so. left is 2009 my graduation prom
right is sometime between then and 2012 when i was going to college and living with my aunt
this is 2015. id gone to my grandfather's funeral after completly cutting off my family and running away to deal with my emotions safely away from outside expectations
this phone doesn't have when i first realized i might have a gender problem on my hands that i want to possibly explore but
these are from 2019 when i was sure I had a gender desire bit wasn't sure it was worth doing anything. id told my friends though and my doubts made me uncomfy in the jump suit in the right
this is 2022. i was sure id have to do something someday but i didn't know how. i dressed up for dragon's brother's wedding
these are my most recent photos nov 2025. ive been doing testosterone since feb giver or take a couple months.
its one thing to feel... bad about gaining weight. its another to see a picture from when i felt fat and another i know i was desperately unhappy
and to see myself now and see weight gain as healing
its one thing to have always felt unattractive because I lacked desire to make an effort to be so and... to see that even when i made that effort... that's a lovely child dressed up like a doll, which while ive always like the idea of looking like a porcelain doll - i never saw myself that way in truth. it was dress up. an uncomfortable thing you did to look good enough to meet expectations and hopefully feel good enough about looking good to make up for how bad it felt
its one thing to know i was unhappy but making an effort to be otherwise and see how pretty i was with minimal effort... versus the comfortable but depressed and anxious person i was later sticking out my tongue to mask how bad of a moment that was. or the diva gremlin who thought i looked stupid every time i did something to make myself happy. or the awkward and nervous but pleased person because i wore a suit to a wedding and no one cared.
i just realized i don't smile in photos anymore unless i feel like it. you cant still tell im happier in those last two than the first two
im not smiling in either of these. im so pleased to show of my backwards hat. im tired but content in bed and in both im actively in pain
I was pretty and never saw it beyond "i guess if i put effort in"
and now I'm still pretty. looket this fucking cute dork.
ill never get tired of this. some day when i have spoons ill grow my hair back out and be pretty again but on my terms and not to imaginary rules in my head and it wont just be me that sees that I'm feeling better even when i dont smile
