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Cosmere characters as Bundesliga fans

My favourite Stormlight Podcast, Highly Invested, just had a fun section with "What sports teams would Cosmere characters support?" They listed a lot of US sports teams that didn't mean a lot to me, so I did my own. Sorry, very niche. I had the time of my life.

Kaladin = Borussia Dortmund

Working-class hero.

Constant suffering is part of his identity. Every year Dortmund gives him exactly enough hope to continue.

Every year: "This time it'll be different."

Every year: pain.

Would rather finish second honorably than win a title in a dirty way.

Adolin = SC Freiburg

Well-dressed.

Everyone likes him.

Knows everyone by name and would absolutely come to the stadium by bike. (The bike's name is Surewheel.)

Has no problem not always being the center of attention.

Would sincerely congratulate the opponent after a loss.

Jasnah = Bayer Leverkusen

Intelligent.

Efficient.

Evidence-based.

Considers most discussions a waste of time.

Is regularly hated by more emotional people because of it.

Shallan = Borussia Dortmund

Child Shallan: Dortmund are exciting and colorful and everybody talks about them. Veil: Dortmund are anti-Bayern and that's reason enough. Radiant: Dortmund represent tradition, values, and proper football culture. Actual Shallan: These are all completely different arguments. Veil: Yes. Radiant: Correct.

Renarin = Also Bayer Leverkusen.

Has been a fan since earliest childhood, but is constantly asked, "Since when have YOU been here? Only since they won the league in 2024, right?" Renarin: "I've been here the whole time." Plus, he likes things quiet.

Amaram - Bayern München

Amaram is the Bayern fan who explains after a defeat: "If we'd interpreted the rules a little more flexibly, we would've won."

And five minutes later you discover he bribed the referee, sold three academy players, and locked the dressing-room door.

Meanwhile, Gavilar still explains to the other team's fans all during the bus ride from the stadium how Bayern should have won, nay, actually did win if you squint.

Kelsier = Borussia Dortmund

Charismatic, revolutionary.

Partly defines himself through opposition to the establishment.

His followers still believe in him even when all objective evidence says they shouldn't.

Vin = Union Berlin

Came from absolutely nothing.

Trusts nobody.

Extremely tough.

Plays much harder than people initially expect.

They call themselves "The Iron Ones" - how much more metal do you need it??

Elend Venture = SC Freiburg

Idealist.

Believes in reasonable solutions.

Would probably read DFL regulations voluntarily.

Bonus: The Lord Ruler IS Bayern Munich. Not a fan. The club. He won the league a thousand years ago and sees no reason whatsover why things should ever change.

Wax = Borussia Mönchengladbach

Tradition.

Sense of duty.

Just grungy enough to keep up the cowboy image.

Revolvers instead of TikTok.

Horses, too.

He did not copy Günter Netzer's hair and sideburns; Netzer copied Wax.

Thinks things used to make more sense.

Would rather be right than win a championship.

Wayne = 1. FC Köln

Completely insane. They have a goat, who is obviously a kandra in disguise.

Traded for a red-and-white scarf off someone on the tube and has made being an FC fan part of his identity.

Can be a genius for ten minutes and then immediately throw a shopping cart into the Rhine.

Also, the goal tune has the best accent. He just wishes he'd hear it more often. Just to work out what "Kölle Alaaf" actually means. It’s probably High Imperial.

Marasi = Bayer Leverkusen

Intelligent.

Analytical.

Actually competent.

Spends her entire life cleaning up everyone else's mistakes.

Objectively deserves more recognition.

Steris: is not a football fan at all, but knows all about Borussia Mönchengladbach anyway.

So when a Gladbach ultra asks, "So when did you start supporting the club?", Steris answers completely honestly: "I don't."

Then proceeds to explain:

the club's finances,

academy structure,

tactical evolution across four managerial eras,

historical Bundesliga placement trends,

and the probable emotional state of the fanbase.

The ultra just stares. "You've been one of us for years."

And for perhaps the first time in her life, Steris is genuinely caught off guard. ❤️

Union Berlins Admina roastet Sexisten, eine Sammlung:

#union berlin #long post

i hate heterosexual male football fans with all of my fucking fibers

#i’m forever grateful for tumblr for providing a safe space for sports fans #fuck these people #being on the aroace spec was the best thing that ever happened to me #union berlin #tw sexism

Shirtless Jule 🙂‍↕️

#julian brandt #karim adeyemi #pascal groß #maxi beier #serhou guirassy #gregor kobel #aaron anselmino #bvb #bvb09 #borussia dortmund #season 25/26 #bundesliga #union berlin

Ok!

https://x.com/fcunion/status/2043086791411142897

I am SO happy to see this. First women to (at least temporarily) coach a Bundesliga men’s team. Bet I’m now rooting for Union to win all their games. 😅

#union berlin

union berlin’s response to christoph kramer saying “you can’t play like union berlin when you have the england squad”

#union berlin #christoph kramer #euro 2024 #*

Cosmere characters as Bundesliga fans

Kaladin = Borussia Dortmund

Working-class hero.

Constant suffering is part of his identity. Every year Dortmund gives him exactly enough hope to continue.

Every year: "This time it'll be different."

Every year: pain.

Would rather finish second honorably than win a title in a dirty way.

Adolin = SC Freiburg

Well-dressed.

Everyone likes him.

Knows everyone by name and would absolutely come to the stadium by bike. (The bike's name is Surewheel.)

Has no problem not always being the center of attention.

Would sincerely congratulate the opponent after a loss.

Jasnah = Bayer Leverkusen

Intelligent.

Efficient.

Evidence-based.

Considers most discussions a waste of time.

Is regularly hated by more emotional people because of it.

Shallan = Borussia Dortmund

Renarin = Also Bayer Leverkusen.

Amaram - Bayern München

Amaram is the Bayern fan who explains after a defeat: "If we'd interpreted the rules a little more flexibly, we would've won."

And five minutes later you discover he bribed the referee, sold three academy players, and locked the dressing-room door.

Meanwhile, Gavilar still explains to the other team's fans all during the bus ride from the stadium how Bayern should have won, nay, actually did win if you squint.

Kelsier = Borussia Dortmund

Charismatic, revolutionary.

Partly defines himself through opposition to the establishment.

His followers still believe in him even when all objective evidence says they shouldn't.

Vin = Union Berlin

Came from absolutely nothing.

Trusts nobody.

Extremely tough.

Plays much harder than people initially expect.

They call themselves "The Iron Ones" - how much more metal do you need it??

Elend Venture = SC Freiburg

Idealist.

Believes in reasonable solutions.

Would probably read DFL regulations voluntarily.

Bonus: The Lord Ruler IS Bayern Munich. Not a fan. The club. He won the league a thousand years ago and sees no reason whatsover why things should ever change.

Wax = Borussia Mönchengladbach

Tradition.

Sense of duty.

Just grungy enough to keep up the cowboy image.

Revolvers instead of TikTok.

Horses, too.

He did not copy Günter Netzer's hair and sideburns; Netzer copied Wax.

Thinks things used to make more sense.

Would rather be right than win a championship.

Wayne = 1. FC Köln

Completely insane. They have a goat, who is obviously a kandra in disguise.

Traded for a red-and-white scarf off someone on the tube and has made being an FC fan part of his identity.

Can be a genius for ten minutes and then immediately throw a shopping cart into the Rhine.

Also, the goal tune has the best accent. He just wishes he'd hear it more often. Just to work out what "Kölle Alaaf" actually means. It’s probably High Imperial.

Marasi = Bayer Leverkusen

Intelligent.

Analytical.

Actually competent.

Spends her entire life cleaning up everyone else's mistakes.

Objectively deserves more recognition.

Steris: is not a football fan at all, but knows all about Borussia Mönchengladbach anyway.

So when a Gladbach ultra asks, "So when did you start supporting the club?", Steris answers completely honestly: "I don't."

Then proceeds to explain:

the club's finances,

academy structure,

tactical evolution across four managerial eras,

historical Bundesliga placement trends,

and the probable emotional state of the fanbase.

The ultra just stares. "You've been one of us for years."

And for perhaps the first time in her life, Steris is genuinely caught off guard. ❤️

#union berlin

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