#vela-aureum

[vela-aureum]

You have to do this for your body, do that for your muscles. You also have to think about that when doing this and that activity. This for your eyes, that for your feet, this for your tendons, joints, whatever. You are not allowed to do this or that at all, bad for this and that and all sorts of things. Oh yes, there are also things to consider when it comes to so-called 'doing nothing'. Oh and every now and then new things come along...

all well and good BUT I DON'T LIKE THAT ANYMORE! I'M TIRED OF THINKING, CONSIDERING, DOING OR NOT DOING SO MANY THINGS ANYMORE, JUST THAT THIS BODY PARTIALLY FUNCTIONS SOMEHOW! AFTER OVER 15 YEARS, I AM MORE FUCKED UP THAN EVER, TIRED THAN EVER OF THIS BODY THAT CAN'T EVEN MASTER BASIC FUNCTIONS

Du musst für deinen Körper dies tun, für deine Muskeln das tun.. An jenes musst du auch denken bei dieser und jener Tätigkeit.. Dieses für die Augen, jenes für die Füsse, dies für die Sehnen, Gelenke, wasauchimmer. Dieses und jenes darfst du überhaupt gar nicht tun, schlecht für dies und das und auch alles mögliche. Achja zu beachten gibts auch Dinge beim sogenannten 'nichtstun'. Oh und ab und zu kommen neue Dinge dazu..

schön und gut ABER ICH MAG SO NICHT MEHR! ICH HABE KEINE LUST MEHR IMMER AN SO VIELES ZU DENKEN, ZU BEACHTEN, ZU TUN ODER NICHT ZU TUN, NUR DAS DIESER KÖRPER TEILWEISE IRGENDWIE FUNKTIONIERT! NACH ÜBER 15 JAHREN BIN ICH ABGEFUCKTER DENN JE, MÜDER DENN JE VON DIESEM KÖRPER, DER ZUM TEIL BASISFUNKTIONEN NICHT MAL BEHERRSCHT

[vela-aureum]

I don't have to say I'm fine just to make others feel better.

If you don't really want to know, don't ask me..

[vela-aureum]

After almost a year and a half, I finally have a parking space near my work.

🎆i no longer have to walk an extra 50 minutes every workday🎆

[vela-aureum]

People: Then why don't you rest on the weekends?

Me: Because in addition to my work, I sometimes want to have a little fucking bit of a life as a chronically ill person!!!

[vela-aureum]

Today, after many years, I am going to visit relatives. I don't know what to think of it.

I will not be allowed to say anything about my chronic illnesses, disability, my work status, and so on. I am not allowed to say anything about these topics because they do not exist. My illnesses, for example, are nothing in their eyes..

I will hear a lot of what I say behind my back later and if there is something to complain about.

Of course we are happy to see each other again, but in general I can hardly do anything right.

Doing it right, in the interests of my relatives.

[vela-aureum]

I can (third time in a couple of weeks🙄) pick up my electronic mobility aid from the repair shop today.

I'm curious how long it will take this time until something breaks again.

[vela-aureum]

I am chronically ill and have not been able to work fully in my job for over 2 years. I earn a lot less money, have higher health costs, otherwise the same expenses (I have already reduced various costs) as before. I have fewer spoons and need more spoons at the same time to do my job at all.

[vela-aureum]

It's a *nice* moment when you have to wash your hair just because you confuse the deodorant for the dry shampoo.