#unloving

[bluewillowmoon]

Learn from the winter trees, the way

they kiss and throw away their leaves,

then hold their stricken faces in their hands

and turn to ice;

— Carol Ann Duffy, from “Unloving,” Rapture (Picador, 2005)

[livingmess-doingherbest]

I don't think i'm capable of loving ?

And I don't mean romantically. I already identify as aro.

I mean, i don't like people? I only see what they could bring me, never what i could bring them. I don't care about them. I can't keep friendships or make new friends because i'm not interested in building a relationship. I don't even think i like my family??? (I don't dislike them at all. I just... feel neutral?).

I don't miss people when they're not around. I miss the idea of what they represent sometimes.

But i'm also terrified of loneliness. I want to have friends.

I want to understand why and be able to change that. I know i need to see someone (i've ghosted my last therapist last year...)

But i'm scared they're gonna tell me it's linked to that one trauma from my youth and i'm so damn tired of every single aspect of my curent self being tied in one way or another to that fucking moment

[delicatelyme]

Unloving love is easy to see,

By one not webbed in its complexity.

You made a special place for me,

One of warmth and views of the sea.

Though once the sun's gaze leaves the earth,

I can't settle, I question my worth.

The cage begins to rattle in stormy winds glee,

And I find that the sea comes straight for me.

It spirals round, round and round,

As I drown, I can't make a sound.

But before I die you turn to me,

Anger melts, I'm pulled from the sea.

I awaken warm, skin soft and dried

Might have rathered if I died.

To have your unloving love again,

Was never what I wanted back then.

[stoicmike]

The world is not ruled by loving people. -- Michael Lipsey

[danskjavlarna]

"Please don't send my love to anyone."

Source details and larger version.

[sadghostgirl14]

[theresmusicinyourface]

growing up means losing myself in the wind and someone else's skin. numbness is a frequent visitor and he visits late at night and early afternoon and I sit and look at the crack of my door when the whole world is collapsing. growing up means forgetting who you were and hating who you are. it means to claw at your flesh and break apart every night and be something foreign the next morning. you associate and dedicate certain things and moments to people and after you leave them, you think about those and feel your whole body throb. I still cannot listen to that one song. growing up means unloving people who were everything and saying goodbye over and over and wondering if it gets better.

[sanya-zpg]

I'm sorry. I am washed in desesperation, I am a child who cant remember how It feels to be warm. You have every right to leave me behind but.. I burn myself in the shower every day. I walk with fog over my eyes as if trying to shield my soul. I cry every night over dreams that keep repeating themselves.

All I want is to not wake up again. I want us to press closer once more, I want you to look at me. And I know you hate when I call myself a fool but I don't know how else to describe the girl drowning on thin air, because of your absence.