#we lied

[phyllitta]

Leon Kennedy collecting little white girls like Bruce Wayne collecting orphans. Lol

[peterquillsuggestion]

exposing @tonystarksuggestion

[the-raven-sisters]

Imagine:

Harper Planning A Whole Day To Celebrate Sam’s Birthday

“Sam…” A voice whispers as something gently shakes Sam awake; it takes a moment to realize it’s Harper, beside him in bed.

“Hmm?” Sam peeks his eyes open to see his girlfriend, messy hair and sleepy eyes, staring down at him with a small smile. The moonlight is streaming through the window, casting a soft blue lighting across the room that seems to make Harper’s bright blue eyes shine brighter than usual. Or maybe that’s simply how she always appears when she’s happy about life. It’s not a look Sam sees often.

“Happy birthday,” Harper beams.

“What time is it?”

“Just past midnight. I wanted to be the first one to say it.”

Sam grins, gathering Harper into his arms. “I love you.” He starts to drift back to sleep with Harper in his arms, but she nudges him.

“You can’t go back to sleep yet.”

Sam groans, releasing his girlfriend from his gentle hold. “Why not? It’s my birthday, and I want to sleep.”

“But I want to tell you what the plan is for today,” Harper pouts slightly, as she sits up in bed.

“Why can’t it be a surprise?” Sam stares up at her, admiring how beautiful she is even when she’s a morning mess.

“Because I’m too excited.”

Sam lets out a laugh at that. She’s more excited to celebrate his birthday than she was last month for her own. “All right, fine. Tell me what we’re doing.”

[cultofliars]

Let us drown cause it’s not getting any better

[first-order-cleaning-crew]

We didn't do it, we swear

Sanitation department here. @therealgeneralhux, we believe we found your datapad in the restroom, Sir. We’re sure there is some very sensitive information on it that you don’t want to get out but there’s a little bit of a problem.

Someone drew some, er, let’s just say inappropriate images on the screen, and it has proven rather difficult to remove them. We can keep trying to get it off if you want, but it seems like a lost cause to us. Have a clean and productive day.

[galacticsuggestions]

Give your immortality to me, I’ll set you up against the stars 🌌

Wine Red, The Hush Sound

[jimmy-vethey]

i told mom that @obscenelyme is gonna date my brother.

“oh and what does he think about this?”

“mom they’ve never actually met...she calls him sam”

“why”

“i don’t fully know why”

“well i mean at least she;s jewish....”

“what? oh riiiiiiiiight”

and then we remember the lies we told to have my parents be okay with a stranger flying 700+ miles to stay with us for a week in 2012 when we met online in 2010...oops?