My nonhuman-ness is important to me but also isolating. It's weird and contradicting but real and lived by me. I live in two contradicting truths. I am but am not. I am a were-thing but not separated from also being human. I have experienced what felt and i believed was like physically transforming into a dog/wolf-ish form I couldn't push back on thinking I was a dog and being addressed otherwise distressed me. Now after that I haven't been able to reach that state the same way an. doubting it as real enough.
more often I'll have smaller partial transformations but I have no one to validate my inhumane nature or "play into" my transient delusions. even to me it is elusive. I can't prove it to feel real.
when the wolf in me finds its way to the surface I want to embrace it despite how transient my state of nonhuman-ness can be. I feel persistent emptiness and being a werewolf and dog is one of the few consistent things that makes me feel less hollow.
