Buck: I think something's wrong with me, I've just been getting so nauseous lately...
Chimney: Maybe you're pregnant.
Buck: ...
Chimney: ...
Hen, sighs: Buck, he was just joking -
Buck, abruptly gets up: Sorry, can't talk! I've gotta tell Eddie the good news!
Hen: Wha - Buck, no...! Chim!
Chimney: What? I wouldn't even be surprised if it did turn out to be true knowing how Buck is. More importantly, did you hear the other part?
Hen: ...Okay, fine. Now let's see who had pregnancy announcement in the betting pool.
I got tagged twice in WIP Wednesday by @pimento-playing-hopscotch and @the-flaming-nightmare ❤️❤️❤️
Here is some of my still unnamed unplanned pregnancy polyfire fic with trans!Buck.
Eddie knew why he'd kissed Buck. It was just a little kiss, a peck on his temple, meant to be comforting. From the way Buck relaxed against him, Eddie was sure it worked. However, the truth was much bigger than a comforting little kiss on Buck's temple to tell him everything would be alright. The truth was that Eddie was in love with Buck, and he had been for a long time. It took that conversation with Father Brian for him to actually allow himself to even think about it. But it was so blatantly obvious to him now that one of the joys he had been denying himself was loving Buck.
Buck showing up at his house that night had felt like a sign, too. Maybe Buck was right after all, and the universe had been screaming at him, but he'd been too stubborn to listen. Stubborn? Perhaps not. Intent on punishing himself for all the mistakes he'd ever made? Maybe. Probably.
Eddie thought he would have told Buck that night. Maybe once they were a beer or two in and it felt easier, but Buck getting sick threw a wrench in that. He'd tell him soon.
Maybe a baby ought to have been a wrench too, but Eddie had surprised himself with the certainty he felt when he told Buck he would be there for them both.
The door opened, and a tech entered, pulling a machine Eddie vaguely recognized as for the ultrasound. It'd been almost fifteen years since he'd seen one, during the early months of Shannon's pregnancy, before Eddie left for basic training.
Eddie slid his hand into Buck's as the tech started to talk to him. Buck's grip immediately tightened like he was holding on for dear life.
Don't worry. Eddie thought. I won't let go.
Buck closed his eyes as the tech folded up his shirt and started to squirt the gel on his skin. By the time she started to move the probe around, he was squeezing them shut, his forehead wrinkled.
“There we go,” the tech said, her voice soft.
Eddie huffed out a laugh, taking in the image. The baby looked just like Chris had the first time they'd seen him. Maybe all babies looked the same during the first ultrasound. He squeezed Buck’s hand. “Open your eyes.”
Buck took a second, but his face relaxed and his eyes opened. With a sharp intake of breath, his eyes widened. “That's my baby?”
“Yep,” the tech said. “Looks about ten weeks. Strong heartbeat.”
Buck stared, eyes glassy. “Looks a little like a bean,” he murmured. “Hi, baby.” He leaned his head back and laughed. “God, I'm really pregnant.”
i wrote this trans!buck drabble/one shot with pan!eddie last week and wanted to post today, but it feels very tone deaf after going in the rg tag to understand everyone's vague posts. :( *sigh*
What if Shannon didn’t exist? What if it was pre-transition Buck that got pregnant with Chris and married Eddie? What if Eddie, who didn’t really care about gender that much, still struggled with the idea of his wife becoming his husband? Struggled with his parents not approving of his partner. And instead of dealing with it he escaped it by joining the army. Buck had started his transition and left Texas, with Chris (ofc). A few years later, Buck and Chris are settled and happy in LA. Buck’s been a firefighter for about a year when his husband appears in the locker room.
you KNOW i’m slithering in your inbox abt to ask for Anything abt the trans buck fic 😊
!!! and I am happy to talk about it !!!
Ever since I wrote my ace!Eddie fic I’ve wanted to write something else LGBT+ focused with them, I’ve just been kinda waiting for a really good idea to hit me. Because the reason that ace!Eddie fic turned out as well as it did, therefore getting the incredible response it got, was because it truly came from the heart. And I wanna do that again with trans!Buck, because that’s yet another LGBT+ type of existence that I know a lot about.
So. It’s going to be a one-shot, not sure how long though, and I want to explore Buck as a FTM struggling with intimacy when he and Eddie have just gotten together. Because he hasn’t been with a guy since he transitioned, because he still struggles with imposter syndrome, and there’s always been this stupid voice in the back of his head telling him he’s more of a real man if he’s dating women. Even though he’s always been bisexual. But then Eddie happened, and it’s just really different. And Eddie has never been with a guy, and Buck can’t help but feel a little insecure about that too.
This is all heavily inspired by me as well as my past romantic partners, because I’ve been on both sides of it. I am trans, I have dated trans people. Even when you love someone and trust them wholeheartedly, intimacy can still be difficult. Different things can trigger the feeling of being an imposter, and it doesn’t always make sense.
Overall it’s going to be a soft, happy and wholesome fic though!! Like that is definitely the end goal. Some angsty thoughts and hard conversations, but in the end, happy and comfortable boys <3
author’s note: I would like to formally thank Nova, aka @crockettstiddies, for reading over this fic and offering corrections. (also the title is from The Village by Wrabel.)
---
Buck should just keep his mouth shut, because their shift is almost over and he'll never have to see this guy- Jared -again.
But he's fed up with the staring.
Every time Buck looks, whether they're packing up after a call or standing around talking, Jared's staring at him. Eyebrows knit together, creases on his forehead, mouth a thin line, looking at him like he's a puzzle he can't solve.
It's weird.
The final straw is when he steps out of the bathroom to find him leaning up against one of the trucks. Staring at him with a sour look on his face, like Buck has just finished taking a shit in the middle of the firehouse.
Stay calm, he thinks as he slowly approaches him, throwing a glance upstairs to where everyone is throwing together something to eat. "Hey." Buck drags his sweaty palms along his jeans, instantly regretting the action when the guy tracks the movement. *Predator. "Did I do something to you? I just… you've been staring at me all day and it's kind of weird, man."
"You're a liar, Buckley."
He jerks back, taken off-guard by the accusation and hostility in his voice. Around the crew, he was polite- maybe a little… stand-offish but nothing like this, and Buck doesn't quite know what to make of it. "Excuse me? Um… what'd I lie about?
"Seriously? And here I thought the cracks at your intelligence were just… that. Jokes."
The comment stings, but he doesn't get a chance to say anything in response because he's already gone, jogging up the staircase to where the rest of the 118 is, and leaving Buck standing in the middle of the bay.
What the hell just happened?
He stares numbly at the floor, repeating the words- You're a liar, Buckley -in his head as if suddenly the intended meaning behind the words would be revealed to him if he just played them in a loop. Over and over and over and-
"Buck!"
He drags his eyes from the floor to the loft area where Eddie is leaning against the railing with the stupidest grin on his face. Buck can't even stop the smile that spreads across his face in response, even though the last thing he feels like doing right now is smiling.
Eddie just does that to him- puts him in a good mood even when the world feels like it's going to shit and the amazing thing is, he doesn't even have to do anything.
"You coming?"
"Um." He drags his hand through his hair, ignoring the way his hair clings to the uncomfortably sweaty skin, and blows out a breath. "Yeah, I'll be right there." Buck swallows the lump in his throat, tries to mentally prepare him for whatever he's about to walk into upstairs- an awkward dinner or a confrontation. Maybe a brawl- the guy looked angry enough to hit him. Why, he didn't know.
"Hurry up," he calls from the railing.
Buck watches his retreating back for a moment before he drags himself up the stairs, every step a struggle. His limbs feel a little too heavy, his chest feels like it's caving in, and everything gets worse when he reaches the top of the staircase; his body seems to have turned against him.
"Sorry," he breathes out, sliding into the seat across from Eddie. No one really acknowledges his arrival, too captivated by a story Chimney is spinning, and for once he's grateful for the lack of attention because it gives him a moment to try and calm himself.
Counting to ten, playing "I Spy" with himself, thinking of a positive memory, none of it helps. He's in fight or flight mode but there is no threat. At least, not one anyone else can see and that's the problem, isn't it?
"Last night, we were out on a date and these two women came up to us, right? Buck… thought they were just being friendly… which they were being friendly, just a little too friendly--"
Eddie's cut off by silverware clattering against the table and when Buck looks up, he sees their ride along with his fists clenched and cheeks ballooned out and nose scrunched up like someone has just dropped a stink bomb.
Everyone's dead silent, almost afraid to breathe, and he exchanges a brief look with Eddie before focusing back on Jared… whose face is contorting in various ways as if he's trying to say something- or trying to think of the right words.
"You're supposed to be honest with people," is what he finally spits out before locking eyes with Buck and continuing. "How are you so comfortable lying to people all the time? Do you not feel guilty when people look at you and think you're a man? Do you think lying to people up until the moment you decide they deserve to know doesn't hurt them? I mean… no one's looking at you and thinking you have a vagina, because if they knew--"
"Whoa," Hen says, the first one to break out of the stupor everyone has seemingly fallen into, raising her hands in almost mock surrender. "I'm going to stop you right there because every word out of your mouth has been varying levels of offensive and inappropriate. Trust me when I say that no one at this table has been hurt because Buck didn't tell us he was trans until he was ready."
"Hen's right," Bobby adds after a few minutes, still seeming to be a little in shock. "But what she forgot to mention is that… we think you should leave and if you want to do another ride along, find a different house."
The only thing Buck can do is… stare; his vision is a little blurry, hearing is fuzzy and… muted, and everything feels like it's moving too fast but not fast enough. Buck has heard and endured worse, especially when he still talked to his parents, but he still can't help the way his body seems to… shut down and go into autopilot whenever someone has a bad reaction to knowing he's trans.
He can handle burning buildings, tsunamis, car accidents, and his coworker dating his sister, but… this? Being told he's hurting people because he decided his life has meaning and it isn't his responsibility to suffer in silence so other people can be comfortable?
It's… different. It's scarier than anything the job can throw at him, because he spent the better half of his early adulthood stressing that he was hurting people by going on testosterone, having top surgery, living… stealth.
They were the only constant in his life, but then he came to the 118 and they grew quieter, were a little less frequent, because he found a support system in the 118.
But the thoughts never left him.
Sometimes when someone flirted with him at a bar or on the job, they came back to taunt him by telling him that if they just knew, they'd be revolted. With Abby and Ali, they were there to tell him that they only stayed because they didn't want to be the ones to dump the transsexual. And when Eddie kissed him for the first time, they were there to point out that Eddie wouldn't have done that if he knew the truth.
But they're not just irrational thoughts anymore. He can't just ignore them, because now he knows there's more than a sliver of truth to them.
He blinks and the world slowly comes back into focus.
Hen and Chimney are staring at him, talking to him but he can't quite understand what they're saying. Someone's hand is rubbing slow circles on his back, occasionally scratching him through his shirt, and he thinks it's Eddie because he's the only one who touches him like this.
"…Buck? You with us?"
"Yeah," he breathes out, relaxing under Eddie's touch, "I'm here. I'm fine." Eddie's hand stills on his back, Hen arches her eyebrow, and Chimney huffs out a laugh, but they don't say anything. "Seriously, guys, I'm fine."
Chimney's the one who breaks. "You're not fine, Buckaroo, and no one is going to judge you for not being okay. That was…"
"Brutal," Hen chips in helpfully, coming around to his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and giving him a comforting squeeze. "We're here for you, okay?"
