hiii! :). can i request a fic where hendery or yangyang have y/n over at place and she accidentally gets period blood on his bed but after taking care of her, and assuring she’s okay they face another challenge at the store when they try and buy some period items/snacks for her. :) ty!
Pairing ~ Yangyang x Fem!Reader
Genre ~ Fluff, Humor
Warning ~ uhh very light mentions of a slight panic attack not really but really two ig if you count yangs,, also unedited
A.N ~ Sorry took me so long to answer 😅 hope you like it!
W. Count ~ 1.4k
The bright rays of light bleed into the room in which you and your boyfriend of a year sleep peacefully, that is until yangyang throws his hand towards your face in his sleep, slapping you awake. You jolt awake from the impact, “Yang what the fuck.” you spit angrily throwing his hand back on him. “Fucking bitch.” rolling your eyes before closing them you start twisting and turning trying to find a comfy spot to go back to sleep until you feel something wet between your legs.
Your eyes fly open instantly as you curse internally praying that you’re just overthinking and you sit up looking down to see that what you feared was really happening. Your period had decided to come on in the middle of the night and not only that but you had heavily stained YangYang’s sheets and partially his comforter. “Fuck!” hopping out of bed you start silently panicking pacing back and forth wondering how you’re gonna hide this from YangYang.
In the midst of your panic you didn’t notice that the very person you wanted to stay asleep had woken up. “Babe, what are you panicking about so early I can barely dream with all of your pac-” he stops mid sentence sitting up on the bed as if he had noticed something and instantly your heart drops as you cease all pacing, “Baby,” he starts out slow, “Are those my joggers? I have been looking for those everywhere, shoulda fucking known you had them.” Standing up he walks into his en suite bathroom.
A breath leaves your lips as pure relief floods your bloodstream and it’s as if someone lifted a brick off your shoulders. You swear you had never stripped a bed of its dressing so quick in your life trying to get it into the washer before YangYang comes out. Gathering everything in your arms you start to trudge your way out of the room, the end was near you could see the finish line just a few more steps and you’ll-. Yangyang’s hand lands on your shoulder causing your body to stiffen immediately and he makes his way in front of you grabbing the bed set out of your hands.
“There’s some bath water in the tub for you, I’ll take these to the washroom real quick then bring you a towel.” He then leaves the room without another word closing the door softly behind him. The panic that quickly filled you at the thought of him probably seeing the stain on the back of his pants when he walked out of the bathroom leaves just as quick as it came when you realize that he had probably already known the whole time. In its place was an indescribable warmth accompanied with butterflies at the thought that he pretended not to notice because he knew how stressed out you were about it.
Making your way to the bathroom you grab some clothes to change into. The bubble bath that rested in the tub could only be described as fit for a queen; you could even see the freshly opened and used powdered bath milk packet resting in the garbage can. Stripping yourself you sit in the bath filled with water at the perfect temperature and you could feel all of the tension in your muscles loosen.
You hear YangYang walk back into the room and then the bathroom standing at the door looking at you. “I hope the bath water temp is cool. The comforter should take a hour or two and I can order you some food if you’re hungry.”
Looking down at the bubbles that rested above your hands, “Thanks for not making a big deal out of this. You’re the best.” YangYang nods with a ‘Damn right I am’ falling from his lips, and a bright smile splits his face before moving to make his way out of the doorway until your voice calls him back.
“By the way what did you do with that pad I left here last time? I forgot to put another emergency one in my backpack.” At your question the smile that once threatened to tear his face falls and a guilty expression takes its place.
“Uhhh about that..” he trails off, averting his eyes, his right hand reaching for the back of his neck, “I kinda used your last pad to wipe up my Arizona Green Tea when it spilled.”
“Yang I- YOU WHAT?!?”
“I’M SORRY. THEY’RE- they’re really absorbent okay?” A silence falls between the both of you and you finally look back up at him staring him dead in the eyes a serious expression taking over your face.
“I take it back, you aren’t the best.”
“WHAT NO?!? You can’t take that back away from me. It’s undeserved, I had nothing else to clean it up with cause we were out of paper towels.”
“No, it is deserved because now what am I supposed to do? I can’t just sit in the tub until my period goes off.” You say giving him a deadpan expression.
“I’ll go to the store and get you some more, okay? I’ll even get you some snacks, what do you want?”
You give him a list of snacks and tell him explicitly what type of pads to buy, “And if all else fails you can always just call me and I’ll tell you which ones to get.”
Yangyang scoffs, “I’m not stupid how hard could buying some measly pads be.”
“What the fuck is we doin?” Yangyang drawls out at the sight of all of the pads. “So many words and I have no idea what any of them fucking mean.” he whispers. He picks up a box of pads, “Ok I’m pretty sure the wings are those flappy things that got stuck to my hand when I was wiping up the tea. So that means she wants them to have them, right?”
“Super absorbent..Heavy flow. Does y/n have a heavy flow? I assume so from the amount of blood she got on herself and the bed this morning, so I should buy these right? Wait, but they say teen and she’s not a teen.” putting the box down he picks up another.
“Maxi, overnight, Super Pads? What makes these super? What the fuck is all of this?!?” Meanwhile Y/n is at the house saying I told you so because she can feel his distress all the way from the store.
Apparently Y/n isn’t the only one who can sense his distress because another boy walks into the section scanning the boxes with precise eyes grabbing one confidently and on the way to the counter when he sees a panic ridden Yangyang. “Hey, bro do you uhh need help or something?” he asks a chuckle falling from his lips.
Yangyang’s head shoots up looking at the man as if he was a god, “Bro please I have no idea what the fuck any of this means and my girlfriend offered to facetime me if I had trouble but I ran my mouth about how I didn’t ne-”
“Need help and now that you do you don’t wanna call her and hear the I told you so? Yea I know that feeling and I refuse to let another brother feel the same.” The stranger's hand falls on Yangyangs shoulder as a father would his son as he guides him in the ways of the sanitary pads. When he was done Yangyang knew not only of pads but tampons as well and with his chest puffed out he made his way to the counter with the snacks and the pads ready to tell Y/n how he didn’t need help picking out some freaking pads...well not her help anyways.
“Wow, you actually got the right ones.” you say walking into the room flopping down on the bed beside Yangyang. Opening one of the snacks he got you you lean back on him waiting for him to press play on the movie.
He clears his throat drawing your attention up to him, “Is there something you would like to say to me?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. “It rhymes with Shime Shma Shmest...”
Smacking your teeth you roll your eyes, “Fine, You’re the best.”
Wrapping his arms around you pulling you more into his chest he nods, “Mmhm I sure am. Don’t forgot okay?” you shake your head at the saying he picked up from his roommate Haechan.
Yangyang proceeds to press play on the movie and you get a couple minutes in, “Yangyang.”
“Hm?”
“I know you got help from someone cause I- mmgmhhmhMMSHSHMMHM” Yangyang’s hand flies over your mouth covering it in order to mute what you’re saying.
“What’s that I’m sorry babe I can’t hear you. Did you say I’m the Best? Oh, okay thanks so much babe I love you too.”
can you write a scenario where he gets caught making out with his s/o by the older members and they scold him (nct park jisung )
Paring - Jisung x Reader
Frustration surged through your veins just like the blood in them. You had three finals to study for and no space left in your brain for the information. Times like these you were very envious of your idol boyfriend who didn’t have to deal with asshole professors in his freshman year of college like you, but that envy never lasted long seeing as you witness first hand what those countless hours of work he puts into perfecting his craft sometimes did to him. He was barely a legally grown man but had the aches of a 70 year old who worked in construction and then it’s times like those where you’re glad you never tried to become an idol albeit you being a pretty good dancer like Jisung.
Slamming your hand on the back of the couch, “Fuck!” you yelled into the currently empty air, your apartment being void of anyone but you at the moment. “Please remind me why the fuck I want to become a surgeon.” Questioning whether or not you should take the chance now and change your major. The sheer amount of required areas you needed to know for your psychology, biology, and organic chemistry exams taking a toll on your health as you feel a skull cracking migraine come along.
You had wanted to be a surgeon ever since you were 12 and your dad had to get a life threatening surgery. The attending surgeon had calmed you down from what you now know was a panic attack with facts about the surgery and other distracting things to help you handle it better. All you had at the time was your dad and because of that surgery you were able to spend four more years with him before he ultimately passed away in his sleep.
Thinking of that story and of the surgeon who looked so cool to you that day always seemed to replenish your love for the practice.
“Okaayyy lets go, I got this. Do this for dad and the others like him-” You were interrupted by the obnoxious ring of your phone indicating that you were currently getting a call. Releasing an inhumane sounding groan you reach for your phone, only for butterflies to instantly appear in your stomach. Your boyfriend you were just thinking of was facetiming you. You quickly press the green phone icon on the screen and a comfortable looking Jisung pops up on the screen.
“Y/N, y/n, y/n come over to my dorm. I'm bored and I miss you even though you look like you got ran over by an 18-wheeler...I’m also hungry because Jaemin hyung didn’t cook me any food before he left, so can you please come over….and bring food.” Jisung smiles cheekily into the camera. He already knows that you’re gonna say ye-
“No. I’m sorry Jisung I can’t today.”
It hurts your heart to say that especially since you don’t really get to see Jisung a lot now because of your conflicting schedules. Seeing the immediate sadness in his eyes once you say you can’t come over almost brings tears to your eyes. You barely ever see your friendly giant of a boyfriend and now once you have the chance too you can’t because of stupid finals.
“W-Why not?”
“I have finals next week and even though I only have tests for three classes it’s a lot to study and I really have to pass these classes with good grades in order to get into a good medical school, so I can’t come over today.”
You see his eyebrows furrow and his nose does a slight scrunch. “Why don’t you come over here, no one is here right now and I can help you study.” He says after a short pause.
“I don’t know Jisung, you’re pretty distracting and I really need to concentrate.” You state admitting that you saw him as a distraction, something you would have never admitted to unless you were really out of it.
“Pleaseee I promise to not be a distraction and to only be helpful.” You should’ve known better, knowing your boyfriend that statement would only be halfway true but you didn’t care, the incessant want and need to see him and hug him in person combined with the pent up pure frustration had you agreeing stating that you’ll be there in a little.
~
Upon seeing the boy answer the door you felt all of the built up panic clinging to your body as if it was a leech just melt away. Seeing Jisung was like a breath of fresh air, it was just what you needed to keep pushing. Jisung looks down at your hands and sees a shit ton of note cards each in a different container and the food he asked you to bring about to spill out of your arms.
Taking some of the containers while letting you walk through the door Jisung voices the reason for the confusion plastered on his face, “I thought you only had three tests to take, why do you have like nine containers?”
“Because my baby chick, each class has three main parts that we have to study and know for the test and out of those three anything could possibly be on the test.” He looks at you with a face like the one meme of the black guy in a white shirt with question marks around him. Laughing at his confusion you start to sit everything down in the living room. “Come on I have to know all of this by next week and I only have like a quarter memorized.”
~
You guys have been studying for the past three hours. You can see that helpful Jisung won’t last much longer. His patience is waning seeing as this is his third break in the past fifteen minutes and honestly you can’t blame him. Taking a look around the room you see note cards and highlighters scattered all around you two and the floor almost looking as if a school supply store threw up on the floor. Surprisingly having Jisung help you study actually did change a lot. You now had most of the content memorized.
You’re still looking at the index cards highlighting parts that you can’t remember when you feel arms wrap themselves around your midsection and hair starts to tickle your cheek.
“AHHH baby can we please take a break I’m tired and I know you are too. You've been working really hard nonstop.” Jisung states whilst laying his head on your shoulder. “We’ve been studying for three hours straight and I really want some real alone time with my baby before everyone gets back from their schedules.”
“Just wait a little longer, I promise I’ll pay attention to you once I get this down.” You state distractedly not taking your eyes off of the card in front of you. Ten minutes go by and you still haven’t put the cards down when you start to feel feather light kisses splayed across your next.
“Stop that tickles.” You state giggling dragging out the stop.
“No. I want my s/o to stop looking at a piece of paper when their handsome boyfriend is right here trying to get their attention.” He states with a slight whine in his voice.
It’s not like you didn’t want to give attention to him, you really did but you just couldn’t and the kisses he continued to lay on your skin weren’t helping. This is why you were hesitant to come over.
Feeling Jisungs kisses solidify your attention starts to waver. You slowly start to unconsciously put the card down your head tilting back to give him more access to your neck. A slow moan slips from your lips as Jisung moves around to the front of you and puts his lips on the place on your neck that he knows drives you crazy leaving a light hickey.
“Will you pay attention to me now?” He asks switching back to the light kisses on your neck. You bite your bottom lip in an effort not to moan again and Jisung starts to move his hands to your waist.
His cool lips start to travel up your neck and at this point the cards have long since been forgotten. Hands moving to the back of his neck playing with the hairs on his neck. When he makes it to your face he stops and looks at you causing you to open your eyes that you didn’t even realize were closed.
Your lips part to let out quiet pants of hot breath and as Jisung looks you dead in your eyes you feel your cheeks start to heat up at his intense gaze. “You need a rest and since you won’t let yourself willingly I had to make you.”
“Kiss me Jisung.” You let out breathly due to him starting to kiss around your face. He makes his way to the top of your face slowly kissing both of your eyelids, then your nose and cheekbones.
You feel the exhaustion knotted in your body start to fade away as he steadily massages your sides cause you to relax uncontrollably.
Kissing both of your cheeks he moves to your lips and he stops. Grazing his lips on yours he slightly teases you causing you to let out a huff of irritation and him to chuckle and mumble about how cute you are.
Jisung finally kisses your lips as you let out a short sigh of relief. His slightly wet lips glide against yours as you start to leisurely kiss. He switches the position on the couch making sure your lips are still connected. He lays you on top of him and you move your legs to sit on his sides. His large hands move to your back and he slips one under your shirt while the other lays against your back. His hand gently makes random shapes against the skin of your back.
Your tongue slips into his mouth as they start to slide together effortlessly. But the bliss of the moment is shortly lived as you hear a sharp dramatized gasp come from the doorway into the living room. You and Jisung immediately split apart at the sound, when you see an openmouthed Jaemin and Jeno standing in the entryway. Soon Kun, Taeyong and Johnny make their way in with bags in their arms only to drop them dramatically on the ground.
“JiSuNg-aH wHaT Is GoInG oN HeRe.” Jaemin yells quickly walking toward you two. Jisung quickly sits up only for Johnny and Jeno to clear their throats, and you realize that him sitting up has caused you two to be in a very compromising position. I mean it’s not like you two haven’t been in that position before but not in front of his hyungs.
Scrambling to stand up you both fall on top of each other causing another dramatic gasp to be released into the air but this one from Taeyong. That’s not the only sound though because you soon hear badly muffled laughs coming from Jeno and Johnny. Jisung helps you stand up and pretty soon Taeyong and Kun join Jaemin in front of you.
“What were you two doing just a moment ago huh?” Jaemin questions with his hand on his hip and his tongue poking the inside of his mouth.
Jisung is the first to answer, “I’m pretty sure it was obvious we were kissing- OW” You grab his ear and pull it toward you at his snide remark hissing that now is not the time in his ear.
“Did you think that because we were gone on a schedule that meant to invite your s/o over and suck each other's face off?” Jaemin questions earning swift nods of agreement from Taeyong and Kun.
“Well first we weren’t sucking each other's face off. I like to think we were more decent than that-” Jeno interrupts Jisung, “That’s beside the point, the point is...ha. Why were you two haha making out on our couch.
“Jeno is right, Me, Kun and Johnny came over here to hang out with you guys seeing as it’s been a while and we walk in to catch you about to eat your s/o.”
“And what is this mess on the floor? I about bussed my ass on a highlighter making my way into here.” Kun states
“Jisung was helping me study for my finals next week, and we’ve been studying for the past three hours so we decided to take a break.” You say causing two roars of laughter to finally break the surface.
“Hahaha t-take kikiki ttt-take a… oh my god you sure took a break alright.” Johnny finally got out while Jeno was still crouched over from laughter
“This is not funny, they at least could’ve gone to his room.” Taeyong bargains
“We can do that right now if you want-” You quickly pull his ear again and tell him to just apologize, “I’m sorry.” You both chorus
“Look it’s ok we get it you’re both almost adults and you weren’t doing anything wrong just next time please make sure to do that in your room and not out in the open where someone could walk in.” Johnny reasons picking up the bags and making his way to the kitchen. The other hyungs follow him and leave you and Jisung alone in the living room to clean up the note cards.
Picking up two highlighters and putting them back in the box Jisung grumbles, “Great, now I’m never gonna hear the end of this.” Looking at you reorganize the cards he thinks in his mind, ‘It was worth it though.’
hello! I haven’t been feeling well today... so I was wondering if you could write something about Lucas inviting you over to the dorm after finding out you’re not feeling well so he can take care of you and you both end up falling asleep and the boys find you and yeah 🥺🥺 Sorry If it’s too specific I’ve just had this idea in my head and xuxi is my ult and he always makes me feel better :))
Aww here you go bub I hope this makes you feel better.
(I didn’t know which way you meant that you weren’t feeling well so I just assumed you meant like a small cold)
Coughs wrack your body as you lay in bed feeling even more shitty as the time passes. You hadn’t been feeling well lately and the slight fever that you had accumulated attested to that notion. Attempting to throw a used tissue into the bin next to your bed you miss, letting out a slight curse you remind yourself to pick it up later, feeling too groggy right now to do it. Man you wish you hadn’t taken breathing out of your nose for granted.
You picked up some medicine earlier and had taken it a while ago but it didn’t seem to have kicked in yet or something because you still felt like shit.
Sleep starts to come, finally maybe you could just sleep this off and when you wake up you’ll feel better you think as your eyes slowly close letting your mind slowly float away to dreamland. That is until your ringtone blares loudly through the room.
A groan that scratches your throat makes its way out of your mouth as you blindly pat around your bed feeling for your phone. Maybe if you keep your eyes closed you’ll still be able to fall asleep after this you uselessly hope. When you manage to successfully find the phone you look at the caller ID seeing the picture of your boyfriend light up the screen calling you for a facetime.
Answering the phone the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, “Hey bab- what happened to you?” Explaining that you had a slight fever and you weren’t feeling so hot he instantaneously starts to get ready to come over. Frantically throwing on clothes and making a mental list of things he plans to bring so he can “Nurse you back to health with his top notch nursing” his words not yours.
That is until his manager tells him that he can’t leave the dorm. His face falls tremendously and he gives his manager puppy eyes until he gives in saying that you could come over instead. And when you decline he gives you puppy eyes begging for you to come over and that’s how you found yourself where you are right now.
Bags of various medicines littered the floor of Lucas’s room even though you told him you had already taken something he wouldn’t have that. He even got Kun to order some soup which he was now trying to feed you as you sat in his lap.
“Lucas you know I don’t need you to feed me right?” you ask as you turn your head around looking at the grown man who was currently trying to spoon feed you soup. He was right in the middle of an ‘AHHH’ when you turned around. He lowers the spoon, “I know but I just want to take care of you. We don’t get to see each other much and I don’t always get to take care of you when you’re sick and I just want to make up for lost time.”
Bringing the cup full of warm honey mint tea to your lips he lets you take a sip before setting it back down. When you look at him again you see the hint of guilt in his eyes. Grabbing his face with your hands you make him look you in the eyes. “Look at me. I know we don’t get to see each other much but that isn’t your fault ok? I knew what I was getting myself into the moment I fell for you, so don’t think for a second that I blame you for something you can’t control.”
To reinforce your statement you open your mouth exaggeratedly waiting for him to give you more soup. Lucas’s face breaks into a huge smile as he coos at how adorable you are wondering what he did to deserve such a great s/o, he spoons another serving of soup into your mouth.
The soft hum of the tv plays the only sound filling the room as you and Lucas lay soundly asleep in each other's arms. ‘The room has been extremely quiet for awhile now I wonder how Y/n is doing‘ Kun thinks as he knocks on the door of Lucas’s room. To which he was answered with silence.
Deciding to just walk in he opens the door taking a swift glance around the room only to land on the heartwarming imagine of you and Lucas asleep together. He coos at the sight noting how there is no room between the two of you at all. It was hard to tell where Lucas ended and you began.
He walks out of the room with a smile on his face and back into the living room with everyone else who look upon him wondering how the couple is doing. His only reply is a “See for yourself.”
The whole of Wayv gets up simultaneously and make their way to Lucas’s room not knowing exactly what they’re walking into. They spot the sleeping couple huddled onto the bed. YangYang suggests drawing on their faces but is overruled by majority of the group. Instead they opt for taking pictures of the both of you.
Some for blackmailing methods and others for Lucas or you in case you want them when you both wake up. After standing there taking pictures and Kun physically forcing YangYang to drop the marker in his hand they decide to leave you two sleeping beauties alone.
And when you both wake up some time later Lucas notices unread messages on his phone all varying in context but one thing stays the same. Is the picture that now sits as his screensaver
“Omg get up it’s cold.” You grunt out trying to push your giant of a boyfriend off of the bed, “You’re taking up the whole bed.” Huffing out of frustration you let your arms fall to the sides of your body simultaneously pulling the thick blanket draped across your arms closer to your body. It was snowing outside and that caused the temperature inside to steadily drop. Xuxi’s laugh rings through the air as he looks at how cute you are when you’re frustrated.
“Come here, just lay on me. We can cuddle.” the male pulls you into his arms, and you curl up to his chest the feeling of his strong body is nice and warm against yours. “Is this better now?” he asks with your body pulled close to his. The breath from his lips blows against your scalp.
The feeling of your fuzzy sock clad feet against his tickles and he lets out a little giggle, when you vigorously nod your head. “You know we always could just turn on the central heating and you wouldn’t worry about being this cold.”
“No, that is extra money I don’t have and your body generates enough heat for the both of us.” He chuckles and lets out an ok tightening the hold his strong arms have around your waist. The low sound of some show plays from the tv as you and Xuxi lay in each other's arms. The soft comforter that once sat neatly spread across your bed now covers the both of you protecting you from the harsh bite of the cold.
Times like these are scarce, seeing as Xuxi is an international idol and is almost always either out promoting or in some form of practice of some sort. Something on the television explodes and it causes you to wake up, not even remembering when you had fallen asleep and Xuxi lets out a gasp.
When you move your body to see what happened he looks down to see that you’re awake. “Did I wake you?” He lets out in a slightly rough voice.
“Nah the tv did but I gotta go use the bathroom anyway.” You state reluctantly separating yourself from his arms, the cold immediately attacking where Xuxi’s excess he had penetrated your body and a small shiver racks your body.
Returning from the bathroom you see that the tv has been changed. “What happened to your show?” You question looking at the boy in question flip the channels on the tv quickly scouring for something else to watch as you lay back on the bed grabbing his free arm and wrapping it around yourself.
“It went off.” His arm automatically conforms to your body pulling you into himself.
“OOoo I got something we can watch.” Grabbing the remote excitedly you put on a show you had just finished bingeing, you had almost forgotten that you wanted to show him this show.
Ten episodes in and Xuxi is beyond hooked. Right now something really sad is about to happen and even though you know what’s going to happen it still hurts to see. The scene pans out quietly and at the very peak your stomach lets out one of those weird gurgly sounds, the ones that aren’t from hunger but just because and Xuxi dies.
Loud laughs come from his mouth at the sound and how badly timed it was. “Omg what was that?” he barely manages to get out past the laughter and you roll your eyes at his childlike humor.
“Come on you’re missing the show.” you say behind a smile and barely contained laughter.
Later on at night when you and Xuxi are both getting sleepy you turn off the show so that you don’t miss anything while you’re asleep and just turn on something low for background noise.
And as you fight to stay awake your beautiful boyfriend looks down at you with a soft smile, “Just go to sleep baby, you look so cute trying to fight your sleep like a child.” As he kisses your forehead you feel your eyes close, and the last thing you see before you go to sleep is his face looking at you lovingly.
Fluff with some kinda angst w/ xuxi please. Where the reader is sad bc she feels insecure of her weight and some flaws uwu
I wrote a little something else to go with this here
Someone else sent in a request similar to this one so I just combined them
Other Request Anon: Hi 🙂 Can you do a xuxi x chubby reader? I'm really feeling ugly these days bc I keep getting fat. ☹️ I really love to eat tho.. but I need something comforting to read right now bc I feel insecure to other girls with a beautiful body. 🙂 It's okay tho if you don't want to. I will understand. Thanks a lot. 😚
I know this request took a while but I hope you like it sweets
P.S the ending is a little rushed because I ran out of time sorry
As you stood at the end of your driveway you watched the sculpted back of your used to be boyfriend walk away from you getting smaller the farther he walked. Tears raced quickly down your face, the more you wiped the more came in their place. Your knees gave out under you as you fell to the unwavering ground below, the grass only providing minimal comfort.
“XUXI!” you screamed at the retreating back pretty soon you couldn’t see him any more and as realization sunk in a chorus of the word ‘no’ flowed out of your mouth getting louder each time.
“NO!” you shot up out of bed, the blanket that was once wrapped around you falling to the floor as your chest rose and fell quickly. An impending panic attack was coming to the surface as you tried calming yourself. You had dreamt that your boyfriend Xuxi had left you after telling you that your weight was too much for him to handle.
As the memory of the harsh words he spoke rang in your head you notice the current damp state of not your face. Once you had calmed yourself you took a look at your phone to see that you had two unread messages and a missed call from your boyfriend.
Xuxi:
Good morning baby, I had to go to the company for practice and we have an interview later so I might be home a little late.
Also I bought you your favorite breakfast and left it in the microwave so when you wake up just heat it up and give me a ft ok I want to hear your voice and see your beautiful face.
Stepping out of your shared bedroom you make your way to the kitchen. The ding from the microwave rings throughout the room taking the food out of the device you make your way to the living room and turn on the tv.
You do as asked and call Xuxi to which he picks up on the second ring. “Hey baby.” His deep voice sounds through the phone automatically bringing a smile to your face, “Hey” you responded. When he asks why you didn’t facetime your mind immediately went to the dream and then you thought about how you look right now. You give him some half assed lie about your battery in hopes that he wouldn’t ask anymore about it. At the same time you look at the food set in front of you and instantly lose your appetite.
You stay on the phone with Xuxi until he has to go. Getting up off of the couch your body feels especially heavy and the dream pops up again. It’s as if your mind is trying to warn you that this is your future if you don’t do something, and looking at the food again you start to feel sick to your stomach.
You throw the food away and go to take a shower hoping that it’ll somehow wash away your insecurities. Walking into the bathroom you turn on the water and begin to strip and as your luck has it you accidentally catch yourself in the mirror and it’s as if you get caught in a trance. YOu have no choice but to look at yourself, your naked body. The lighting in the room is bright and does not care about accentuating all aspects of your flawed body. The raw disgust you feel increases as your eyes dart all over yourself spotting any and everything wrong.
Your hand unconsciously lifts to the rolls at your sides accompanied by the plethora of stretch marks on your arms and your thighs and your stomach and your ass. It’s as if they never end. Every slight form of movement causes at least one part of your body to jiggle unattractively. You look at your face and the slight double chin under it.
The steam from the shower layers the bathroom, the condensation covering the mirror keeping you from seeing yourself clearly. Snapping out of it you realize that you’ve had the water running for a very long time, while in the shower you think of Xuxi and how he wouldn’t want you to think of yourself this way. You think about the feeling of his hands caressing your body with so much love and care.
Stepping out of the shower you feel a little better about yourself. You make your way into the room so that you can pick out some clothes to wear. “Maybe if I dress up i’ll feel even better about myself.” Preparing the clothes in your mind you have an image for a bomb ass outfit.
You put on the clothes and go look in the mirror to see something completely different then what you had imagined. The person you saw was not who you imagined. Your eyes zoned in on your torso and how it pushed against the shirt and the word frumpy popped up in your head. You felt as if you were the before picture on a makeover show. It was all wrong how could-
‘You know how. Why would anything look good on you.’ a voice in the back of your head told you. Instant depression washed over you. Suddenly the dream came to again and it almost brought tears to your eyes. The ringing of your phone cleared your thoughts but only temporarily.
It was Xuxi, he was facetiming you. You couldn’t let him see you like this, so you didn’t answer it. You messaged him telling him you were busy and couldn’t answer. But the reminder that Xuxi is there calmed you once again and you just took the clothes off making the decision to not think about it anymore and you threw on some sweats and one of Xuxi’s oversized shirts.
Laying in bed you go through your phone looking for something to occupy you and your mind, but nothing can keep your attention and the self demeaning thoughts start to creep back in. And not to mention your head is starting to hurt. “Maybe after a nap things will be better.” You say to yourself as you close your eyes and go to sleep.
You wake up in a cold sweat with a throat as dry as the sahara. Getting up out of bed the room starts to spin forcing you to have to steady yourself. Making your way to the kitchen you hear the door open revealing your tall boyfriend. “Hey baby how was your day?” Xuxi asks as he walks up to you after he drops his backpack on the floor, giving you a kiss on your cheek.
“Hey bubs.” you say avoiding the rest of the question as you put the glass up to your lips and take a drink of water. When Xuxi wraps his hands around your waist lifting you and spinning you lightly. The headache that never left intensifies to the point where you feel as if you are going to faint. “XUXI put me down!” once your feet touch the floor your legs give out you hear a loud “Woah!” and you feel his arms around you once again steadying you.
He cradles your face in his large hands, forcing you to look at him, “Baby are you ok? You’ve been acting a little off all day. I wasn’t going to say anything because it didn’t seem too serious but now I’m worried.”
“I’m fin-” your body folds in on itself once again and Xuxi drags you to your room sitting you on the bed where he looks at you with a face that says ‘Lie again’. You avoid his eyes, not wanting him to know that you have been feeling bad about yourself all day. He walks back to the kitchen to get you more water when he walks by the garbage can and sees the food he left you earlier this morning in the trash.
“Why was this in the trash? Have you starved yourself all day??!!” he asks once he makes it back to the room, holding the back of old food up next to his face. Your silence is enough answer for him and he walks out of the room to quickly order food. Sitting on the bed in front of you he looks at you with possibly the most serious expression you’ve ever seen on him.
“Why?” is all he says as he waits for you to explain why you would possibly want to harm yourself like this. After explaining through unshed tears to him what you went through today he takes you into his arms, his sturdy chest unyielding as cries wrack your body. “Babygirl I don’t want you to ever do this to yourself again ok? Promise me.” He holds out his pinky finger.
“I want to know that I will never in my life do that to you. I love you for everything you are. I love how soft and cuddly you are, I love how you fill out your clothes, I love how you look. But not only that I love you, for exactly who you are no matter what you look like.” he tells you looking into your eyes, “ I don’t want you to lose weight, that’s not what this is about. It’s about being healthy and starving yourself is not how you do it. I will support you wholeheartedly if you say you want to get healthy but being healthy is NOT about being a certain weight. Do you understand me?”
As if it was pre-planned the food he ordered had just made it and as Xuxi went to go get it so you could finally eat something it left you with your thoughts. Dream be damned, insecurities be damned, you do want to get healthy not lose weight. You shouldn’t be forced to feel a certain way about yourself just because of some numbers on a scale or just because you don’t look like mainstream females.
And as Xuxi sat in front of you feeding you the food he bought the only thing on your mind was, “Damn I love this man.”
happy happy valentines day tre!! 💞hope you eat nice treats and get lots of love in all its many forms! thank u for being one of my first friends here and for sticking with me ! this is the digital version of me writing little valentine's day cards to my classmates in grade school and sneaking my friends an extra hershey's kiss hehe! mwah!
No but seriously xiami you can’t be making me emotional like this 😭😭 Thank you sm for this I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you for always being there to whether it’s to beta read my work or talk about my natal chart or even about kpop group names 🥺 ily and wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day
