#ttclesbians

[twomumstwokids]

After many false starts and a year of trying, we're finally getting our #2.

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

We officially have a jelly bean!!!! 6 weeks! Blueberry or jelly bean! :)

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

It just got real!!!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

Not viable! Not doubling! No sac! So many negatives. So at 6w3d I say goodbye to my little Baby S! I haven’t bled or lost you yet, but apparently it’s inevitable. My heart hurts so terribly!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

5 weeks 2 days

Had my beta today and my first ultrasound. I’ll start with the ultrasound- it was way too early! It was saddening and stressful bc all we could see was a healthy uterus and lining! I’m a little frustrated that cny wasted my time and money and the time of the satellite clinic to do an ultrasound this early.

Beta... well we results came back less than desirable! Our first beta last Tuesday: 39.1 Thursday 68 and today 233.1 (so we haven’t been doubling and we’re about 100 behind where we should be. Hcg is still rising. I still have symptoms. They just aren’t sure what’s happening and why.

Options are:

1. Chemical pregnancy (again)

2. Ectopic pregnancy

3. Genetic anomaly in the egg- basically due to my age. Only 60% of my eggs at my age are good quality eggs.

4. It’s a normal pregnancy my hcg is just slow to double.

5. Miscarriage could be pending if hcg is slowing...

So with all that in mind- we will do another beta and ultrasound this coming Friday.

If nothing shows up then and hcg isn’t multiplying... we will have to investigate what’s happening!

Hopefully we just start catching up in hcg and the baby can be seen when we look next week!

I was also warned that if I have any bleeding or severe cramping to immediately go to the er and to call the office- as it could be ectopic or a miscarriage that I would need care for both!

Very nervous but I’m just praying and holding onto the positive blood work and pee tests as the days continue...

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

7w4d

After 4 days of bleeding the cramping and passing of tissue started.

I went to the local er. 2 hours later my beta came back 60. No need to sugar coat it, I was actively miscarrying my baby.

Another hour later and a 10 second pelvic exam confirmed I was actively passing my baby.

So much fear. So much sadness. So many regrets.

I’ve know for 5 years I had unexplained infertility. I’ve come to terms with that. But how do I come to terms with losing my baby, with being a mom of miscarriage.

I’m not sure how to proceed.

Haven’t had a good night sleep in the two days dealing with bean being gone!

My heart has left my body with that tiny little heart beat!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

Well would ya look a there! My body can do it’s job!!! Breathe believe conceive recieve! *correction cetrotide! That’s what I get for letting the kids help! lol

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

Day 3 ivf stims

Cd 6 and third day of stims!

I’m exhausted and hot! It is 5million degrees here in the south, but I’m sure the hormones are helping!!!

We also have two extra kids under two, rounding us out at 6mo, 15mo, 22 mo and 9! The two babies cry constantly! But we’re loving on them through monday!! We got this!

Back to stims... day one- easy peasy! Day two soreness and bruising in the tummy and my ovaries feel stretchy. Day three- I forgot to eat all day! My shots made me dizzy and I’m not sure if it’s the shots or just not eating! Shots hurt worse today that the first two days!

I’ve tried icing and heat alternating to help! It’s not so much the shots that hurt but the soreness of my tummy and lower pelvic area!

Oh the joys of scientifically creating life!