Discoveries and Disappointments - Days 13-15 - 3/30/2015
I have good news, and I have bad news.
The good news is that I made a discovery—a discovery of what the bad news is. The bad news is a lot of things; for instance, the fact that not only are my visualization skills terrible, but I can’t even seem to clear my thoughts no matter what method I try. I've attempted meditating the past few days, but to no avail. I rush through things, and while I’m in my “wonderland” which I can barely feel that I’m in, intrusive “visualizations” keep popping into my head. I’m not really sure what to do at this point, so I’m gonna take a hike down to Reddit’s Moronic Monday thread and ask away. For now, I suppose, a brief retelling of the past daily events.
Almost nothing was accomplished today. I tried to do my first forcing session, and spent almost an hour trying to clear my mind and make my wonderland. However, my problem I have been having is that when I go to create something, I immediately imagine it already completed, and then intrusive thoughts take over my entire mind. I also can’t do anything in my wonderland without “rushing” through it—that is, when I want to walk somewhere, I just sorta end up skipping through the traveling part and already end up there. It’s not really teleportation, but it comes close. Also, if I were to bend down and collect firewood, I’d bend down and a second later I’d accidentally be imagining myself holding it all. Anyways, I felt the wonderland was also way too big, so I decided to obliterate it in a fiery explosion. I suppose that was a bit more vivid.
Today was a little more interesting—I began work on my new wonderland. I made it as a small island in the middle of an ocean—I’ll post it after this update. Anyways, I've still had the rushing problems—however, I sat down and decided to create Adrea. I sat down on one of the logs surrounding a campfire I made and thrust out my hands, watching as a beam of light shot out of them. The force made me go flying through the air and slam into a tree, while the light collected to form an orange, glowing orb of light. This part was very vivid, obviously, and I had no intentions for me to go flying back. After talking with her for a little bit, I brought her inside a small cottage I made and let her just kind of float in place, telling her about deviation and how she could do whatever she would like to her form. I had to leave about ten minutes after I created her.
My main problem here is that, when I created her, I felt nothing. There was no presence, no emotion, no anything. I don’t even feel like I created a tulpa, and this is probably because of my previous problems. I’m gonna hitchhike down to the Reddit thread and ask about what to do, now.
