#complex grief

[rabbittongues]

[dittohasadhd]

shout out to shitty birthdays and everyone who has one. to the missed birthdays, overshadowed by a holiday or simply forgotten. to the weaponized birthdays, used to prove a point or set a stage for family drama. to the mournful birthdays, spent sick or grieving. to the lonely birthdays, spent in a new city or empty house with no one to share it with. to the silently hated birthdays, for reasons you're not required to disclose.

you're not a downer if you don't want to celebrate. you're not impossible if you have mixed feelings. you're not pitiable for pushing through hard times. you're not a piece of inspiration porn for enjoying parts of it anyways.

[faecaptainofdreams]

\\She doesn't know it's dead//

[cult-of-the-eye]

Got triggered today lads so I did what I usually do and have a comfort character talk to me to make myself feel better. As much as Timothy Stoker understands my struggles with complex grief, any manner of explosives unfortunately will not help.

[quicksilver-foxheart]

Get Out: (1/?)

Every breath hurt.

He could practically feel every passing nanosecond as if it’d been stasised. Every minute felt like an hour. He wanted to curl up into a ball and cry and sleep it all away. He saw her in everything. The vibrant green of the trees and grass, the bright blue of his tunic and the sky, the chirping of birds overhead in the trees. All these things he’d experienced or taken note of during his quest to save her.

It all came back to her.

Zelda.

He could feel yet another lump lodging in his throat at the thought of her. It wasn’t fair. Nothing was fair. Not to him, his incarnations, not to the peoples of Hyrule or Zelda herself. Why did it have to be like this? What was the point of anything if there was always a terrible shadow that had to be defeated over and over by the same, weary soul? What was the point if she’d be taken from him as soon as he finally got her?

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. It was so light, so hesitant, that when he looked up to see not Zelda but Twilight there, he was hit with another wave of anguish. For a moment, the fog had cleared, it’d been just a truly horrid nightmare and Zelda would embrace him and they’d sit like that, arm in arm until he’d all but forgotten.

“Cub? You okay in there?”

He could see the worry etched into his mentor’s face plain as day, but he didn’t care. Twilight couldn’t fix this. Nothing could bring Zelda back. Or the fallen Champions, the King of Hyrule, or any of the countless lives lost in the Calamity.

He didn’t trust himself to speak, so all he could offer was a tight nod. He felt small, so small and fragile that a single gust of wind would pick him up and carry him away, far, far away.

“Are you sure? You’ve been staring at those flowers for quite a while now...all the others went ahead, we ought to catch up.”

Wild glanced once more at the patch of blue daisies at the side of the small trail. Zelda had loved the color blue. He had saved up a ton of nightshades and Princesses to give her. Now they sat in the Slate, taking up space. Yet, he couldn’t get rid of them. The thought of doing so made his throat lock up and his stomach churn. They were supposed to be strung up, entwined and placed in vases around the house. He probably would have helped her do that on a rainy afternoon. Or, more likely, he’d come home one day to see the house sporting the lovely shade of blue.

“Wild?”

Wild felt something warm trickle down over his scarred cheek. He lifted a hand up to his face, surprised at the wetness. Twilight’s warm, firm hand enclosed over his own, subtly guiding Wild into a sitting position. The cub offered no resistance whatsoever, acting as if a small, lost child. Which, to be honest, he felt like.

“Cub, let’s talk about it,” Twilight knew he couldn’t force him to talk and wouldn’t get an answer, but hopefully the sound of a familiar voice would help. He knew what it felt like to lose someone. He knew how badly it hurt, and how it was tempting to succumb to the darkness of grief, but he wouldn’t-couldn’t-let that happen to his cub.

Letting go of Wild’s hand, Twilight wrapped the trembling form up into an embrace. Wild, for his part, pressed his face into Twilight’s chest, shoulders shaking as he sobbed quietly.

Murmuring softly and stroking the younger one’s long hair, he lost track of time. Only when he heard crickets beginning their nightly song did he realize that night was falling and Wild had fallen asleep.

Sighing, Twilight picked up his sleeping protege, grunting at the effort it took to stand up while carrying him, even as light as he was. He walked carefully and deliberately to avoid waking him and walked into camp as night finally descended. He ignored the way conversation broke off, setting Wild onto his own cot. He heard Time approaching as he sat beside the younger hero, and looked up to see his own mentor settling down on the other side of Wild.

“How is he?” Time asked quietly, face cast in light from the fire.

Twilight shook his head. “Still very upset. I don’t think it’s gotten any easier.” Between them, the subject of their conversation curled into a ball, hair draping over his face.

“Maybe we should rest here for a few days, relax a little,” he suggested, ready to spring to action if Wild showed he needed help or comfort.

“Good idea,” Time murmured, and as one, the pair of them looked across the fire to see the Links had resumed what they were doing, terribly masking that they’d been trying to listen in.

Everything seemed so normal, so peaceful; Warrior and Legend engaged in their never-ending banter, Sky and Hyrule talking about anything and everything, Wind and Four doing something in one of Four’s journals. Probably drawing.

Eyelids flickered, their owner on the verge of waking but unable to shake off sleep’s welcoming grasp. He was warm and safe, but still very, very sad.

---

It was cold. Very cold. And quiet. Why was it so cold, so quiet? It didn’t feel right. He was sure there should be more warmth in the world, more sounds, such as the laughter of close friends, kin even. What kin? What friends? His mind whispered to him. Did he even have friends and a family? He felt like he did, but nothing came to mind.

He took a look around and found himself in a very weird place, unlike one he’d ever seen before. It was empty, and everything seemed to be a golden yellow color. The color was everywhere. Well, as everywhere as it could be when there was only a floor with an empty void above and below. Looking at the shadowy pit on either side of him, he decided he didn’t like this place very much, whatever it was.

Link began walking forward. Looking at that pretty yellow color, he felt a rush of familiarity. He’d seen that color before, but where? He racked his brains, furrowing his brow in concentration, but just couldn’t think of where he’d seen it before.

Focusing more on the...room?....before him, Link quickened his pace. Hopefully, he’d get out of this empty place and be back....where? He didn’t know where he’d return to if he got out of this room, but surely it’d be better than this place. It had to be.

As he walked, he felt like he’d been in a similar situation before; walking along, confused and alone with only his thoughts for company. Yet try as he might, he didn’t know how or where or why. He didn’t know anything, really. Maybe this was just a bad dream, a nightmare even, and soon enough he’d wake up, surrounded by his hypothetical friends and family. Or maybe he was dead and this was his punishment for something awful he’d done.

Link didn’t know how long he’d been walking on the golden platform, but it felt like hours. Of course, when he turned around to see, he couldn’t tell, thanks to the yellow floor stretching infinitely away in the opposite direction.

He continued onward, filled with a desire to get out, to escape. It was as if sound didn’t even exist. He hadn’t been sure before, but he felt certain now that life was definitely better outside this barren wasteland if he could only get out, break free. But the room was neverending. It seemed almost like something, perhaps the room-no, it was more of a walkway-itself wanted him to stay trapped here for time eternal.

It took him a long while to figure out that maybe he had to do something to find the exit. Maybe he’d gone in the wrong direction, or maybe he wasn’t thinking this through. He stopped dead in his tracks as a dreadful thought hit him like a...he didn’t know what it was he was thinking of, but he knew that red had hurt. Badly. He knew that he should fear the thin red beam of light. The thought of it made his face twinge, and he lifted a hand up as if to brush it away. He was not, however, expecting the knotty, irregular feel of scarred skin, and further exploration revealed that nearly that entire side of his face was covered in scars. He wondered what had happened to him. Who’d done this to him? They felt like they’d been very painful.

He walked slowly to the edge of the yellow platform, peering down into the void below. He wished he had something to throw down there, gauge how deep it was. He didn’t know if this was the right answer. He didn’t know what was down there, or if he fell, he’d never make it out of this place. Maybe this was punishment and he’d be stuck down here either way.

Link stepped away from the ledge, taking a deep breath. He could do this. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but he knew he’d done things far worse than this. He’d be fine. This would be easy. Yet his feet wouldn’t budge. And he was trembling. He didn’t want to leave her. He didn’t want to forget her. His brow furrowed again, and he just couldn’t remember the face of the woman he didn’t want to leave behind. But staring at that gold, he felt safe and happy. He felt comforted and sure. He sat down slowly, legs dangling off the ledge, swinging through the emptiness.

Staring at the nothingness before him, he could almost feel a comforting hand on his shoulder. He didn’t turn to look, for fear of it going away. He saw a mixture of yellow and a pretty shade of green from the corner of his eyes, a flash of red and cerulean, brown-toned skin. He knew this person. How did she get here? She shouldn’t be here. But as for himself...he almost felt as if he should.

He continued staring straight ahead, watching her from the corner of his eyes. His heart lodged in his throat, and he could feel his stomach churning. Swallowing, he hunched in on himself, wishing he could remember. Who this woman was. What she meant to him. Why it all hurt so bad. Why he was here. He wanted to remember many things, but the only thing his mind offered were feelings and fleeting pictures.

In his mind’s eye, he saw a huge beast. A desert. Endless waves of sand, a girl who he felt a painfully strong urge to protect. Strings of lanterns and wooden planks clacking in the wind. Towering cliffs. A hideously ugly creature, with writhing, purple and black flesh and a terrible blade. Blades of lightning striking the ground with their pronged, crackling tips. He felt a surge of power ripple through him, electricity coursing through his veins. But it faded almost as soon as it came, leaving him feeling somewhat empty. He flexed his fingers, stretching them out and curling them in.

His mind wandered to that brief glimpse of the girl-or rather, young woman-he’d seen. He couldn’t identify her face though, and all he could remember about her was her startlingly green, aquamarine eyes.

He stared at his hands, cold and clammy and lightly scarred and pale. From his peripheral vision, he could still see the semi-transparent woman beside him. He got the sense that she was really tall and quite strong. Hesitantly, he lifted his head to look at her.

But nothing was there.

---

a/n: long time no see...whoops. but i swear i could not figure out where to take wind/wilderness. i’ve literally gone through at least 5 or 6 different versions. anyway, this one is quite different than usual, inspired by my favorite mobile game ever. if u couldn’t tell, zelda has dead, and wild is devasted 

Word Count (excluding a/n): 2000

[megajoyfultimemachinestudent]

If the holidays feel a little heavier this year, you’re not alone.💛

I’m hosting a free Goodreads ebook giveaway for my book Meeting Up with Grief Face to Face from Dec 18–30.

It’s a gentle companion for anyone navigating grief at their own pace.

Here’s the link to enter:

👉 https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/429034-meeting-up-with-grief-face-to-face-how-to-cope-with-grief-at-your-own-p

Wishing everyone peace and gentleness this season.

PS: If you’re on Goodreads and would like to stay connected, you’re warmly welcome to friend or follow me there. I’m slowly creating a gentle space of comfort and encouragement for anyone navigating grief, at their own pace.

[megajoyfultimemachinestudent]

As the holiday season approaches know that you are not alone.💝Cherish the memories and honor the love that remains.

[megajoyfultimemachinestudent]

Give a gift of love and healing today.❤️‍🩹