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Harrow the Ninth is one of the most complex and beautiful pieces of literature I've read. Not only is it an honest look into lifelong struggle with mental illness, but a really realistic depiction of something many people experience but rarely ever speak on: traumatic grief.

We meet Harrow after the events of GtN, her first greeting to God is pleading for the life of Gideon Nav. The description of her time in the Erebos, the long stretches of dissociative vomiting, the dulled and muted emotions, the inability to care about something for longer than minutes, her skill regression, the memory loss, can all be attributed to her at home lobotomy and long standing insanity. But they also describe what it feels like after losing someone you care deeply about in horrible and unfair ways.

Even recalling her experience with The Body as a child, after the suicide of her parents, tracks with the real physical and mental symptoms of traumatic grief. Memory loss, dissociation, false memory, sometimes hearing and seeing things, taking comfort in rituals around food and sleep and even prayer etc. It's our minds' way of dealing with something we will always be wholly unprepared for.

Her rewriting her memories at Canaan house is something many that experience traumatic grief go through, metaphorically. Cytherea references this in GtN when talking to Gideon about the 4th house and her own traumatic grief. She doesn't talk about Loveday here, but the implication is clear enough after reading the rest of the series.

“Oh, could’ve … should’ve,” she said. “You can could have and should have yourself back into last week … back into the womb. I could have kept Pro by my side, or I should have gone with him. I can go back and make things happen perfectly if I just think about what I should have or could have done. But I didn’t … you didn’t … that’s the way it is.”

Harrows lobotomy is something anyone that has ever lost someone they loved wishes we could do, at some point. The memory becomes too much, too difficult to reconcile with the reality that there will never be new memories with that person.

Muir's depiction of traumatic grief is incredibly accurate, which makes HtN a beautiful but difficult book to read if you can relate.

#tlt spoilers #locked tomb spoilers #tlt #locked tomb #the locked tomb #harrow the ninth #traumatic loss #grief #traumatic grief

You were supposed to be there, for every milestone, for every moment of our lives. We were supposed to grow old, fight until the day we’re grey.

It’s not fair.

#sibling loss #traumatic loss #loss #grief #grief post #grief journal #it’s not fair

from here

#THAT #MOTHER FUCKING THAT #THAAAAAAT SHIIIIIITTTTT #mental health #grief #trauma #grief trauma #traumatic loss

Hey. I find out this kid I was friends with in Highschool was murdered recently. There were news articles about it and everything... It feels like a bad dream. I'm having trouble processing it. I feel like I need to talk about it, but homicide is so alien to most people, I feel like no one is going to know what to say. I'm just scared. I wasn't even the one most affected by it. How do go on living knowing something like this can happen to a person?

CW Murder/Homicide, Death, Grief, Going on after loss

hey anon,

i think you should look into grief support groups in your area. these are groups that are full of people who have lost friends and family and also want to talk about their experience. if that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, i would also suggest solo therapy. you might find that benefits you as well.

even if you weren’t the one most impacted, that doesn’t change the fact that it has strongly shaken you and is still having a negative impact on you right now. you don’t need to compare your grief to others but you do need to give yourself space and time to heal from it. to talk about that fear. to express your concerns about life and living afterwards.

you do not have to bury your worries especially about this subject. you have the right to speak out and get help.

these are from our helpful resources page’s section on Grief & Loss . i highly recommend going through them.

Help Guide a site containing articles to help understand, help numbers, “tool kits”, and self help.

Mental Support Community a forum to talk about the experience of grief and/or bereavement, and the painful process of adjusting to the loss of someone or something you love.

Mental Help a site that has basic information, resources, articles, and a list of books that might be helpful.

Stages of coping with grief and loss

Coping with reminders after a loss

Types of grief and loss

stay safe,

kei

#ask mim #Anonymous #grief #loss #murder #moving on #traumatic loss #trauma