#traumatizing experiences

[bornangelauthor]

Come one, Come all but enter only if you dare. It's installment three of What Writers Do: October Horror Month and I will be talking about...

Today I’m on the ball. Here is October Horror Month, Part III. Enter the mind of the writer if you dare (insert maniacal laughter, crash of thunder and lightening strike here) 

[dirtycheatsoftheworld]

I'm a little anxious about running cuz I'm not fully digested from lunch...

[mishacolins]

but what's up with making every pokemon movie super sad

it's supposed to be fun not traumatizing

[fluffyfrenchfry]

Eyeball candy, AKA the foolest thing ever invented.

Aside of the relatively traumatizing sensation of chewing an eyeball (which is rendered quite well I must admit) and the overwhelming sour chemical taste, the most creepy thing about these candy is the secondary sensation of something lukewarm spilling in your mouth once you initiated the first bite..

They taste of trauma and children's tears.

You can't quite see it but there's some weird orange goo spilling from its insides...

[wheresmysilverlining-blog]

FACT: It Gets Better

Things have gotten better since the last time I wrote something here.

My friends are back in my life and I'm trying harder to reach out to them without being completely devoid of the love I have for them. So far, so good. I'm talking to others more and making an effort to bring something back to my life that was missing. I'm still not completely over the debacle the school put me through, not by a long shot. But I'm less bitter about it now. Things do happen for a reason and sooner or later the reason will be revealed to me. I believe it. I've experienced a few things in my life that have sucked a whole hell of a lot, but in the end something wonderful happened because of it.

-- When I was in the 8th grade, I was one of the few mixed raced faces in my class. I live in a neighborhood where that type of shit does matter. My dad's Mexican and Black and my mom is a full-blooded Mexican. The first week of class that seemed to be a popular topic of discussion. A group of boys in my class who were known to be gang affiliated asked around the room, trying to figure out "what" everyone was. I told them, I've never had an issue discussing my ethnicity with anyone. I'm proud to be mixed.

The teacher wasn't around for any of this discussion, and I can't remember where he had gone. Just that he wasn't there during it. They moved on to someone else in the room and I overheard the boys saying something about "Killing that bitch and her whole fucking family,"  and their laughter as they looked in my direction. It was like no one else had heard a thing, the teacher returned soon after, quieted the room down and dismissed us.

I avoided those boys for the rest of the day, and when I went home that night I tried to put it all out of my mind. I'd gone to this school since the 6th grade and these boys were in my class before, but I'd never heard them threaten anyone before. The next morning when I was supposed to be getting ready for school I faked an illness to get out of going back to that classroom, to avoid being anywhere near them. I was scared to death. My parents didn't believe it so they questioned me until I broke down and told them someone threatened to kill me and my entire family.

They were shocked but still pretty adamant about me going to school that day. My dad wanted me to report them to the principle. If you've ever been bullied, you know the last thing you want to do is bring attention to yourself or your bully by telling on them. It's like asking for them to continue to torment you. I refused. I wouldn't give the principle the names of the boys who threatened me no matter how hard they tried to convince me. No matter what assurances they gave me, I refused. After a couple of weeks of trying this, the administration at the school told my parents there was nothing they could do without my cooperation.

My parents had no choice but to withdraw me from school in my 8th grade year. For an entire school year I did nothing. My parents tried to find me a tutor so I could keep up with my studies, but I didn't really see the point. I was really depressed and thought about suicide a lot. I had tons of time to myself and I felt like a huge waste of space. Some days I would starve myself because I had this twisted thought process going on in my mind. I didn't think I deserved to live if I was going to continue to do absolutely nothing all day, if I wasn't contributing, what was the point to my life? As a kid, your only job is to go to school. I couldn't even do that.

The next year I started 8th grade in a different school, one that I thought was going to be worse than the other. It was pretty bad but eventually I learned to play the role required of me convincingly enough. I fit in easily after that, no matter what my race was. It was rough but after a year of being so alone, I made myself fight through it. The first few weeks were so hard on me, I begged my mom walked me to school for those first few weeks. It would have embarrassed other kids, but it made me feel safe. I acted like I was hard but I still put the effort into my studies. I got out of there as soon as I could, and because of my grades I was scouted, I guess you could say, and asked to apply to be a student at a Catholic school.

Only one other guy was asked to apply from my school.

I started out as one of the older kids there and that was embarrassing but eventually I pushed that out of my mind. I found my niche there, I met some cool people and I stuck to getting everything done and doing well. During my 4 years there I figured out that I could actually go to college if I wanted to. The thought had never occurred to me when I was in middle school and it definitely didn't occur to me during that year of loneliness. It always seemed like one of those things that only the really smart kids got a chance to do. And at my middle school(s) only the stuck up kids had dreams of going to college. I wasn't going to be that kid, I wasn't going to get that negative attention from the kids who never dreamed in their lives of going to college. I wasn't going to be the victim of yet another group of bullies.

I graduated from my high school with honors, I was in the top 15% of the graduating class and I had worked for two of the cities' best hospitals as well as two amazing non-for-profit organizations in Kansas City. I had gained 4 years of experience in a corporate setting, more than any other high school graduate I knew had. I was accepted into a handful of colleges across the country.

Now that I think back on all of that I went through just to get to that school, I'm amazed. At 13 I could have ended my life because of bullying, but I fought through it and found myself surrounded by a ton of awesome teachers, great friends and a caring faculty.

I know that all this craziness that's happened to me in Atlanta must be for a reason. I'm not letting this beat me down anymore.

[skandypantz]

So today I was laying in a twin bed with my new friend watching Better of Ted in his dorm room, and he had his hands/arms under his head in relaxation position and I thought I was playing with my hair for like 20 minutes and it ended up being his armpit hair.  Cute, right?

[kristencorpse]

Got in a car accident tonight.

Thomas was driving me home after we went out to dinner and the Cross Island Expressway was a mess with the thunderstorms, hail, sleet, and slush. He said as we were driving, "Do you think it would be okay if you got home a little later? I'd rather not drive in this weather." Of course we both continued on and wound up in a bad situation.

The car in front of us somehow crashed into the car in front of it. Only a few feet away from us, Thomas tried to turn into the next lane but the guy in back of us wasn't paying attention, beeped the horn instead of slowing down, and rear ended us really badly. Shit flew from one end of the car to the other and our heads and backs slammed back hard against the seats. It all happened so fast. I got really fucking nervous when Thomas freaked out and said his neck and back hurt. I really thought we'd end up sitting in the emergency room all night. Instead, we were sitting in his mom's tow truck waiting for the police all night.

It was a five car pile up in the end and eventually ambulances came. After that, there were some other tow trucks and fire trucks. Out of all the cars, Thomas's was beat up the worst; it's completely totaled from the back, the trunk literally has a hole in it, and the bumper's basically off. I waited in the car with Jessica as Thomas and his mom talked with everyone and he got examined and signed some forms. I was a mess the whole time. I only stopped shaking now. Jessica definitely made me feel a lot better with her silly and random comments every five seconds.

I feel like this was one of those unfortunate experiences with positive after effects. This was one of those things where my eyes are opened up a bit more than they originally were and I can learn to appreciate things a bit more. Also, I've never wanted to just curl up in Thomas's arms more than now. It's an experience that I feel brought us closer in a weird way. I can say the same for his family: I saw a different side of everybody tonight... they were so caring and concerned and accepting and I really appreciated their patience with everything that happened.

Now I have a pounding headache and I'm probably gonna relax and do some homework. My aunt said I could stay home from school tomorrow, but I'd rather not. I just need to suck it up and keep going with my life.