The pain
The enormous hole, the gouge at our existence started when you made the first comment about the first child. The first comment about the behaviors of a child. You put adult thought and reasoning on a child incapable of having those intentions. The next gouge leaving sharper edges is your desire to limit our family merely because of a number.
The sharp edges of the gouges in our marriage are only injuring me daily! My heart breaks for the children in our home whom you blatantly say we are doing a favor by merely offering them shelter, it’s a bonus they have food, clothes, and love. I just want to leave. I want to take the baby and all I own and restart. I don’t want a fight. I don’t want a huge to do, I just want to be done.
The next gouge is when we lost our child just 7.5 weeks into its life. You didn’t care. You rushed to a party and demanded that I go as soon as I left the hospital. You didn’t count it as a loss? You didn’t cry. You didn’t understand when I wanted an in memory tattoo done to memorialize our baby. You just don’t get the need or desire or pain of being a mother, especially a mother of infertility and now loss!
I’m broken. I’m sad. I’m ready to leave and runaway to my new life. Build my own family alone. Put all of these emotions of an unhappy marriage behind me!
But I know you will be sad. I know you don’t want a divorce. You don’t want to lose me. But what are you holding on to? An ideal?
And then two days later when the miscarriage is complete, you aske me for a divorce!