This was actually the first entry I wrote for the event. It was like I got possessed by something. You could even say I was possessed by the ghost of someone. Just kidding.
Anyway, for day 17 you get more Toki trauma. Can be sort of read as a follow-up of yesterday's entry though it's not necessary to read that one beforehand.
Toki opened his eyes and he was in that goddamn basement again. He couldn’t count the days he had been stuck in there. At some point, they had started merging into each other. It was like it was one, huge, never-ending day.
And he was chained, and he was bleeding. And his whole body hurt so much but Magnus’ words hurt even more.
“Nobody is coming for you. Nobody cares about you, Toki.”
“Dat amsnt true!” Toki protested and the glint of Magnus’ eyes was so scary that he could only look down.
“Dethklok isn’t coming because they don’t love you, they never did. They just used you because it was convenient. You’re just like me, Toki.”
“No, dey ams my brothers! Dey loves me!”
“That’s what you’ve been telling yourself this whole time. That’s what you wanted to believe. But they’re selfish assholes that only think about themselves.”
“Noes!”
“Accept it, Toki! Nobody has ever wanted you, not even your parents! You’re gonna die alone…” Suddenly, the skin of Magnus’ face melted away, revealing the bones of his rotting skull. “You’re gonna die like me!”
“Noes! Noes!” Toki shut his eyes…
And opened them in his room. “Noes!” He screamed again, struggling with a chain that wasn’t there anymore.
“Toki!” Skwisgaar’s voice came into his auditory field and he was wrapped between slim yet firm arms. “Ams you okeys?”
He was gasping for air and he could feel his heart pounding on his ear. “It ams…he says…”
“Shhh…” Skwisgaar rubbed the side of his face against the top of Toki’s head. “It amsn’t real. Just a dumb, dildoes, nights mairs.”
Toki’s eyes welled with tears, well-aware that was only half of the truth. “He says dats to me…all de times…” He sniffed softly. “Whens I…”
“...Ja?”
“He says dats…nobodies loves me…” As he talked, the sob was creeping up his throat. “Dats I…woulds dies alones…dats you didnts…”
The grasp Skwisgaar had on him suddenly released and Toki looked up in fear, only to be faced with Skwisgaar’s deep blue eyes. “You ams not deres anymores. You ams here.” After a pause, he added. “Wif mes.”
Toki’s breath hitched, fighting the urge not to sob, but when Skwisgaar’s arms wrapped around his waist, his soft golden mane nuzzling against Toki’s jaw so gently, the tears started to flow. He gazed at his warmly-lit room, the plane model that he had been teaching Skwisgaar to build earlier, the guitar resting against his night stand. And the sob inside him started to soothe.
Skwisgaar pulled back a little and watched his face. He had that severe look in his face, the same one he directed to him when he didn’t practice, but instead he leaned in and kissed Toki’s forehead. So sweetly, that Toki could’ve started crying again.
Or, he could cup Skwisgaar’s face and kiss him on the lips. So, that’s what he did. And when Skwisgaar kissed him back, he couldn’t help shedding one last tear.
Except this one was of happiness.
“Thank yous.” He whispered against Skwisgaar’s mouth.
“Pfft, this amsn’t no charities.” Skwisgaar said, with his usual arrogant tone, though when their eyes met, he smiled. “Feels bettors now?”
Toki nodded and nestled against him on the bed. They just stared at each other for a really long time.
It was hard to believe sometimes. Even though it’s what he had always wanted. Growing up in a loveless family made him feel like maybe he didn’t deserve any type of love. That even though he had done nothing wrong, maybe he shouldn’t have been born. That he’d die as lonely as he felt every single day he spent in that cold and cruel house. And so many things that happened to him after he escaped did nothing but reconfirm that fear.
If he were to be honest, Toki wasn’t even sure anymore if Magnus had actually told him those things, or if it was just his deepest fears talking back to him while he was on the brink of death.
He stretched his hand to stroke Skwisgaar’s cheek. And Skwisgaar leaned into the touch, like a cat welcoming his owner back home. “Whats you thinkingks?” He asked.
ethan’s time in the military had admittedly messed him up pretty bad. while he did what he could to live with the reprecussions of it all, he still very much struggled with nightmares and well, sloane was a saint. “you deserve better than this.” he finally spoke, his body hunched forward in the bathtub as she attempted to soothe him. he stared at the faucet in front of him and glanced back at her, “am i really worth it?” he asked, his tired eyes meeting hers.
Wait im dumb and getting confused. Whats New Age AU T^T I havent been on tumblr for a while-
New Age AU is a sequel to Four Years AU; the future basically. its when the gang are all adults (think 30′s or so) and seeing how they’re fairing and how the Boiling Isles has changed after Belos was defeated (read: murdered). Everyone has ptsd, they’re vibing in their new jobs and life, everyones still a dumbass, more human kids are coming to the Isles in a Project Luz started, and its basically everyone pretending life is okay now and while it IS a LOT better in many aspects, they still gotta deal w the consequences of their childhood actions. mostly w mental issues but theres some other things. its a fun time
Idk why going to howl o scream when I have ptsd was a good idea for me I literally was in the beginning stages of a panic attack like 5 minutes ago when like 5 guys with chainsaws started chasing me skdjf it was fine up until then. Safe to say I’m not going into any scare houses
Don’t feel bad! Sometimes, you think you can handle something and you can’t and that’s okay. I don’t really do haunted spaces either, I mean, why would I do that when I’ve lived in haunted houses before and already had my own traumatic experiences with real spirits? If you don’t like being scared, or being cornered, or say, the dread that comes with a good thrill for Halloween, then don’t make your-self do it. Enjoy some candy, stay home, and watch the Addams Family like any good goth.
Piers has anxiety and maybe a bit of PTSD, and Obstagoon is his registered service pokemon. He doesnt need him much, but on his worst days, Piers feels like he might die without him.
Im done seeing these fuckn posts that say youre helping cops by not reshareing or that youre silencing black people by not participating in any protests or that youre a piece of shit for not donateing. Let me be clear ya bunch of fucking guilt trippers, this shit wont make folks reshare your post, participate in protests or donate anymore than not attempting to manipulate the masses. I know what guilt tripping and manipulation look like, ive been abused that way, the language is similar.
(If you try to say that im saying rando post makers are abusers or are abusing me, i diagnose you with no brain cells. That aint what im saying and youre not gonna twist my words for your gain.)
Keep in mind, you are on a FANDOM centered social platform, not a political centered social platform. Mayhaps consider that this event can be very triggering and terrifying to everyone, yes even the white people you hate. Its understandable that anyone, but especially individuals with fragile mental health/ anxiety/ptsd/etc, would not want to be involved with this event.
You are vaild if you dont want to participate in this event for any reason. I personally no longer can due to the act of police violence being incredibly upsetting and triggering of my paranoia. Youre not a shitty person or " helping cops" by not reshareing someones donation link, yes, you are a bystander and not helping either side ( unless you have previously stated you are on the side of blm), but you arent killing anyone or silencing anyone.
Keep in mind i am 1000% on the side of blm. Im mixed myself (not black but indigenous) and this post is NOT to delegitmize this cause or any attempts at stopping police violence or assisting protesters. Its also not to say you can be angry about police violence and racism, thats resonable. Its simpley to call out the irritatingly wrong approach so many people have to this event and resources that comes off as manipulating at best and ableist at worst.
Td;lr stop trying to call the passing 16 yr old kid who uses tumblr to escape their shitty life a racist because they didnt reshare your post with specifics about police brutality. You have no clue where someones mental state is and you have no right to accuse them of something they arent for protecting their mental health. Period.
