The Problem with “Fake It ‘Til You Make It”
When the topic of self-doubt/Imposter Syndrome comes up, the advice folks love to give is, “Just fake it ‘til you make it.” That seems to be the most prevalently acknowledged tactic to getting through that feeling that you are out of your league or that you are about to embark on something for which you are wholly unqualified.
As a consultant and coach who helps my clients strengthen their confidence to share their unique abilities, there is something unsavory to me about that advice. First and foremost, it’s the “fake it” part. Imposter syndrome is defined as the feeling that you are not cut out for the work you are doing or want to be doing (often in spite of evidence to the contrary) combined with a fear of being discovered as a fraud. So this idea of “faking it” supports the icky narrative that you are a fraud or in some way being deceptive.
I can see how sometimes the thought of faking it ‘til you make it can spur you to try something you otherwise are too nervous to try. And that once you try it, you actually will get practice at doing that anxiety-inducing something. And certainly practice is what leads to eventual success. So it can be an effective tactic.
However, I think there are actually more effective tactics and mindsets to get you to take and succeed in opportunities that at first seem intimidating. These tactics are not based on the idea that you are not enough and that you have to pretend to be something that you are not. They are instead based on the idea that you are enough, that you are capable of learning and growing, and that you have many strengths and experiences that uniquely qualify you to succeed at the intimidating opportunity you are facing.
Instead of doubling down on faking, I encourage my clients to disrupt their self-doubt by revisiting their strengths, traits, experiences and perspectives. I help them build habits and ways of harvesting their strengths from positive feedback they receive and progress they make that they themselves find meaningful. When you step back and take a more objective look at your strengths, you are able to see how they are transferable to the intimidating situation at hand.
I used to experience Imposter Syndrome when speaking in front of large crowds, which ironically, is a good part of what I do for a living now! In those terribly anxious moments of self-doubt, I was comparing myself to traditional orators and assessing myself as falling tragically short when compared to them.
When I started to listen to and better internalize the feedback I was getting from my workshop participants, from the individuals with whom I was meeting one-on-one, and from my own gut feelings about my interactions with others, I realized that one of my strengths is the ability to make people feel and be seen. I also realized that another of my strengths is that I am able to share my struggles, which makes me relatable. I hadn’t before thought of these skills as ones that make me uniquely qualified to speak in front of large crowds, but I do now.
I see how people get lost in large crowds, so by making folks feel seen and understood, I am keeping them engaged in my presentation. I also now better appreciate the importance of being relatable as a speaker, particularly when training folks to address the struggles that have caused them anxiety and shame in the past, such as self-doubt and bias. By sharing my own struggles with these difficult topics, I am establishing credibility with my audience and helping them feel safe and less isolated in addressing their struggles.
Tapping into my true strengths to address my self-doubt about public speaking allows me to be and feel real. And the more true I am to myself, the more comfortable I feel going with the flow in a presentation and not sticking to a script, as I used to do. I also find myself connecting more authentically with my audience, which not only has a positive impact on them, but provides greater enjoyment for me in my chosen career. All of this has led to me being a more impactful and comfortable speaker, and the best part about that is: There’s nothing fake about it!
By Neha Sampat, June 7, 2018
