This is a lot of information under the cut but it explains in detail what's been going on with complete clarity as I don't need to hide behind anything in order to move on with life.
Just know that this means that while you may see me here and there, attempting to interact...
I am officially on a Firm-Semi Hiatus.
School has started amongst the things listed below but read at your own caution.
Firm-Semi Hiatus means I may or may not be able to access or reply to DMs here or Discord right away. I
t also means that any reply, post, starter or activity of anykind will be staggered as I figure out what I'm going to have to do and what's going to happen to me after the 5th.
I'm not going away, I'm going to still be here but most likely lurking as I work on everything listed below.
I go into detail about communication and whatnot as well, but this is only temporary yet it does not have a firm end date because I'm dealing with the government and authorities and these things take time.
Read this or don't; just know that this is not long term and is a temporary solution to current events as of last Monday.
I do however appreciate all positivity sent my way and it makes so much of a difference in my ability to fight this madness and I see it, if it's not posted- it's because it's in my inbox or likewise because I need to remind myself not to hate myself for everything when I was the one hurt, not the other way around.
I haven't communicated the severity of what's actually happening with me and my life because I don't want anyone to worry but I am currently in 40k debt, plus student loans, I've stepped away from my father after confronting him about sexually abusing me and threatening to take the proof that I have to the authorities.
I am now playing a game of chicken and may be facing eviction in a matter of two and a half months with no other options other than being homeless and losing all my animals and belongings.
My father is also threatening me and Jas and blaming her for everything I am doing while I am just asking him to respect my boundaries and stop literally stalking me.
I don't think I've shared this with anyone but the person there as she was present when it occurred and I don't want to get into the details as to the events that occurred or what/why/circumstances but three weeks ago, I was arrested, booked, charged and spent time in jail with no resources to call upon until someone was kind enough to guide me in the right way.
As of right now, I have my father telling my family that I am a sick, deranged, perverted person who thinks I was sexually abused and violated by him and it was all in my own mind, making me the dirty one. We both know this is classic victim blaming but one by one, everyone is deciding I'm not worth it.
School has started, full time, and I am dealing with that.
I have finally gotten SNAP, but struggling with disability and having issues with medical insurance.
My financial aid isn't coming through and I may be in serious trouble
I can't find a job that would accommodate my disabilities
I broke my sobriety on Christmas because I was alone and broke down.
NOW.
I am also not going to be able to talk much because I am struggling with simply waking up and forcing myself to go through the day knowing that this is what waits for me.
I am going nowhere.
I just cant talk because I don't have the ability to do so with everything going on, I can't form simple conversations and I don't want people to think I'm ghosting them, which is something that I'm going to make clear to a few people so this may end up as a Semi-Hiatus notice.
I love you guys.
I am overwhelmed and have moments where I can't breathe, can't talk, can't move, can't exist.
On top of that, I am trying to deal with my upcoming court case and that has a possibility that I may have to serve jail time and I am not dealing with it okay.
Keep in mind ALL of this happened day after day, giving me no chance to recover and I believe I'm still in shock but I have no choice but to keep moving or there won't be food left to feed a soul in this household.
I'm sorry I made anyone feel like I was 'ghosting' or 'ignoring them', it was never my intention but I can only handle so much before I truly break down and I have a very sick kitten to keep in mind at the same time.
The Clones as Things You Might Need To Hear This Week
Rex- You don't need to finish the thing you are working on this week. Its ok to take a break and step back from a project
Echo- So what if the house is a little messy? You aren't hosting a royal ball or a dinner party. The laundry can wait, the cups in your sink are fine for the night, and dust bunnies can be swept later.
Fives- Mistakes are a part of life. Learn from it and keep moving forward
Jesse- You cant control other peoples behavior, only the way their behavior makes you feel
Kix- Fuck it. Wear that sexy outfit to the gas station, wear the sweatpants to your moms bday dinner, sit in the bath for 4 hours. Make this week about you and your comforts
Tup- Its okay to be angry. Its okay to be upset and cry. Even its over something as small as dropping your last milk dud onto the ground
Dogma- Its ok to critique something while enjoying parts of it.
Hardcase- Toxicity is out, self love and surrounding yourself with positivity is in
Coric- You don't need to define yourself
Bly- You can't force love
99- Its okay to ask for that hug if you need it
Cody- Those calls and emails can wait. Don't feel pressured about making the call back until you are ready
Waxer/Boil- For all the people who see this and are parents to kiddoos. I just want you to know you are doing great.
Wolffe- Things are changing every second of every day and you do it without thinking about it. You can handle whatever is coming your way this week.
Boost/Sinker- be goofy and laugh at least once this week.
Hunter- There comes a time in life when you really just need to let go.
Wrecker- If you need the pity party, take it.
Tech- Surround yourself with people who accept and celebrate you for who you are
Crosshair- Fuck him/her or whoever it is that is on your mind bothering you right now.
Omega- Start turning your dreams into memories! Do that thing you have wanted to.
Howzer- If someone gives you an attractive offer, but you really don't want it then its okay to walk away.
Fox- You deserve to be treated with respect, whether it be at work or with your family and friends.
Gregor- waking up and taking that first deep breath every morning is a success. you are doing amazing and I am proud of you
do you have to have a perfect life to shift? Cause I heard it’s bad to try to shift if you’re going through tough times because that sounds like escapism. And I have a pretty great life! But it’s not perfect and sometimes stuff comes up so I’m wondering if that’s why I’m not shifting :(
Hello anon!! Thanks for the ask! (Kinda long post sorry)
I wanna make something extremely clear first cause it’s incredibly important: reality shifting is escapism but it should ONLY be temporary escapism. It is not permanent escapism.
This is important because people label the word escapism immediately as a “bad coping skill” and that’s just ... not true.
Other “socially acceptable” examples of escapism:
Reading a novel
Playing a video game
Listening to music
Watching a TV show or movie
Anytime you let your mind wander and just vibe on the couch, enjoying something, getting sucked into a story, THAT is escapism.
Escapism is a valid and perfectly normal coping skill. If you’re having a rough time, it’s perfectly okay to let your brain relax and give yourself a break. Cause life sucks unfortunately, and it does get hard sometimes.
Escapism can BECOME negative if you obsess over it or forget to live your actual life. It’s also bad if you’re constantly escaping from life and never “facing” your reality. THAT is when it can become unhelpful.
I say all this because you asked if you’re having a hard time it can be “bad to try and shift” and I understand why you might think that, but short answer is: no, it’s not bad to try and shift if you’re struggling in life. You just have to constantly ground yourself and remember that this current reality is YOUR reality, and don’t get completely absorbed in your other reality. 
Remember: Shifting should be seen as a fun hobby/practice!!
TLDR: Escapism is not bad. Everyone struggles and everyone has downs, shifting is just another temporary escapism tool and it is totally valid and safe. Just remember to ground yourself and have a balance between your DR and CR.
Hi im going to talk here and I'm sorry that it's not related to bnha but my main blog is down and this is still my blog or whatever. So anyway vent ahead, deadass going to be a journal entry I'm having Some Thoughts-
I don't like being told to dream big. I don't like being told about all these spectacular things that I can have if only I work a little harder for them. I don't fucking like it. And it's not because I'm not "ambitious". I'm very ambitious. That's not it. It's just that no matter what I do, if I push five mountains out of my path, there's always going to be another six in the way. So it feels like there's just no point.
I hate having to work twice as hard as my peers with comfortable lives, to get anywhere. I'm not saying I've lived perfectly, I've made mistakes, but God it feels like I have to pay in blood for every misstep I make. Because I can't afford to pay in any other way.
I haven't allowed myself to /want/ anything. I haven't let myself even start to imagine giving the USMLE and going abroad for my post graduation, because I KNOW my mother can't afford to pay for the trips across the globe, tuition and living expenses aside. And then suddenly, yesterday, my mother tells me to look it up, and start preparing for it along with my preparation for my nation PG entrance exams, which are a completely different exam pattern anyway.
As if the usmle isn't way. way. out of budget. As if it isn't everything I could want. As if it's even possible for me to fantasize about without having it hurt.
I'm the oldest daughter, i have to make sure I don't bankrupt my family running after wisp-thin dreams that are easily replaced by just doing well enough here and staying in the country, then I could support my little sister's education, instead placing a burden my mother won't be able to carry without wearing herself out to the bone.
She deserves better and she shouldn't have to work this hard to bring every fancy of mine to life. I can't ask that of her and I sure as hell can't pull out sixteen thousand dollars out of my ass.
It's just not fair. I've worked so hard through these last 5 years when do I get payoff. I'm just so sick of this wanting and not having. Fuck this for real man.
Hi yes uh please stop getting mad at me if I don't text you or don't text back I'm trying my best and on top of never letting anyone know how I truly am.. it's very difficult just please let me have my time to do what I do, especially because I can maybe have one conversation a day right now and if I have too many more I just feel so drained and tired because I'm not doing my 100% best and am truly trying to do everything while I deal with what's happening in my life right now and with everything also uh if anyone asks I'm probably not gonna tell you how I'm actually feeling right now or what's been going on because it's a big tw just like my life
