#venting cw

[rufpup47]

why the hell am I actually on tumblr- I am literally a sex repulsed asexual on the horniest site known to man. it doesn’t help my case at all that Murder Drones fan content is mostly smut/freaky shit and it’s all that comes up when I try to casually scroll through art. im genuinely scared to scroll through my fav ship tags in fear of getting flashbanged (Ik, it’s pathetic)

I feel ashamed to admit it, but I’ve gotten jumped by freaky shit so much that im angry now. Im genuinely so sick of it. Even when I follow advice to just look at fluff I still run into the shit that makes me nauseous. and it also doesn’t help that there is literally more Nuzi smut out there than sfw fluff that it has come to the point where I cannot find fluff (same with Khori) the problem isn’t that smut of my favorite ships exist, it’s the fact that that’s all that exists. I cannot find more fluff than of what fluff I’ve already seen. There is more freaky stuff than fluff, and that’s what’s frustrating. I’m given advice to look at fluff, but sfw non-explicit non-suggestive non-spicy fluff barely exists.

So im lost. I don’t know what to do. im tired.

[jokerislandgirl32]

Hey, I hope you’re doing well, or at least have a better day today/tomorrow, you’re an amazing person <3

Thank you for this sweet message, I so appreciate it right now. I’m not doing great, but I’m okay. A lot has happened to me over the past decade, especially the past couple years. I’ve endured various forms of abuse and mistreatment on all fronts, in addition to medical issues and family issues, and I internalize so much of what I’m feeling because I’m expected to do it…

Whenever I get to a particularly low point the one area of my life I have been able to control, this blog/my social media presence/my fandom presence, becomes the target for my negative emotions. If I see anything triggering I just want to go scorched earth and forget it all. But I know the ramifications of that would be difficult for my mental health, so I have to take steps back at times and take breaks.

At the present I am not on discord because (due to trauma in my past), that’s become a big trigger again. And I’ve been quiet on tumblr more than I’d like to be, but that’s just where I am now, and hopefully that can change. As I do love interacting with my mutuals and fandoms.

So thank you for this ask, it is such a sweet reminder of the kind mutuals/individuals, like yourself (you are an amazing person too 🫵) who are on this site 💜.

[asgardianhammer]

(( two things about me: 1) i love my partners to death, and love writing with them to death. frankly idgaf if anyone feels person x, y or z is not "good enough" for whatever reason, your opinion means exactly nothing to me. 2) while i try to be mindful of content most of the time, at the end of the day this is my blog, and i will post things that i like posting/writing. again, your opinion has zero value to me. the audacity of some of y'all is wild.

[enbycarp]

I feel like I'm always taking care of other people and I'm so tired.

Our cat was sick so i took her to the vet every morning last week, i woke up early to give her meds to help calm her, and i gave her all the other meds that came with being sick. And every day i took care of the other pets (two of which are not my pets), and i the chores, and i cooked dinner for the family. My sister has been really upset about the cat being sick so I'm spending all my free time keeping her distracted. I want to draw but i can't.

Then i started today by getting a tooth extracted. I still had to pick up groceries and i had to make dinner. I had to make something my mom and sister would like even though I'm pretty limited on what i can eat right now. Mom complained it was too spicy from just some paprika. I played some diablo 2 with my sister because i could tell she still wasnt feeling great and she got annoyed at me for doing bit.

I'm so exhausted, I'm irritable because of the discomfort and because it's hard to get enough food when i can only eat pureed things. Mom realized i wasn't feeling great and assumed i was mad at her so she started saying things like, "I'm sorry I'm so weak" about not being able to eat spice so i had to try to make her feel better.

And when i ask mom for help with things i can't do at the moment, she gets annoyed and wanders off before completing the task at hand.

My mom and sister are wonderful, loving people, but they have problems and they expect me to deal with those problems while not giving me what i need to take care of myself. And when i bring this up, mom thinks I'm yelling at her and won't talk to me. My sister says she understands and will start to make changes, then slowly revert to how things were. I need help, and there's no one who can help me right now.

[collectingmuses]

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[vaguemylk]

i need to get shelving from ikea because i have too many things that don't have "homes" which means they just sit in piles on the floor or in boxes or on tabletops and it's stressing me out.

the issue is i need the shelves to fit/work around my dining table and i can't decide where i'm putting my dining table long-term 😭 been pushing furniture around all day just to see if i like it better in one spot than the other but tbh i don't like any of the layouts??? this place is so awkwardly designed with the kitchen bang in the middle

[darkbets]

i might actually have to take an intermittent break from writing tbh. a lil vent in the tags.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

what's one more sobbing breakdown aboutmy own imoending death this week fellas am i right