Nine hot drinks on the menu
1. A nice warm bath with plenty of bubbles, delivered to the table in a nice warm bathtub with a handle. You should take a ceremonially accidental sip of the water before you climb in, possibly as part of assessing the bubbles. Otherwise it would be a silly thing to have on the menu.
2. Coffee, in a cup like usual and definitely brown. It is made from normal beans and just in case you have any suspicions you can check them yourself before they are ground.
3. A glass of superheated Atlantic water from the tidal wave from the meteor impact. Which one is not entirely sure. Certainly, time travel has been used, and I am sure that the staff put themselves in considerable peril to fulfil your order. But nobody will say if they have been travelling to the past or to the future. Anyway, it's rather a nice glass and you do get to keep it, which makes up for the salty taste.
4. A shallow tray of tropical seawater, complete with sand, purple shells, and a small fish which will inject an unknown poison into your finger. Don't worry; the antidote is kept behind the counter. Just ask. Comes with a leaky snorkel.
5. A hot and angry tear, served in a tiny glass. It will cool in a moment; timing is of the essence in ensuring that it arrives at your table at the appropriate temperature. There is a rumour that they use time travel here, too, rather than having anyone in the kitchen who is able to cry on command. There is a rumour that they use the tears of patrons. In any case, consuming it produces a momentary sorrow, after which you may feel better, much in the same way that hitting your finger with a hammer produces a momentary pain.
6. You may have also noticed that there is a very small door at neck height at the back of the cafe. This is the door to the mosquito cafe. It is the same room as the human cafe, except the hot drinks on the menu are the various bloods available from the human cafe customers. The menu is dynamic and yes, you are on it. You can check out your price if you want. This price is subtracted from anything you order in the human cafe.
7. A desert island, perfect in every detail except size, surrounded by an impassible sea ten centimetres in width. The sea is impassible because to order this you will have to sign an agreement to stay on the island until rescued. It is quite a production when they bring the island out. They have to take out a whole table to fit it in and of course only one person can have it at once, you do get to feel special. Anyway, you will be providing the warm drinks on the island, although they will do rescue before it gets to that if you ask or if someone else orders the island.
8. A small, warm rainstorm from a vast, warm and probably future world. Probably this world, although there is the possibility that it is an alien one. It depends on the current balance of time travel and space travel costs. The rainstorm takes up an entire table, as well. They bring it in on a lead. There is a sense that it might be the last one in its region before the desert swings in for good. The water tastes oddly sweet. It probably does not contain alien parasites.
9. Warm water from the heart of a comet diving into the sun. They deliver a large iron ring to the table for this one, which you will be climbing through into another time and place. They run a complex program identifying precisely those points in space-time at which water of the correct temperature and pressure exists for long enough to experience it and hopefully come back. Enjoy.
