Side-blog following my writing on AO3 as storyforsomeone. Welcome! For anything beyond writing rambles, updates, and memes, you can find me on my main blog, @onlyafools-hope (follows and likes etc from there)
Regular tags:
YOLT - anything to do with 'You Only Live Twice', my Merlin WIP on AO3 - (tag for older posts: You Only Live Twice )
YOLT memes - memes for above
YOLT art - art for above
Something to meme with - memes to do with 'Something to Start With', Hobbit fic on AO3
Answers for someone - responses to asks
Quick links to writing below cut ->
Merlin (BBC/Arthurian Legend):
You Only Live Twice (WIP) - Merlin and spies - M
Tea and Espionage - YOLT prologue - G
The Hobbit (Tolkien)
Something to Start With - healing and silliness - T
Forever is composed of Nows - miniatures of grief and rebuilding - T
Avatar: The Last Airbender (ATLA)
A Festival of Fire Lilies (WIP) - dancing and soft lighting - T
Misc.
Of Wizards and Heroes (HP/Avengers) - fusion and absurdity - T
The most obnoxious thing my writing teacher taught me every story needed, that I absolutely loathed studying in the moment and that only later, after months of resisting and fighting realized she was right, was something called the causal chain.
Simply put, the causal chain is the linked cause-and-effect that must logically connect every event, reaction, and beat that takes place in your story to the ones before and after.
The Causal Chain is exhausting to go through. It is infuriating when someone points out that an event or a character beat comes out of nowhere, unmoored from events around it.
It is profoundly necessary to learn and include because a cause-and-effect chain is what allows readers to follow your story logically which means they can start anticipating what happens next, which is what is required for a writer to be able to build suspense and cognitively engage the audience, to surprise them, and to not infuriate them with random coincidences that hurt or help the characters in order to clumsily advance the author's goals.
By all means, write your story as you want to write it in the first draft, and don't worry about this principle too much. This is an editing tool, not a first draft tool. But one of the first things you should do when retroactively begin preparing your story to be read by others is going step by step through each event and confirming that a previous event leads to it and that subsequent events are impacted by it on the page.
When your character is standing knee-deep in literal or metaphorical shit with a weapon in one hand and their last hope of surviving evaporating around them, and theyβre wondering how their simple smuggling job/adulthood ritual/simple morning in an ordinary village led to ALL OF THIS, both they and the reader need to be able to backtrack through every single choice, mishap, attempt at fixing earlier problems and panicky flight or fib led them unerringly to this moment. That chain cannot have breaks in it, or you lose the whole impact.Β
AHHH this is stunning!! Gorgeous style and characterisation, love Merlin's little Q mug and Arthur's cocky hat-tip with the Walther, their positions! Merlin's hand on Arthur's shoulder! Their outfits! I'm in love, 10/10, thank you so much for taking the time to create and share this!
βRedistributing the narrative field by telling another version of a crucial myth is a major process in crafting new meanings. One version never replaces another, but the whole field is rearranged in interrelation among all the versions in tension with each other.β
Donna Haraway, βPrimatology is Politics by Other Meansβ, in Feminist Approaches to Science, ed. Ruth Bleir (New York: Pergamon Press, 1986)
just had to tell you that you updated yolt at the perfect time for me⦠i arrived in pierrefonds, france which is where the castle from merlin is the day you posted the new chapter!!!
so excited reading it here at the castle, thanks for all you hard work with this story!π₯°
Omg! I'm extremely jealous, please please share photos! Also a little in awe imagining someone reading my Merlin fic in the place the inspiration for it was filmed, it's... actually boggling my mind a bit. Super chuffed that you're taking time to read it amongst your time there, and thank you so much for your kind words! I hope you enjoy it β€
few pics from my trip to the merlin castle!! my fellow merlin friend and i were obsessing over every little staircase and corridor we recognised from the show lmao.
last pic is the view from our hotel window on the last night - just know that with the window open, stars out and the castle as my view, i finished reading chapter 26 after having gasped, laughed and saying βawwβ out loud multiple times. i loved it so much, it was SO amazing!! thank you so much again for all your efforts in writing it, and i canβt wait for the next instalment.
I am in AWE. Absolutely beautiful photos, thank you for sharing them! That last one looks about the most picturesque reading nook I can think of, (very Merlin's-first-night-in-Camelot vibes), still can't believe you were reading YOLT there, the world is a beautiful place. So glad you enjoyed the chapter β€
Ao3 subscriptions are so fucking wild to me. Every time I write my silly fanfictions and post them 124 people get an email just to let them know that this idiot is posting their fanfictions again. I send 124 people an email every time I write smut. Imagine sending 124 physical letters out just to be like βhello everyone, I put some guys we made up in our heads through the horrors again.β Absolutely absurd. I am kissing all of you on the lips.
just had to tell you that you updated yolt at the perfect time for me⦠i arrived in pierrefonds, france which is where the castle from merlin is the day you posted the new chapter!!!
so excited reading it here at the castle, thanks for all you hard work with this story!π₯°
Omg! I'm extremely jealous, please please share photos! Also a little in awe imagining someone reading my Merlin fic in the place the inspiration for it was filmed, it's... actually boggling my mind a bit. Super chuffed that you're taking time to read it amongst your time there, and thank you so much for your kind words! I hope you enjoy it β€
Hello! I just finished reading YOLT and..... OMG YOU ARE A GOD OF WRITING!!!! it's so good!!!!! I know you take time between updates but it's been awhile and I wanted to ask if your still writing it?
Seriously, the best fic I have ever read, I can only dream of one day writing with as much beauty as you do.
Hello! Thank you so much! I'm so so happy you've been enjoying it!
I do indeed take time between updates, because sadly, I do not write for a living, and my life is super busy.
That being said, I'm just finishing up edits on the next chapter update, so keep a weather eye on the horizon!
WHERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER OF YOLTππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππ
She turns to Gaius in a wordless plea for him to deny it, to forestall the grief already cracking behind her ribs. But Guinevere watches Gaius put his ear to Merlinβs chest, sees the way that Gaiusβs expression drops, and she knows.
No.Β
She shakes her head, a tiny, aborted motion.
βHis heart has stopped,β Gaius whispers.
Thereβs a commotion outside the physicianβs chambers: distant yelled voices, the slap of feet on stone steps, the thud of the wooden door slamming open.Β
Arthur bursts in, out of breath and wild-eyed.
βWhere is he?β Arthur demands.
He barely waits for an answer, advancing forwards like he's storming into battle.
βDid it work? Was it enough? Is heββ
Arthur stops. Jerks, to a halt. The rest of the words yank in his throat with a sharp, pained noise.Β
Heβs staring at Merlin, who lies too still. Pale on the bed, head lolled a bit to the side, hair damp at his temples, deep bruises under his eyes. Slack. Unresponsive.Β
Arthur says nothing. He stares at Merlin like if he does it for long enough he will see Merlin breathe.
βHe's dead,β Guinevere says, as the tears crawl up her throat.
A chink of a reaction cracks through Arthurβs shock. His sword-hand spasms. Arthurβs face goes grey. He reels back a bit.Β
βHe can't be,β Gaius says, disbelieving. He stands, withdrawing from Merlin. "He can't be.β
Guinevere canβt look at Arthurβs expression. Itβs too much. The red-raw of his eyes, the tight way heβs holding his jaw, clamping down on the tremor of emotion, the bright-burning anguish.
She turns into Gaius instead, who pulls her close, holds her as she begins to sob.Β
βItβs my fault.β
Gaius shushes her. βNo, Gwen. No, the fault is mine, Iβ¦β
βThis was my doing.β Arthur cuts them both off. Itβs the first thing heβs said since seeing Merlin, and the emptiness in his voice makes Guinevere flinch. βThe poison was intended for me. I allowed him to drink it. Iβ¦β His voice runs out.
Guinevere looks up through her tears to see Arthur has gravitated nearer, one hand on the pallet just shy of Merlinβs head, as though he wants to touch but can't allow himself.
βI failed,β Arthur finishes, and Guinevere sees the exact moment he breaks. Something in him crumbles. His shoulders curl in. βI. I failed.β
βPrince Arthur!β A voice yells distantly from outside. βPrince Arthur! You are to return to the cells immediately! By order of the King!β
For some reason, this makes Guinevere cry harder. Deep, wracking sobs that rise from somewhere unknown and terrifying. Gaius holds her as she cries. His head bows and she feels his tears in her hair. Arthur doesnβt move. The muscles in his shoulders bunch and convulse. His fists clench against the wood of the bed-frame. He is utterly silent and yet Guinevere can see him screaming.
βPrince Arthur!βΒ
Thereβs a thunder of footsteps. The door bangs open again. Gaius makes a small, wounded noise as the guards pour in around where Merlin still lies.
Arthur raises his head at the intrusion. His eyes are black with grief, glistening with an awful wet sheen. He looks at the guards, and they stop dead.
βPrinceβ¦ Prince Arthur,β a guard at the front tries, hesitantly. βThe King has ordered you remain in the cells. You must come back with us.β
Arthur dismisses them with the flick of his eyes. He turns from them, back to Merlin. βI will not,β he says.
βPrince Arthurβ¦β
βI will not leave,β Arthur snaps. βAny man who tries to make me will be met with force. I welcome you to try.β
Arthur is unarmed. His words still make some of the guards hesitate. A few of the others who donβt know better draw their swords.
βArthur,β Gaius says, very gently. βThereβs nothing more we can do.β
βHe died because I was in those cells.β Arthur says, head whipping sideways to stare at Gaius ferociously. βBecause I went quietly when my father demanded it.β
Fresh tears fill Guinevereβs eyes. Sheβs hurting with him, but she tries, too, because she knows, βMerlin wouldnβt wantββ
Guinevere feels faint. Gaius sits down heavily with a little moan. The guards startle backwards.
Guinevere turns around, disbelieving.
Merlinβs eyes are open. His head is raised a bit, and heβs breathing, and heβs staring at all of them with bemusement.
βMerlin,β Gaius manages, breathless, βyouβre alive.β
βNo, Iβm a ghost come back to haunt you,β Merlin returns, lips curling up.
The laugh that gasps out of Guinevere hurts β sharp and lovely, like good things hurt.
Merlin's eyes are gentle as they find her. Then they shift sideways to Arthur, and Merlin's eyes widen.
"Arthβ"
Thereβs a blur of movement.Β
Arthur kisses him. Out of nowhere, dropping down and cradling Merlinβs jaw to turn his head, kissing him deeply with something feverish and bright, a desperate outpouring of relief.
Itβs over as quickly as it began.
βArthur, whatβ¦?β Merlin murmurs the moment they part, turning into Arthur like it's the most natural thing in the world. Merlin looks β dazed. Astonished. He looks at Arthur like Arthur had been looking at him earlier, like thereβs no air to breathe if they are not sharing it.Β
βIβm sorry,β Arthur says immediately. His hand is still cupping the nape of Merlin's neck, thumb framing the curve of Merlin's jaw seemingly without realising. βI just. Thought you were dead.β
Everyone is staring at them. Neither of them notice.
Arthur is flushing a bit. Heβs gone stiff again, drawing back and straightening up, rubbing at his neck, looking anywhere but Merlin.
Guinevere bites down hard on her smile.
βItβs fine.β Merlin says automatically. Then he appears to grasp the situation, and amends, with a smile thatβs small-part cheek, small-part uncertainty, but altogether emanates joy, βItβs more than fine.β
Arthurβs eyes meet Merlin's again. Neither of them look away.Β
The guard coughs, looking a bit like he's wishing for the sweet release of death. βUm. Prince Arthur?β
Arthur jumps almost guiltily. He glances round, apparently just remembering their audience. There's an awkward beat of silence.
βAh, yes,β Arthur says, as though this had been the intention all along. βCells. Iβm coming.β
Merlin looks confused all over again. β...Why are you in the cells?β
βFor saving your life,β Arthur shrugs off as the guards surround him, still appearing marginally terrified that Arthur might kill them if they touch him.
βRight,β says Merlin, sounding more confused. βWhy are you not in the cells right now?β
βBroke out to confirm that I saved your life,β Arthur says. "After my father crushed the miracle flower and I smuggled it in bread, I wasn't sure it would work."
βRight. Hang on. What?β
βGaius will explain,β Arthur dismisses as they start to escort him away. "If my father should lock me in the dungeons indefinitely, I expect you to wear my favour and remember me fondly."
βI will not," says Merlin, indignant. "I would come and get you out, you prat.β
βThatβs preferable,β Arthur admits.Β
None of the guards look like they know what to make of any of this. Gaius is sighing the deep sigh of a man who has experienced the trials of a decade in the space of a few minutes. Guinevere is still desperately trying to suppress her mirth behind her hand.
βArthur,β Merlin calls in different tone, just before Arthur reaches the door.
Ignoring the guards entirely, Arthur stops and turns. His and Merlin's eyes meet again. Guinevere sees worlds in the look they share.
βThank you,β Merlin says.
Arthurβs expression goes a little slack, almost vulnerable. Thereβs a warmth there, too, though, a tender sort of sincerity that feels too intimate to witness.
βYou too,β Arthur says, gentle in a way Guinevere hasnβt heard from him before. βGet some rest.β
Then heβs gone, strolling off down the stairs whilst the guards scramble in his wake to follow.
Merlin turns back to the two of them. Gaius raises one, highly dubious eyebrow. Guinevere isnβt sure what her face is doing, but Merlin takes one look at her and cracks up, slumping back onto the pallet with his hands over his face.
βOkay. What happened? The last thing I remember is drinking the wine, then the next thing I knowβ¦β
βArthurβs kissing you?β Guinevere finishes dryly, sitting down on the pallet next to his hip.
Merlin makes a small, muffled sound into his hands. Just beneath, Guinevere can see his skin flushing deep red. She grins.
βIt wasnβt that dissimilar to how you woke up, come to think of it,β she says thoughtfully. βYou collapsed, everyone else started pointing swords at each other and yelling, but Arthur ran to your side, took your face in his handsβ¦β
βGwen!β
Gaius starts laughing. Merlin tugs the pillow over his face in a weak attempt to smother himself. Guinevere pokes him in the side and steals the pillow away, and then Merlin is laughing too, when barely a minute earlier Guinevere thought she might never hear him laugh again.
The pillow falls to the floor and Guinevere pulls Merlin into a fierce hug. She presses her face into his chest and she breathes him in. Merlin makes a small sound of surprise but his arms come up around her without pause, gathering her closer, turning to press a quick kiss to her forehead. She doesnβt have any words. There are no words for relief like this. She just breathes, listening to his heartbeat.
βItβs alright,β Merlin murmurs. βItβs all alright.β
Gwenβs fingers curl into his shirt, holding on, and she sends a prayer of thanks for the little yellow flower and Arthurβs disdain for the rules.Β
