((Further adventures of George Costanza coming at as a trans woman named Artemis))
ARTEMIS: “So, there it is. I’m a woman now. So… let’s get this over with. Say what you gotta say.”
[FRANK COSTANZA MOVES HIS JAW BACK AND FORTH AS HE THINKS ABOUT THIS BEFORE]
FRANK: “All right, if we’re doing this, let’s do this! I’m going to go with… Eunice.”
[HE GESTURES TOWARDS ARTEMIS, MAGNANIMOUSLY]
ARTEMIS: “…. What?”
FRANK: “Your new name is Eunice.”
ARTEMIS: “Dad, I-“
ESTELLE: “Why do you get to choose her new name!?”
FRANK: “Why shouldn’t I get to choose her new name? I chose her old one!”
ESTELLE: “We agreed that I got to name the daughters and you got to name the sons! It’s my turn!”
FRANK: “I’m not letting you take my sacred right away on a technicality! This one’s mine!”
ARTEMIS: “Dad, if I can just say-“
FRANK: “You stay out of this, Eunice! It doesn’t concern you!”
ESTELLE: “She’s not Eunice! She’s Myrtle!”
FRANK: “You can name her Myrtle over my cold, dead, body!”
——-
——-
((Some Time Later))
FRANK: “Look. Artemis. I want you to know that nothing’s changed between us. I’m exactly as proud of you as I’ve always been.”
ARTEMIS: “You… you saying you’re proud of me?”
[FRANK TILTS HIS HEAD AND SHRUGS]
FRANK: “That remains to be seen. My point is… this isn’t changing the math.”
ARTEMIS: “There’s math!?”
[FRANK TAKES A STEP BACK]
FRANK: “Why do you always have to pick at good moment? See, this is why I have to keep updating your page.”
ARTEMIS: “I have a page!?”
