How come Velvette is the only bitchless one in this whole hotel when she's the only one who washes regularly and puts effort into her appearance? I cant find you a girlfriend, but you know what I can do? Make you rate these ships with all the women I know from the hellaverse:
Velvette × Charlie
Velvette × Vaggie
Velvette × Cherri Bomb
Velvette × Niffty
Velvette × Carmilla
Velvette × Zeezi
Velvette × Rosie
Velvette × Lilith
Velvette × Emily
Velvette × Sera
Velvette × Lute
Velvette × The Sin of Envy
Velvette × Bee
Velvette × Veroskia
Velvette × Stella
Velvette × Octavia
Velvette × Loona
—bird anon
"One, I'm not in the fuckin' hotel. Two, even countin' everyone there, I'm hardly the only 'bitchless' one - apart from V an' his boys and the princess an' her girlfriend, everyone's single. Three, did if eva' cross your mind that I'm single cause I want to be? I ain't waistin' my effort on maintaining a relationship - I got betta' things to do. But whatever, guess I'll rank these, if it'll get you to shut up.
Velvette × The Sin of Envy - Not sure why you didn't just say her name, but yeah, Leviathan's gotta be first. She's hot and she's powerful, and I can admit we'd make one hell of a power couple. Not sure 'bout compatibility - I only met her the one time, but we got along enough for a five-minute convo and a dance at the reception, so I'm sure we could make do.
Velvette × Bee - As in Beelzebub? Not really my type, but if I hafta be with someone, I've gotta be able ta' benefit from their power to make it worth my while. And I liked her alright.
Velvette × Stella - Looked her up, and I guess she's one of the Ars Goetia, so she's gotta be bringin' something to the table power-wise. Can't remember if she was at the weddin' or not, but if she was, I don't think I got a chance ta' meet her, so no idea what she's like.
Velvette × Veroskia - Just to clarify, I'm making this list off of who I'd be most willin' to be in a relationship with, not fuckability, cause if it were the latter, Verosika would so be number one. Cause sign me up for that!
Velvette × Rosie - She's old as fuck, but she's a powerful Overlord who admittedly has a decent sense of humor.
Velvette × Zeezi - Don't know her that well, and definitely ain't interested in her, but at least she's got a decent power base.
Velvette × Cherri Bomb - Of everyone at the hotel, she's definitely got the most goin' for her. But I ain't interested.
Velvette × Carmilla - Ugh, I do not wanna be with that old bat, but I'm out of halfway-decent options.
Velvette × Lilith - V's husband's ex is definitely off limits, but I've gotta put her somewhere, and I'd rather her than anyone else on the list.
Velvette × Charlie - V's stepdaughter is also off limits, and no way could I handle that much of Miss Sunshine-and-Rainbows, anyway.
Velvette × Loona - I have no fuckin' clue who this is, but we've officially reached the never in a million years portion of the list, so I'll put her here.
Velvette × Vaggie - You couldn't pay me to date Little-Miss-Perfect.
Velvette × Niffty - She's literally straight.
Velvette × Lute - Like hell am I datin' a fucking angel, but if I've gotta rank 'em, I'll put the badass one first.
Velvette × Sera - Don't really got anything to say about this one.
Velvette × Emily - I heard she's even more bubbly than Charlie, so just no.
Velvette × Octavia - Alright, I looked this one up, and she's a literal child?! Like, I know I was young when I died, but I'm still an adult and she's a fuckin' minor. What the fuck is your problem?!
There. I hope you're happy."
