A Girl Is No One
Chapter 2
Warnings: Mentions of death, I think that’s it. If you see anything that needs a warning, please let me know!
Word Count: 2538
A/N: Here ya go, kiddos! This is where my mind went when asked to continue the story. Unfortunately for my Simcoe fans, he is not in this chapter since this is dealing with Caleb and the reader. This is really just building tension and adding fuel to the fire. My ask box is always open if you wanna yell at me about it.
Special thank you to @allkinds-oftrash for being awesome and beta reading (am I using that right? I’m old and sleepy) this for me.
Tags: @im-way-too-many-fandoms @beautifulfound
Part One |
Table of Contents | Series Masterlist
“Caleb?” You ask as he steps further out of the shadows towards you. You’re frozen in place, torn between wanting to take him into your arms or strangle him with your bare hands for what he put you through.
“What is he doing here?” You direct the question to your parents, completely ignoring the man that stands in front you.
“[Y/N], please I just need…” Caleb begins speaking.
“NO!” You shout, interrupting him. “You have absolutely no right to be here. Not what after you did.” You said as you watch your parents slowly make their way out of the room, your mother gives a light squeeze on your shoulder as she passes you.
“It’ll be okay, we’ll be upstairs.” She whispers to you before following your father.
“Please, [Y/N]. I just here to you talk, I promise. I’m worried about you.” He said, reaching out for you, but you pull your hand away from his.
“Oh, wonderful, a promise from Caleb Brewster. Shall I remind you of what happened the last time you promised me something?” You sarcastically ask him. You could feel all the anger and hurt you had buried over the last several years starting to claw their way to the surface, the longer you looked at him, the more intense those feelings became.
“I’m sorry for all of that, I am. I wish I could make it better and I am trying to, that’s part of the reason why I’m here.” He explains.
“You think that showing up here, unannounced in the middle of the night and saying you’re sorry is going to magically fix things? Get out. I don’t want to hear it, it’s too late.” You step aside, clearing his path between Caleb and the front door.
“Come on now, sweat pea, you’re in danger. You need to hear me out.” Caleb argues as he tries to once again reach out for you.
“York City is safer than whatever hole you obviously crawled out of, Mr. Brewster.” You answered with an icy tone.
“[Y/N], please I am beggin’ ya. I know I hurt ya bad in the past, but I need you to listen to me. You are not safe, there is a very dangerous man after you.” He pleads.
“What are you talking about? Why would anyone come after me? I’m not important, I’m just a tavern girl.” You shot back, not believing a word that was coming out of Caleb’s mouth.
Caleb took a large step towards you, holding onto your arm he whispers into your ear, “I’m a lieutenant in the Continental army, on a special assignment under Ben Tallmadge.” He starts to explain, but you can’t help but to roll your eyes at the mention of Ben, if both he and Caleb were involved, God only knows what mess they had gotten themselves into.
“Your name has come up in a few intelligence reports…” He continued.
“Intelligence reports with my name? Why would my name in any sort of report?” You interrupt, shaking your head at his terrible attempt at justifying his appearance.
“Because, sweet pea, there’s a man who has started to show interest in you, hasn’t there?” He questions you, but already knowing the answer.
“So there it is. The real reason you’re here, Caleb. You’ve found out that a man has shown interest in me and you’re here with your fabricated lies to cover for your jealousy.” You answer, pushing Caleb away from you. “You had your chance, Caleb.”
“For Christ’s sake, woman. Will you just let me finish without interruptin’?”
You turn away from Caleb, not wanting to look at him anymore and walk towards the living room. You were becoming not only physically exhausted, but emotionally exhausted as well, seeing Caleb and opening up all of your old scars was taking its toll. All you wanted now was to sleep and not deal with whatever problems Caleb was trying to dump on your doorstep. To say that you had run out of patience would be putting it very lightly.
This was not how you wanted your night to end. Your night had been so promising, you had finally found the courage to ask John about the Rangers he had following you. The encounter afterwards was even better than you had thought, you were confident and held your own with John. He wasn’t as terrible as everyone had claimed, yes his methods could be considered overkill, but he was still kind and respectful towards you.
“No, whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it and I want no part of it. I am perfectly capable of handling myself. The only thing I want from you, Caleb, is to get out of my home and to never speak to me again.” You replied, letting a bit more of your anger out.
“Stop bein’ so damn stubborn and listen to me. I am here because I am worried about ya, alright? I wanna keep you safe.” Caleb answered as he caught up with you.
You couldn’t help but laugh and shake your head at his statement. His concern for you, you rolled your eyes at the thought. After everything he put you through, for Caleb to march back in, or in this case probably break back into your life feigning concern just when you were starting to feel like you were finally starting to properly move on with your life, it was unfair. You were the one left to deal with the consequences not him, and now he stands before you spouting words about how sorry and concerned he is. You clench your fists; you can feel your nails digging into the flesh of your palms as you attempt to keep yourself together.
“Empty words and empty promises, Caleb. That’s all you’re good for.” You snap at him, walking further into the living room. Sitting down in your father’s armchair, closing your eyes as you rub your temples, trying to ease the headache that this encounter was giving you. You open your eyes to see Caleb standing in front of you, you try looking past him trying to wake up from whatever terrible dream this had to be that would bring Caleb to you.
He kneels in front you, pulling one of your hands away from your face so that he can hold it.
“Sweet Pea, it doesn’t have to be like this between us. Please, just hear me out and then you can scream and holler at me all you want.” He pleads you with.
You shake your head, “fine, if it’ll get you out of my house faster,” you respond as Caleb breathes a sigh of relief.
“Ben received intelligence from one of his operatives inside the city. This operative mentioned that a man named John Simcoe seemed to have taken an interest in you. Is that true? Has he tried courting you?”
“In a way, I suppose. He has shown interest, but I am not sure of his intentions.” You shake your head, catching yourself before you tell Caleb too much. “Why does it matter? We’re not together and I am free to associate with whomever I’d like.”
“It matters because he’s a dangerous man, [Y/N]. He has done terrible things, you need to stay away from him.”
You slowly pull your hand out of Caleb’s, letting it hover near his bearded cheek for a moment.
“No,” you reply. “John may very well be…unconventional in his tactics, but aren’t we in the middle of a war? Wouldn’t the British consider you to be dangerous? Haven’t you done terrible things? Besides, John has only ever been respectful towards me.”
Caleb scoffs as he hears you refer to Simcoe by his given name.
“[Y/N], please be reasonable. I swear I am not sayin’ this out of jealousy, I’m tellin’ you this because I’m worried about your wellbeing, love. That man is nothin’ but trouble, you and your family need to stay far away from him.”
You push Caleb away from you, you watch as he stares up at you from the floor.
“How dare you, you come in here with your lies and have the nerve to tell me how to live my life.”
“Love, I’m not lyin’. I could tell you everything horrible thing he’s done to us, to our home, to…” Caleb starts
“That’s not what I’m talking about, Caleb. Your lies about caring about me.” The tears you had managed to hold back started to fall down your cheeks. You angrily wiped them away, feeling ashamed that you let Caleb get to you like this.
Caleb sat up, confused and unsure of how to continue. He knew he wanted to comfort you that you deserved to be comforted. He wanted to make sure that you were always safe and protected, but now seeing you sit in that old armchair trying to hide your tears from him, Caleb wasn’t sure if he had it in him to do anything, everything he seemed to do just made things worse.
“You left me all alone to deal with the consequences, Caleb. Do you know how cruel people can be? How quickly those who were once considered friends turned their backs on me? Or called me a whore to my face? No, I suppose you don’t, because you were off having adventures off in Greenland or God knows where else.” You said, staring him down as you let all your pent up anger and hurt out.
“I’m sorry, [Y/N]. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity I had to take it. I thought you would wait for me, that you’d be there when I came home.” He tried to reason with you.
“Like a loyal dog, waiting for it’s master to return?”
“That’s not what I meant, love, and you know it. Stop being cruel.” Caleb gets up from the floor and sits in the armchair across from you.
“No, Caleb, what is cruel was having to listen to our friends and neighbors whisper behind my back. Or hearing things such as,” You continue speaking in a mocking tone, “’Well, that’s what she gets for laying with the Brewster boy. What a harlot. I thought her parents raised her better than that.’” You return to your normal speaking voice, “But yes, I suppose I was cruel for not waiting for you to come home.”
Caleb just sits across from you, feeling ashamed that his actions you to suffer alone like that. You’re no longer looking at him; instead you stare into the fire watching the flames dance. Caleb opens his mouth to speak, but you cut him off continuing your story.
“I honestly don’t know what was worse, their cruel words or their fake sympathy after.”
“What do you mean after?” Caleb asks feeling confused, like he’s missed an important detail of the story.
“After I gave birth, our son…” You voice gets smaller, less angry but far more heartbroken.
“I have a son? Is he upstairs? Can I meet him? I know it’s late, but who knows if I’ll ever get another chance. Wait, why didn’t your parents tell me?” Caleb continues to throw what feels like a thousand questions at you, not allowing you to answer before throwing another one. Caleb bounces to his feet, about to run towards the staircase. You stop him by grabbing his arm, holding him back and putting a stop to the questions.
“Sit down, Caleb. Please.” You ask, looking up at him knowing that you were about to break his heart. The two of you sit in silence for a few moments as you tried to collect your thoughts and tried to form them into words.
“Our son, Gabriel, he only lived for two months.” The tears start to blur your vision, but you can still see Caleb, he sits across from you holding his head in his hands. “Afterwards, people still whispered cruel things about me, but some of them were replaced with forced condolences, or telling me that it was better for me this way. I could live my life without the constant reminder of my shame following me around.”
After you finish speaking, the only sound in the room is the sound of the slowly dying fire, neither of you sure of what to say to each other. You had just broken Caleb, just as he had broken you when he left.
You reach up to the locket around your neck, squeezing it in your left hand as you close your eyes, imagining your little boy and what he would look like today. You had always hoped that he would have Caleb’s dark curls and his bright smile. You picture this little boy, your little angel, running around while you happily chase after him. You smile at this thought, but heartbroken that it will always remain nothing more than a painful daydream.
You wipe the tears from your eyes as you look over at Caleb; he’s slouching in his chair. His normally bright and vibrant personality are gone, the only way you can describe how he looks is to say he looks defeated.
“I know I keep sayin’ it, but I am truly sorry, [Y/N]. I had no idea you went through all of that by yourself. I wish I had known.”
“It’s my fault, Caleb. You were really never one to think of the consequences of your actions, I should have realized it sooner. Maybe all of this could have been avoided if I did.”
Caleb gets out of his chair and once again kneels before you.
“If I had any idea that you were carryin’ my child, I never would have left. I would’ve stayed and made things right.”
“What’s done is done, Caleb. There is no point in living and constantly wondering ‘what if’. That’s no way to live.” You lift his chin so that you can look into each other’s eyes, “we both have to learn to live with our scars and allow them to make us stronger.”
Caleb rests his head in your lap, there was still a part of you that wanted to push him away and never forgive him for all the pain he caused you. Instead, you run your fingers through his dark curls, listening to his quiet cries and whispers of apologies into your skirts. You had carried the anger and hurt for far too long, it was time to take your own advice and live with your scars.
There was a moment in your life when you thought the man sitting before you was going to be the person you would spend the rest of your life with. You used to be able to imagine that life clear as day, you could see yours and Caleb’s faces happily weathered by a life well lived, sitting in a home surrounded by your children and grandchildren celebrating some future holiday. As much as you once ached for that life, it was gone and nothing would ever be able bring it back. Now when you tried to imagine that life, it was no longer Caleb sitting beside you and the children surrounding you no longer shared his bright smile.