls the projector kind of tremors. If you have problems standing still like I do, stress toys are your best friend. I always where hoodies or something with a large pocket when I can so I can tuck my handy dandy stuffed seal in there and squeeze the hell out of it as I present.
Next, remember that making light of the situation is often a good way to relieve a bit of stress. If you go up there and mention that you're probably going to mess up, people will lower their expectations for you and in some cases they will empathize with you just a bit more.
And lastly just keep in mind that these people are on your time, not the other way around. While you may have a limit for a presentation it's quality over quantity and you can take your time getting through it in most situations. It's going to suck but it’s also going to be over and someday the whole situation won't even be on your mind.
Social anxiety is a bit trickier. I had this thing where even though I knew nobody was looking at me in school, I always made sure I was never doing anything that would be considered embarrassing. That meant I sat up so straight it hurt, I would quiet my breathing to the point that it was nearly suffocating, I covered my mouth if I laughed so nobody could make fun of my teeth, I didn't speak unless spoken to, and I even made sure the way I held my pencil wasn't considered out of the norm.
This did nothing for me but cause more stressed and stamped the dreaded, “quiet kid" label on me. Side note, nothing wrong with being quiet but in my school it was often assumed that if you didn't talk very much then you were...well let's just say capable of something horrible that's often associated with American schools.
I still haven't gotten much better at being outgoing but I've found the best way to not completely break down is to allow a person to come to you if they want to speak. If you can't find it in yourself to initiate a conversation then you sure as hell can carry one! Talk about dreams, ambitions, if the person believes in ghosts. Say you like their shirt, ask where they got it, then go from there. There are so many videos about how to carry conversations that you could totally master the skill before this quarantine ends.
If you’re in a position where you don't want to talk to anyone and would prefer to just avoid everyone then I'm glad I brought two life preservers because it would seem we're in the same boat. Going out in public is one of my least favorite things to do because either I feel like everyone is staring at me because I'm so weird or nobody can stand to look at me because I'm just that ugly.
Best way to fix that train of thought is to stay on board but change course instead of derailing it. If you're that good at jumping to conclusions, you must have quite the vivid imagination so why not put it to good use and drop funny little twists into your situations?
Like, that person just made eye contact with you and then they looked away really fast. They must be from a parallel universe and they just recognized you as the Queen/King of their world. They could be an alien whose been searching for an incompetent human to steal but from one look in your eyes they knew that you weren't it.
Or maybe nobody is paying attention to you at all. They must have turned their perception block of beautiful people on because it's gorgeous individuals like you that would distract them from completing their current task. Or maybe they just didn't give you a second glance because they've got something big occupying their thoughts. What is it? A secret? It's got to be something good if they didn't notice such a snack walking right past them.
For the record, I have been called out for completely zoning while I'm looking at someone so if someone is staring at you for an uncomfortably long time, don't read too far into it. Or maybe do if you want to think about how they probably are from the future and they came all the way to the past to see what one of the most influential people in all of history looked like in their prime years.
It's up to you.
And if your fear of the public stems from a fear of mistakes in general then just know that Katy Perry has face planted in front of thousands of people before but guess who still has over 95,400,000 followers on Instagram? Plus, worst case scenario you make a mistake and get a pretty funny story to tell someone someday when everyone is comparing their worst experiences.
Did I go on a bit of a tangent? Yes. Did I let my official tone slip when I got excited thinking up different possibilities? Also yes. But I hope that this post helps someone out there and if you can’t find yourself using any of these tips then I hope I at least got a smile out of you.
Feel free to criticize me, correct me, or leave comments (positive or otherwise). If saying things that would be considered rude helps you feel heard and validated, I will not silence you.
The best way to deal with problems of great importance is always by seeking out the help of a professional who is trained to help you. However, if the problem is something a bit less urgent and you are confident you can deal with it on your own, here’s a few coping mechanisms that not a lot of people know about.
I'll try to explain how each one may help and what they may help with but please keep in mind that these aren't for everyone so even if one seems like it might be a good fit for you, there’s no guarantee that it will work.
Staring at a wall or blank surface: Okay so I may have already lost you but hear me out. Often times when the outside world becomes too much, we try to block it out by closing our eyes and straightening our thoughts. Unfortunately, some of us are more prone to create less than desirable images in our minds if our eyes were shut. If your brain doesn't have to process what it is seeing because it is blank or has a repeating pattern then you can deal with your thoughts in a more productive manner.
Empathetic Projection (via thoughts or writing): I don't actually know if there's a better term for what I'm describing but “empathetic projection" seems like a good way to phrase it. This one is for if you're heated or just don't understand a person's reasoning behind an action that effected you. For those who are great at vividly picturing things, you can do it in your head but it can also be done by writing. It's basically putting yourself in the person's shoes and walking through the decisions they made. Really tell the story from their perspective then extrapolate a bit if you're looking at how to approach an apology.
Ventriloquism: This one is more for fun and is often used as more of an escape than anything else. If what you really need is some lighthearted distractions then ventriloquy may be for you.
Finger Tapping: Here's one for if you're more just anxious about something. It's a temporary fix like slapping a band-aid over a dam but if you just need something small to help you chill out then this could really help. Drumming your fingers can lead to more anxiety because you may attract the attention of those around you but tapping your thumb to the tips of each of your fingers in a repetitive motion is a fantastically subtle grounding technique. You can do it on one hand or two and it can be concealed in a pocket if absolutely necessary.
Perspective Swap: This is for my friends out there whose low self esteem leads to self destructive behavior. Imagine that a friend or someone you really care about (sometimes a pet) is going through a similar situation that you are. You just want them to be happy and get through their problems so what advice do you give them? This is one of the simpler ones but it really does help.
Counting: Bring your brain back to its primitive, pattern-seeking routes with this one. This one is another distraction but counting anything and everything around you is a good way to temporarily take your mind off things. Depending on your location, you can count blue things, the number of Adidas sneakers in the room, floor tiles, amounts of time passerbys say the word, “Yeah,” and plenty of other things. Do be careful that you don't pressure yourself with this one if you find that you can't count all of one thing and remember that it's not any sort of rest so nobody is going to be double checking your work.
Delving Into The Imagination: This one works better alone since you might not want to be interrupted but having fun with your imagination is just as good as any other healthy distraction mechanism sometimes. You can picture yourself doing anything or make up your own stories and fanfics that you'll never have to worry about writing. Again, this one is more for fun if you're having difficulty finding something to take your mind off things.
That’s all I've got for you. I would like to reiterate that these are all well and good in moderation and some or all may not work for you. Just remember that conventional ways of coping like crying are also perfectly healthy. You're a human and sometimes you don't need to find a perfect way to cope with every situation.
Feel free to criticize me, correct me, or leave comments (positive or otherwise). If saying things that would be considered rude helps you feel heard and validated, I will not silence you.
Controversy is something I tend to stay away from but I would just like to say that you can have a mental illness or a poor mental state no matter who, what, or where you are. The main reason I advocate for validity in people's feelings is because of the stigma of privilege determining how real someone's emotions are. Simply said, anyone can be sad.
Well of course anyone can be sad everyone knows that. But do they really?
Let me put it this way, everyone has their own standard of normal. This point stands whether that person is rich, poor, middle class, or otherwise. For example, let's say someone is on a platform 20 ft in the air (sorry for anyone who uses the metric system. I was never taught but the analogy should still make sense) and you are at a platform 10 ft in the air. The person who was at 20 ft falls down to 10 ft and you fall down to 5 ft. Technically, the person who was at 20 ft has fallen further than you have but you are both on a platform that is at only half the height you used to be at so to each person the fall is equally as drastic.
It doesn't matter your background, ethnicity, wealth, gender, etc. You have a right to have your own problems. When people say otherwise, it does a lot of harm to everyone involved.
The main reason I wanted to say this was because I was recently informed that it's impossible for me to have any legitimate mental illness because I have a good home life. While family can play a huge part in someone's mental wellbeing, there are a lot of other factors at play in a person's life.
No matter who you are, your feelings are valid. Nobody else lives in your head and can see how badly things effect you.
Feel free to criticize me, correct me, or leave comments (positive or otherwise). If saying things that would be considered rude helps you feel heard and validated, I will not silence you.
Also I am still fairly new to the concept of trigger warnings so please tell me if I miss any!
Quite possibly one of the worst things to hear when you’re at your lowest is something that makes you feel like it's your fault. Whether they mean to or not, some of those we consider supports tend to invalidate our feelings when it comes to us feeling down.
Yes, cognitive therapy exists that basically trains your head to think differently but most of us haven't gone through that. Do you know how difficult it is to rewire an entire brain so that you think differently about situations? Let me give you an analogy: when a person takes in a tiger that has spent the first year of its life in the wild, how does that tiger act? Normally, it's aggressive, stressed, and more than willing to quite literally bite someone's head off.
This is after a single year of living.
Now note how much more complex a human's brain is than an animal's and most of us have lived with the mindset we are in today for multiple years. What I'm trying to get at here is that by the time you're reading this, you're likely at a point in your life where thoughts occur spontaneously and the way you react will often come out of instinct.
Optimism does not come naturally to a lot of people suffering from mental health conditions and it is nearly impossible to completely switch your brain's reactions to certain situations. Those suffering from trauma or constant disappointment will often be negative thinkers because basing our predictions on the future from our experiences in the past is exactly how humans work.
You are not difficult to be around because you are a pessimist, you are a logical thinker. In the same way, if you are an optimistic thinker that is just the way your brain works. Neither is right or wrong or better than the other but it's difficult to jump from one mindset to the other.
If there's anything I would like you to take away from reading this it's that for most of us, positivity isn’t a choice and nobody should have to force themselves to be happy because that can shatter an already cracked mind.
Feel free to criticize me, correct me, or leave comments (positive or otherwise). If saying things that would be considered rude helps you feel heard and validated, I will not silence you.
You are so amazing. You never cease to impress not only me but the others around you, even if nobody will admit it. You are beautiful, your feelings are valid, and you are loved. There’s over seven billion of us and yet nobody is exactly like you. There is nobody that you should have to change for. You are a fantastic person.
I know that right now things are tough, you are scared, and it seems like your social life is hanging in the balance but just know that you are on the path that you are meant to be on right now. There is nowhere you have to be and nothing you have to do. You are doing a great job and I am so proud of you.
You are so humble for not admitting that you are as special as you are. You're doing the best you can and that's enough. Your future is so ridiculously bright that my sunglasses were just incinerated by the blinding luminosity.
You have so much love to give, platonic or otherwise, and things are going to get better. It doesn't matter what otherworldly high power you do or don't believe in, it doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter who you have been, it doesn't matter what other people think of you. You are a good person and you have already made such an impact on the lives of those around you.
The most wonderful version of you is the one that you feel most comfortable existing as. Caring about yourself does not make you selfish. Empathy is not a weakness. Tears are natural.
