#whaticoverup

[bluetypes]

Permanent Diagnosis.

The worst part of my complex PTSD/DID diagnosis was watching multiple GPs and therapists assess it's impact as "permanent".

So you're telling me that

1. terrible things have happened to me sometimes even without my knowledge,

2. my brain has been modified in a way you're not sure can be fixed

3. and to top it all off you expect that this should last my entire lifetime ?

Like what kind of hope (if any) do I have of being "normal" ever again?

[bluetypes]

Drowning Me Out..

It pulls me further

I’m slinking away

There’s no knowing who will face for me

But I won’t know her

A smile slides through

To cover shame with fakery

It’s pulling me to the depths

And I won’t fight it

I’m telling you,

This time

I’ll let it take me

The reasons to fight are gone

And the hope of a tomorrow is lost.

[bluetypes]

Chasing Reflections

She travels unknown unguided she is lost in her own body

second guessing every move strangers pose danger movement strikes fear

passing the store window on a busy lane way my reflection shouts out to me she’s sinking through the glass and I can never save her before she disappears.

-

[bluetypes]

Covered Up

Drained out

The cooling sensation helped no more

My skin

remains unclean

Years later

Haunted by

The subtraction of choice

Disgusted by reactions

Unable to rise above

I have trapped myself

Unprotected and disgraced

Tainted beyond belief.