❝But Celia was the sort of beautiful that felt as if you could hold it in your hands, like if you played your cards right, you might just get to marry a girl like Celia St. James.❞
Edwards and the design group reviewed all previous incarnations of Godzilla's design for inspiration. Edwards stated, "The way I tried to view it was to imagine Godzilla was a real creature and someone from Toho saw him in the 1950s and ran back to the studio to make a movie about the creature and was trying their best to remember it and draw it. And in our film you get to see him for real." He went on to say that his Godzilla remains true to the original in all aspects.
Edwards also stressed that, "It was important to me that this felt like a Toho Godzilla" and concluded by wishing, "I'd love ours (Godzilla) to be considered as part of the Toho group."
Hi! I really like your writing, and I hoped you would write a Cordelia and Alastair fanfic with the prompt "You held the sky for so long, let yourself share the burden with me".
I'm craving angst. Thank you if you do and stay safe out there!!
Hello! Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm so happy you enjoyed my writing! So, tbh all my writing is kind of on hold right now. But I tried to write this one for you. I'm a little out of practice that's why this is little short. Hope you like it 🤍
“You held the sky for so long. Let me share the burden with you.” || Alastair & Cordelia
Sometimes when Alastair looked at the sky he wasn't seeing the beauty everyone else did. Not the shining stars or the dark between them, not even the bright moon. Only the heavy, thick burden of his own existence.
He should put on nice clothes. He should go outside. He should be held together. He should.
Sometimes, in quiet nights without clouds, he felt like the whole sky was on his shoulders, large and big, only his to carry.
He held back tears. He couldn't cry. Tears were something expensive. Because what would happen if anyone saw him? What would his mother think? Or his father? Or Cordelia?
Oh Cordelia. How much he wanted her to understand. And at the same time he would do anything possible she to not understand. If the praise for Cordelia's happiness was Alastair's loneliness, he was going to pay it.
Unexpectedly, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. As he looked, he saw Cordelia.
“Alastair,” she said softly. He took a deep breath. “Beradar.”
He started to tremble. He didn't want Cordelia to see him so weak. So wrecked and fragile.
“I'm not a little girl anymore,” she said quietly. “You don't need to protect me from the truth.”
Alastair's eyes watered. He didn't know what to do. What should he do?
“You held the sky for so long,” his sister whispered. “Let yourself share the burden with me.”
Alastair exhaled sharply. He couldn't hold back his tears anymore.
But as he was breaking down, he knew he won't carry the sky alone anymore. His sister was there and she would protect him the same way he had protected her.
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Hold out your hand
'Cause friends will be friends
Right 'til the end
• • • • • • •
Soon after they entered Camberwell, Thomas smelled smoke.
Christopher and he were in a group with three more Shadowhunters. To kill an Ignis demon a few Shadowhunters were needed. One or two didn't stand a chance.
Thomas' bolas were in his hand. The whole group was armed, with weapons out. Somehow Thomas was feeling like it wouldn't be enough.
He exchanged a glance with Christopher. Everyone was tense but the two cousins were even more anxious. As far as Thomas was aware Anna, Cordelia, James and Matthew found information that Ignis demons had some connection with s warlock who used only fire magic. He had released dark, dangerous and old magic. And not only that but this warlock experimented with it. They weren't sure what happened but these demons were coming from somewhere, a Portal probably. And Christopher wanted to find this place and close it.
It was insane, Thomas thought. To find its source, they had to cross the whole Camberwell, to come at the end of it and to survive the place with most Ignis demons. Easy, right?
Thomas wanted to put more runes of Kit and himself. They put on each other earlier but it felt insufficient.
“When Ignis demon comes,” Christopher whispered to Thomas. “Cover me for a minute. I'll take a sample in seconds. Just cover me.”
Thomas sighed. “This is such a bad idea.”
“Thomas,” Christopher said tensely.
“Of course I will cover you, Kit. Just… be careful around the flames. Please. I can't let anything happen to you.”
He was also thinking how neither Anna nor uncle Gabriel could take it if Christopher got hurt. After aunt Cecily this would be too much.
Suddenly, the air filled with thick smoke. Heat hit them and Thomas squeezed his bolas so hard he felt pain. He pulled out a seraph blade and quietly whispered the first angel's name he could think of.
This was going to be a long night.
• • • • • • •
There were so many wounded, so many unmoving bodies around him.
People were screaming, running to the injured ones, trying desperately to save them, to keep them alive until the Silent Brothers came.
Thomas has done dozens iratzes tonight. His mind was dizzy. He almost couldn't believe what was happening, how the things went so wrong …
“Tom!”
Thomas turned to Christopher's voice. He was next to a man, trying to hold him still. Thomas finished the rune he was doing on one young girl and hurried to help his cousin. Together they managed to hold down the man so Kit could put a few runes on him. After that they both split, going to different injured Shadowhunters. But they couldn't do much. Not until the Silent Brothers come.
After what felt like hours, more Shadowhunters came. The situation was handled by the newcomers, letting the others take a breath. Together they walked to the Institute where a lot of the wounded were put.
Thomas took a deep breath, leaning against the wall. He was trembling. Through a fog he watched as more people were coming, worried about their close ones. He saw Matthew, his face white as sheet, as he was approaching Charles who was severely injured. Anna was hugging Christopher tightly. And James and Lucie who were looking around the room, probably for him.
Thomas felt sick. His stomach ached. He was short of breath. The crowded room, the screams of pain and the smell of burnt flesh were too much. He knew his friends would be worried about him but he was overwhelmed. He needed to get out of this room.
He stumbled toward the exit. He didn't even remember how he got in the room in the first place, Raziel. No one noticed him, everyone worried about their family.
Finally, he went out of the Institute. The cold air was refreshing. Light breeze. The very first sunlight. Thomas went in the shadows not far from the entrance and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes.
Good, he thought. Maybe he could cope after all.
Then he heard someone screaming his name. “Thomas!”
He blinked towards the one who was calling him… it was Alastair. He was walking, almost running, towards him, his face terrified.
“By the Angel, are you hurt?” he asked, sounding so worried that Thomas' heart ached.
Thomas shook his head. “No, no, I'm fine, I…” he was talking nonsense now. “Don't hug me, I'm sweaty, covered in blood and ashes, and…”
“Fuck that,” Alastair said and grabbed him in a tight hug. Thomas returned it with a sigh that suspiciously sounded like a sob.
Their arms were around each other, desperate to feel the other one was fine. Thomas buried his face in Alastair's neck. He shut his eyes and tried to empty his mind. Alastair was here and this was that was enough to give him comfort.
• • • • • • •
“Are sure you're fine?” Alastair murmured.
They were still hugging, unable to let go.
“I…” Thomas just wanted to melt into Alastair's embrace, to listen to his voice and forget everything around them existed. He couldn't do that but Alastair was here - everything was going to be fine. “Yes. Yes, I'm…”
“What, in the name of Raziel, is happening?” a voice, only a few meters away, said.
Alastair and Thomas got away from each other and Thomas immediately missed his touch. The warmness of his body and breath against his skin. His strong arms around his waist and neck. Thomas got embarrassed that someone witnessed such an intimate moment between Alastair and him.
He was going to tell the person to go away, an excuse already on his lips. Then he saw who was standing there.
It was Matthew. Matthew, with blood on his hands and worryingly pale face, was watching them with a strange expression.
“I…” but Thomas didn't know what to say. He knew Matthew wasn't going to judge him for the fact that he was with another man. No, but… he also knew his strong dislikeness of Alastair. His stomach clenched.
“What are you doing?” Matthew said, looking at Thomas. Like he was refusing to even give Alastair even a glance.
As Thomas was watching him, he could tell with absolute certainty that his friend already figured it out. The understanding of the nature of Thomas and Alastair relationship was in his eyes.
Thomas didn't say anything. It wasn't necessary.
“You… you two…” Matthew's face turned into a grimace. He shook his head. “No…”
He saw James and Christopher approaching them with confused faces.
“Are you serious?” Matthew suddenly sounded angry. “Are you out of your mind, Thomas? From every person in London you choose him?” He started to yell now.
Alastair flinched. Thomas clenched his fists.
“From every Shadowhunter, mundane and Downworlder in this city, you choose the damn Alastair Carstairs?”
“Matthew…” James put a hand on his parabatai's shoulder but Matthew shaked him off.
He continued to yell at Thomas. He was so upset. “How could you? With the person who bullied us in the Academy, who made James and my life's hell, who was saying those awful rumors…” His voice was trembling with anger, his whole body even. “Do you know what horrible things he said to me on our last day of the Academy? Do you know how-”
Thomas couldn't take this anymore. He made a step forward, hiding Alastair from his friends' eyes.
“I do know, Matthew,” Thomas said, not realizing how angry he became. “I know because Alastair told me! He apologized to me. He is sorry and he feels terrible for acting like this in the Academy.”
“This doesn't excuse him!” Matthew exploded. “This doesn't change the fact how horrible he is, what person he is and-”
“Don't talk about him like that!” They both were yelling, probably attracting attention. Thomas couldn't care less. “And don't forget that after you, James and Christopher were expelled from the Academy, you left me there alone . My only and closest friends left me alone there and you know what? After this I spent a whole year in the Academy with Alastair and I did know him then, I do know him now and you don't have the damn right to talk about Alastair like you know a thing about him!”
Matthew and Thomas were breathing hard, looking at each other angrily and hurt by each other's words.
Eventually Matthew turned around and stormed back into the Institute. Thomas thought he saw tears in his eyes.
Thomas just now noticed that Anna, Lucie and Cordelia were there too. He didn't know how they all would react but he was on the edge to break. This night, this horrible night, was too much already, but this? This terrified Thomas more than any demon.
Most of his friends had stunned faces. They were surprised by the revelation of Thomas and Alastair's relationship, as well as his fight with Matthew.
Only Cordelia's eyes were watery and she was smiling a little. She was looking at Alastair. Then Anna's lips broke into a soft smile, with sparkling eyes.
“Oh dear cousin…”
James was going to say something but they were interrupted. An older Shadowhunter was yelling at them about the wounded, how they should get lost and how this was not the place or the time for chatting.
They separated. Anna went after Matthew, Cordelia walked over to Alastair. Christopher - to Thomas. James seemed frantic looking at the Institute but went to Thomas too.
Alastair grabbed his hand and said quietly, “At the Battersea park, 12 p.m.” He seemed collected but his voice was hoarse and raw.
Thomas squeezed his arm in return and nodded, anxiety clenching his stomach.
After that Alastair went to Cordelia and they disappeared into the chaos. Then Thomas turned to his friends. James, Lucie and Christopher.
James looked straight into Thomas' eyes. “Matthew has his reasons to dislike Alastair. But I am happy for you two, Tom. If Alastair makes you happy, I'm happy too.”
Lucie nodded, smiling softly at him. “We support you 100 percent, you big giant.”
“I'm not sure what is happening,” Christopher admitted. “But you're my brother, Thomas, as much as Anna is my sister. You both are amazing.”
Thomas' eyes filled with tears. Something broke inside him, probably his heart, but it was good. It was good and warm and beautiful. The four of them hugged, no one caring Thomas and Christopher were dirty, no one caring people were watching them, no one caring what someone else was thinking. It was perfect and imperfect in the most beautiful way.
After they separated, James went to see how Matthew was doing and Christopher went to talk to his father who had just arrived to see his son. But Lucie stayed.
“Let's go to your house,” she said. “You need a rest.”
Thomas agreed.
As they were walking on the almost empty street, Lucie said, “Actually, I must admit, I could tell something was happening with you two.”
Thomas shooted her a look and raised an eyebrow.
“I'm serious!” Lucie insisted. “Do you know Alastair came to the Institute to ask for you a few times? And you have these moments when you space out while we translate. I did know something was up.”
Thomas smiled and just shook his head. For the first time in his life he felt grateful that he was with someone who filled the silence.
He realized Lucie had stopped talking for a minute. “What is it?”
She seemed serious. Lucie Herondale was rarely serious so Thomas immediately got worried.
She sighed. “Please, just don't be too angry at Matthew.” Thomas didn't say anything so Lucie continued. “Even before his fight with you, he was shaken. Right before seeing you and Alastair he was with Charles, who is dying.”
Thomas took a sharp breath. “Charles is-”
“Not yet,” Lucie said with a tense voice. “But his condition is… not good. At all.”
“Oh Luce,” Thomas sighed and gently put a hand around her shoulders. She leaned into him without saying anything else. They continued to walk in silence.
• • • • • • •
After a few hours, when Thomas was tested and clean, Anna came to see him.
He heard all the news from her. The sample Christopher took from the Ignis demon helped them a lot. They found the fire warlock who somehow was responsible for these demons.
“What about James, Cordelia and Lucie? I doubt they will just sit around doing nothing when we have this information,” Thomas said.
Anna looked at him with an unusual sad expression. “Because of Matthew.”
Thomas' breath stopped. No matter their fight, no matter Matthew's words, if something happened to him…
“He is fine. At least physically,” Anna lighted a cigarette and inhaled. With still expression she said, “But Charles died from his wounds last night.”
• • • • • • •
A/N: This is something I wait to write since I started this fic :D So here you go with this bittersweet chapter 🥰 And I know you waited... a lot... so accept this as New Year gift!
(Also, I'm kind of nerves because after this chapter, I have to write one more and then the Epilogue 😳 It's scary this thing to come to end, huh)
And a bit random but - special thanks to @666-notsatan ☺️ While reading her Thomastair fic I got inspired to write this chapter. Seriously, I was slapped in the face with inspiration and motivation - I wrote 90% of this for two and half hours in the middle of the night. I have no regrets.
Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get.
