Around this time last year, I remember I went to tour a supposedly very queer friendly college. I stopped at the table for their equivalent of a GSA. The conversation I had with the lady was really nice and informative, although when I went through the little bucket of pronoun pins, I only found variations of she/her, they/them, she/they, etc. they even included some neopronouns. But there was no option for he/him, or any other variant. When the lady realized what I was looking for and realized that I was, in fact, a trans man, she quickly became very visibly uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with me, the queer student looking for a safe space from this college, and I was quickly moved off to another event. I didn’t end up going there.
When I went to a convention, people would see the trans pride flags I had. We’d have great conversations and make jokes, but suddenly when I’d mention being a man, these people were suddenly less friendly and were quick to end the conversation. When I went to a panel with a trans woman, we were both treated very differently. Despite both of us saying we transitioned during Covid lockdown, her identity as a trans woman was treaded more seriously, while I was treated as some kid that wanted attention. I still go to the same convention yearly, but I’ve taken notice to how differently I get treated.
When I went to a pride event in June, I did really have a good time. I spoke to a lot of people there, however many of them stopped listening or acted uncomfortable when my actual, specific identity as a trans gay man was mentioned. When people found that out, they shifted to having their attention and questions on my friend instead. I ended up only having solidarity that felt real there with other trans masculine people, who still seemed excited to talk to me even after finding out I identify as a man and with masculinity.
One time I corrected a trans woman on what she had said about trans masculine people. Something along the lines of trans masculine people having an easy time transitioning. I wasn’t rude, I tried to be kind, and corrected her on the fact that many trans masculine people struggle to transition and pass. She said I was mansplaining to her and was a misogynist, said that trans men are men and therefore she does not want to share spaces with trans men, and other people agreed with her.
On another occasion I corrected a cis woman on what she said about trans masculine issues. She took personal offense to this and proceeded to heavily harass me for multiple months, complaining that lesbians and trans women have it harder. She even went as far as to find my private social media accounts and literally threaten or wish death upon me. People still agreed with her and told me I was the one in the wrong when I spoke up about the harassment I was facing.
The way trans men and trans masculine people in the community is awful. We’re treated as both dangerous and disgusting, but also as children and annoying. The hatred towards us and other masculine queer people has slowly become far too normalized. When we try to speak up about what we face, I only see people saying that we hate trans women, that we’re in detransitioning cults, and we’re trying to tear the community apart. I see people saying that the concept of our own specific oppression is a hate movement against trans women and the concept of trans misogyny. Masculine queer people who simply speak up about our experiences aren’t any of these things, and it’s time we stop normalizing this behavior.
