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[mishapslikeme]

Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need for yourself

Rupi Kaur

[mishapslikeme]

No Mourners, No Funerals.

I haven't been posting much at all recently, only because I haven't been feeling myself lately. But sometimes that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Ever pause to realise how much you've changed? There are some days I'm overwhelmed with emotion, the girl I once knew has perished. A new woman is before this mirror of mine waiting to seize the day.

Renewal is only natural. In this present moment we're all evolving with such speed and such ferocity - every detail is a blur.

That beautiful phrase - "stop and smell the roses" reminds me of this. It reminds me that we're all in this fast-paced race, our attention is always on what is to come. Whether that be dinner or the next assignment to feat.

Change is never a bad thing, we don't just need to evolve... we rely on it.

Accept your changes, transform into the person you want your children to be one day. Place everything into perspective, every detail is always worth a second glance.

Smell the roses, run through the fields. Be free.

[mishapslikeme]

Syrup Soaked Baklava

I don't want to win

I've learnt to lose

Wicked words mean more

Than sugar soaked kindness

I think I'm stronger on my own

My stupidity, my ego

It's just the fear of being left alone

That haunts me

But are we ever really alone?

My Father could kick me out

My Mother abandon me

But God - he's there every step of the way. If you knew someone loved you despite everything -

Would you ever let go?

Discovering God, was like discovering Ali Baba's treasure

Emerald's, sapphires, rubies set in gold

Everyone prays in the end

[mishapslikeme]

Goodbyes

Exactly a week ago today I thought my life was going to end - academically speaking of course.

My assignments were piling up to the rafters, and the mere idea I could get them done seemed like something out of Netflix's Stranger Things - fantastical and unrealistic (hopefully).

But here we are; here I am - every assignment finished and submitted by the due date, pressing new evidence that miracles actually occur. To now sitting on my bed figuring out what to do with the remaining four months of holidays I have left.

Time is so slippery, it's probably the most misunderstood concept to me personally. I really think the only time we all actually process the concept of time - is when we're working. When I watch that clock tick minute, to minute then to hours on end is the only time I realise how precious my time on earth really is. I also realise that work - sure they pay me for my customer-skills but the, more importantly, they pay me for my time.

Think about that for a second, the only real difference between yourself and a Tattslotto millionaire is that they have the time to do what they like, they can choose to resign or stay on. They have both - money and time.

Anyhow, I'm going off topic - I just hope these holidays bring more good than anything else.

To all of you still slogging for your exams, hats off to your undying effort - I respect your determination, on the bright side, you only have a bit more to go.

Keep smiling - or whatever mushy closing line people say these days.

[mishapslikeme]

Rich People Syndrome

Let’s make this clear. I’m not rich, not even close.

I’m not drowning in Aus-dollar bills or in cheddar; my parents though... in comparison - appear like James Packers long-lost siblings. No doubt my folks have worked hard, tirelessly to make it in each and every foreign country they’ve swung around to. They’ve never made me forget the blood, sweat and tears? (My dear mother never cries) they’ve had squeezed out of their pores, to install me into a private school, give me private violin/roller-skating/basketball/swimming classes and pretty much everything I could possibly need to be successful in anything - ever.

Given all this, I know the polar opposite to this, growing up visiting Sri Lanka - I saw my countries people shudder with every news story, the war on the very brink of stealing the very last thread of hope holding communities together. But more than that - I saw my friends, my best friends live without commodities even the biggest simpleton would consider being basic needs. Sri Lanka always has been a country in need of more. More food, more medical supplies, more soldiers and more money whilst the people of the country were writhing in the most chased emotion in the world - happiness.

For the first time in my life I saw that despite every obstacle standing in the way of living a truly ‘fulfilling’ life - as what we’d call it, these people were happy, joyous even. And not for the first time in my life - I couldn’t understand; how? why? With time and a few years between then and now I understood. If one doesn’t know what is out there? The possibilities, the amount of stuff wealthier people have - then what is there to be unhappy about? Even if a person did know - what would be the point? To be unhappy and gloat around at improbable events?

This doesn’t only apply to those in poverty. I’m a middle-class citizen (hats off to the folks) my parents drive a 2011 Toyota Camry, we’ve lived as Australians for 13 years - but we still aren’t homeowners. Knowing all these facts about my family doesn’t make me pout when I see a guy drive down my street in a canary yellow Lamborghini, windows down blaring the latest 50C track (not okay btw - thanks for forcing me to close my mother’s ears from all that cussing). I know for a fact some people own multiples houses, go to Europe twice a year and snapchat their newly updated iPhone every time Tim Cook lets one rip. The point is - there will always be someone richer, more famous, better looking, more successful than you, but that shouldn’t make you hate yourself. I find the less I have, the less I have to worry about, and that seems to be the cherry on top for my mates back home.

I’ve never seen a bunch as happy as they are. Without a phone (yeah, you heard me), without the internet, without food some days - at the surface it looks grim, switching to that way of life after living nearly twenty-one years the way I have, I would have to be Oprah or the Dalai Lama to pull that off.

I remind them every time I see their dimpled cheeks, that they’re the most courageous people I know - and all I get back is a head tilt and a look of confusion on their faces.

What I think might be the hardest thing to do, is what another persons life.

Twenty-one years, and now I know. Well, I need to remind myself every so often, but I know that being grateful for what I have is the only thing that can make it better. So be grateful for what you have, if happiness is what you’re after, start with being grateful.

[mishapslikeme]

Damsel’s in the Dark

As I sit here and type, I wonder of the meaningless stream of words bleeding like a fountain pen from my fingertips. Why am I here? poised on my non-existent rump, I watch    I wait       I linger for a shriek in the dark, a damsel’s piercing scream to wake me from this trance. My fingers know my keyboard more than any man’s face, my hands understand a novels spine more than any man’s heart. I live alone, I love alone I am drenched in the safety of aloneness and I revel. A half-lived life, is it worth living? A glass half empty is still worth another sip. The days pass like a game of chess, one move, a player at a time. Choose wisely, understand your opponent Who will utter Checkmate first?

[mishapslikeme]

Exam Eyebrows #2

Disclaimer: this post has nothing to do with eyebrows

I haven’t posted in a while, I think It’s expected now anyway- Y'all know I’m a slacker for this blog. But for real, my university has been sucker-punching me in every direction, this entire week has been a procrastination marathon. With a multitude of assignments due in a week from now and exams - SWOTVAC right around the corner, you shouldn’t even be reading this, to be honest - I shouldn’t be writing this right now either.

But sometimes priorities change and a simple task of venting/reading can unclog all that gunk from our minds, fingers crossed for this writer's block I’m going through at the moment too.

I've been thinking a lot recently, mainly about how nearly twenty-one years of my life has just flown by without me realising. I keep wondering about what I've achieved so far and more importantly what my future holds for me. As a student, sure I go to uni three days a week, work twice a week without the slightest hesitation - but when do I give myself time to reflect on where I'm at right now?

I don't think most of us do. Activities like yoga or meditation help us reach that reflective state, and I desperately want to reach to experience that peace of mind.

I think I'm at a stage where I know I don't need the things I used to think I did. New clothes, shoes, jewellery - they're not as visually appetising as they used to be. Before my *stuff* held such an important place in my life, I really can't believe I was that blindsided in the past. But I guess that's what growth is all about, I thought wearing pigtails to school in the sixth grade was cute - now I know better.

I just know there's more to life than waking up, going to uni and work - coming back home, watching chick flicks then sleeping. There's a reason we're all alive today, I marvel at the fact our hearts beat 24/7 an electrical pulse jolting our hearts every second of our lives. Maybe I'm just being poetic, but I know there's more to life than what's on the surface. I hope we figure it out together x

[mishapslikeme]

Void

We all have a tiny hole in us

Sewn into the thin material of our souls

We try to cover it up, stitch it back together

We buy things, try to find love, eat the finest cuisine

But still, that void remains

I believe it is a God-shaped hole

The only puzzle piece that fits

To give others your time

And spread love like a wildfire

Wouldn’t you want that effect

On every person, you meet?

We’re all on the search for happiness

It is the highest form of currency

We know.

Let us try to find it 

together.