Oin: i know you’ve been stitching up his foot
Bilbo: /SWEATS what are you talking about
Oin: fuck you i’m old. bye
…
Gandalf: HOLY SHIT
Bilbo: GANDALF I WILL REMOVE YOUR BEARD AND USE IT TO STRANGLE YOU I SWEAR TO GOD
I now present the alternative summary to my work: ‘Something to Start With’, as commented by NortheastenWind , because I woke up this morning to the comment notification and died a little bit reading it from laughing so much and had to share it.
(for those who have no clue what I’m on about, the link and summary are under the cut!)
“What is that?”
Thorin follows his gaze. “Oh, that. During the fight with Azog he stabbed me through the foot from beneath the ice.”
“He did what?!” Bilbo near yelps, and sure enough, now that he looks closer he can see where Azog’s blade must have pierced the top of the boot. Valar above, it had cleaved straight through. “Thorin, why in Eru’s name hasn’t this been looked at?”
Thorin stares at him like he had forgotten Bilbo was an idiot. “I expect Óin had more pressing matters to attend to. Like, I suppose, the mortal stab wound in my chest.”
_
Or, where some things get lost in translation, courting mishaps have the whole kingdom losing their minds, and simple acts of kindness and love can go a long way.