Unless you’ve walked this path...
You really don’t know.
It’s a common (and personal) to ask, “So are you guys trying to have a baby?” or “When are you going to have kids?” or maybe even subtle hints about how you’ve been married “for a while” and it’s time to have kids.
This conversation can go in two ways. Fertility is such a private matter, that most people won’t say they’re having difficulty conceiving. Or what I’ve done is actually respond and say, “we’ve been trying, we have some fertility issues.” Then it just becomes this awkward conversation because the person asking wasn’t expecting this answer. Then THEY try to backtrack and say something to make THEMSELVES feel better.
Like, “Oh it’ll happen. Just try to relax.” People never mean anything malicious by comments, but it just becomes an awkward dance... especially when they say “you can always adopt!” as a knee-jerk comment. Little do people know that adoption can cost more than an IVF cycle with the application & legal process.
I don’t think people know that asking such a simple question can be so personal. You never know if you’re asking someone who is having fertility issues or worse— going through a miscarriage or just miscarried.
It also has to be acknowledged that you don’t know the fertility status of women. A woman trying to conceive can be as relaxed and free of stress; but if she has underlying issues such as PCOS, endometriosis, diminished ovarian reserve... relaxing isn’t going to get her pregnant.
I am the biggest advocate for family planning and birth control. But it has to be said that being on hormonal birth control can mask a lot of underlying issues women have and don’t know until they start trying to conceive. You just won’t know until you get there.
