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why are you full of rage? because you are full of grief

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Hi there! Please feel free to ignore this ask if it’s culturally sensitive/a closed tradition. There are a few fics out there about Dick that explore the idea that as a Romani person, he might believe the most appropriate way to mourn his dead parents would be to burn all of their possessions, to help their spirits move on. From what I can tell through online research, this is a practice among some Romani groups and not others. Is ever this practiced among Showmen? Or do Showmen have other typical ways to mourn their dead?

Hi. Thanks for the ask!

So, death and funerals are a huge thing for Showmen and other GRT groups in the UK, and as far as I can tell, our traditions are very similar, with a few variations (e.g. Showmen might have something more related to fairgrounds, Irish travellers tend to have bigger graves, and a bigger emphasis on funeral flowers).

So, in my experience, we don't burn things. I've not heard of any of my ancestors burning things, either, but there might have been something we did way back, or which my family just didn't practice. This is mostly for practical reasons: wagons were expensive, and were also the family home - it's likely there were still people who needed to live in it! Also, we stopped living in wooden vardos about a hundred years ago, when they started to be replaced with Showmen's living wagons, buses, trailers, and chalets, which are largely made of metal, and thus a lot harder to burn.

There might be something to it, in that there's a tradition to place meaningful items in the coffin with the deceased as grave goods, which will then be burned if the deceased is being cremated, but that's the closest to burning of possessions which I've ever come across.

In my experience, funerals are quite a big thing. I've never actually been to a non-Showman funeral (as my whole family are Showmen), so I have no idea if this is just standard practice for everyone, or if it is truly a Showman thing (feel free to let me know in the replies!). To use my own family's funerals as an example, your typical funeral might look something like this:

The deceased die. The family begin to make arrangements, by organising the collection of the body by a funeral home. Funeral arrangements are made. In England, it can be weeks between the death and the funeral, but I know that other countries move more quickly.

For Showmen, it is traditional for the death and funeral details to be printed in the World's Fair newspaper, which is the Showman newspaper.

The funeral will usually take place on a Tuesday or Wednesday, as these are the days that Showmen are least likely to be working, acting as our “weekends”.

The body is typically returned home, ready for burial, the night before. Usually, they are placed in the living room, and visited by close family. It is normal for there to be a 'watch' over the deceased, so that they are not alone during this final night.

The next morning, the family get up and prepare for the funeral. Very traditional, dark clothes are worn: the men wear black suits with ties, whilst women will wear a modest black dress, black tights, and black heels - some may also opt for a hat or a veil. Over the last decade, it has also become increasingly common to include a pop of colour in the deceased's favourite colour, or one significant to their life (e.g. the colour of their family's brand, or the colour of their eyes), such as a ribbon.

The family will gather for a final viewing as the funeral directors arrive to close up the coffin. This is when grave goods might be put in. Examples include family photographs, tokens to signify loved ones, money, important objects from their lifetime, cups of tea (if you're my great-grandfather).

Coffins tend to be a clean wood, but my grandad had his fully painted with scenes from his life, from his childhood in the circus to his adulthood on the fairground.

At some funerals I've been to, the coffin is then moved to the Showman's ride/stall, etc, and the family gather around for a private eulogy, reading, or sermon. (I have a headcanon of Dick's "funeral" having him stop for a moment in the big top of Haly's, with the trapeze replaced by the damaged Wayne family chandelier, to symbolise both his families, but that's just me).

The coffin will then be carried to the hearse by the deceased's closest male relatives (or very close friends) aged 16+. So, to use Dick as an example again, this would probably be Bruce, his brothers, Alfred, the Titans (rip OG Wally during the New 52), and Clark. It's very crucial that in our funerals, the deceased is never carried by employees of the funeral home - it has to be loved ones.

The coffin is carried to the hearse, where it is loaded up and surrounded by funeral flowers purchased by the family. These will normally include a large portrait of the deceased, the names/titles the deceased was known by, a cross if they were religious, and personal inside jokes to represent the deceased. Flowers at my family's funerals include: galloper (carousel) horses, half-eaten pies with frozen dead mice in them, pink vans, etc. It's also not wholly uncommon to place the deceased's hat at the top of the coffin. (I can totally see the Nightwing mask going there).

Traditionally, close female relatives will then get into the funeral cars (we had twelve limousines at my grandmother's funeral), whilst male family members walk behind the hearse to the church. Nowadays, it's more equal, with women choosing to walk alongside their relatives also. This procession is one of the most important parts, and marks their journey from the home (which is also usually the base of their business) to the church. The procession can get absolutely huge - like, a mile long, depending on how many are in attendance - as all able-bodied mourners join the procession along the way. We tend to give notice to the council/local schools/businesses that we will be having a funeral, as the roads become entirely unusable by the number of people.

If the deceased is religious, there will then be a church ceremony. Music is also a big part, and the songs are chosen to be jovial and loving, as a reflection of the person as they were alive. If the person was not religious, there may be a memorial service in a crematorium instead. This is pretty standard, with eulogies given, etc. However, our funerals can also be a bit louder: eulogies often try to be funny, and it's not overly unusual for the family of the deceased to lead mourners in a short dance around the coffin to celebrate the deceased's life (it's not as morbid as it sounds, it's really just swaying to the music and holding hands. This probably happens at 1/5 of funerals.). It is also incredibly popular nowadays to clap the deceased in and out of the church, with a standing ovation.

If the person is being cremated, most mourners will leave the church to make their way to the tea (usually ushered out by a member of the immediate family who leads the way out, so that the rest of the immediate family can say a final goodbye).

If the person is being buried, the close male relatives will again act as pallbearers to carry the deceased to the hearse. The mourners will then process to the cemetery behind the hearse - it is more universal for everyone to be involved in this procession, including women, children, and the elderly as it's usually a shorter walk. The mood of this procession is also far more celebratory. Whilst it's expected that the immediate family will be at the front (spouse, then parents and children, then grandparents and grandchildren, then siblings, then aunts/uncles/cousins/close friends, etc), this is far less enforced during this procession.

The burial site is finally reached. The vicar will say a few words. The family will then usually throw a flower into the grave, watch the first shovel of dirt be placed, then lead the mourners away from the grave. By this point, the funeral directors would have laid out the funeral flowers for viewing by mourners at the graveside. You usually pass by them slowly, say something nice, then move on.

There will then be an afternoon tea service at a local hotel/golf-club/high-end establishment. Tea, coffee, sandwiches, cakes, and a selection of hot food is the standard spread (people will judge you if you don't spend enough). People also tend to enjoy an alcoholic drink at the tea, too, but there's an increasing feeling that it leads to disrespectful behaviour, so alcohol is increasingly being banned at the tea service. There will be photographs displayed around the room, and a guest book for mourners to sign with messages and memories.

Traditionally, the funeral is followed by a period of mourning which lasts until the day after the anniversary of the death. Years ago, this used to be rigorous, with curtains being hung with black, and families closing their doors. Nowadays, it's far less intense, but it would be unusual to attend weddings or parties or holidays abroad for at least the first six months following the death. There's also a modern tradition of changing all of your profile pictures to photos of the deceased until the mourning period is up.

The immediate family will then meet at the grave to mark the first anniversary of the death in some way, by spending the day together.

A headstone usually takes about 18 months after the funeral to be made, and for the grave to be prepped. For Showmen, these tend to be smaller and more typically "classy" - usually marble of some kind, with the name of the deceased, dates of life, and a short bit about them being a 'beloved whatever'. Sometimes they might have a more personal touch: the names of loved ones around the rim, an engraving of a fairground/circus skyline, a favourite flower, but they are far less ostentatious (which isn't a bad thing!) than a lot of Irish traveller graves, for example.

The death certificate will record occupation as ‘Showman’, even if the person was retired or otherwise employed in another career. This is the same for weddings.

It is also common to include the deceased at important events in the future. Common ways to include the deceased include empty chairs at weddings, memorial tables at family events, wearing the deceased's belongings at events they would have attended, or brooches with the deceased's portraits on them to be worn on the lapel at events like graduations or during important milestones (christenings, final exams). It's also not uncommon to include the deceased on things like wedding invites (e.g. Mr. and Mrs. John Grayson invite you to the wedding of their son, Richard John Grayson, to...) even if they are dead at the time of the event (though this isn't exactly standard, either. It depends on what the family feels is right.)

Anyway, that's the basic rundown, from my own experiences. I'm sure others might have different ones, and there may be examples of people burning belongings, but we've never done that in my family. Instead, for us, there's a big emphasis on who inherits what - we were very honoured to be granted my grandmother's ornament collection, which includes ornaments which belonged to her grandmothers, too. My sister was very lucky to inherit my great grandmother's water-can, for example.

Hope this helps!

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A Crow Never Forgets

Chapter Twenty-Six: Alliances (Viviana POV)

Summary: Lucanis asks a favor of Viviana as the Crows prepare to say farewell to their former leader. Rating: Mature Relationships: Lucanis Dellamorte/Rook, Lucanis Dellamorte/Rook/Spite, Viago De Riva/Andarateia Cantori, Viago De Riva & Rook, Andarateia Cantori & Rook, Illario Dellamorte/Zara Renata

Ao3 link: here.