This episode of Sherlock also really hit home for me because of the fact that Sherlock thinks that he is going to be alone now. He slips away from the wedding on his own. He worries that he will now have to be without John. Alone. He spends so much time and energy trying to help with the wedding and be the best friend ever for his best friend. He sees the happiness that others have in their lives, but he seems to miss that they do things that express how much they care for him.
For myself, I grew up without friends for the most part. I was abused and I had what you could put lightly as a rough childhood. I've been abandoned by people that I love and it's been hard. One of the biggest hurdles for me has been coming to terms with who I am and that I am just fine as I am. In fact, I'm great and you're welcome. Not everyone is going to leave me. People love me. People care. Maybe not everyone and maybe not even members of my family, but there are people who care. There are people who will still care about me even as we grow old and time marches on. Not everything is going to change and then some changes aren't bad either. I'm not saying that my life is just like Sherlock's, but speaking as someone who grew up and spent most of their life, even part of their adult life, in isolation, I understand how hard it can be to accept that you are loved and that not everyone will one day leave you or hurt you. It's actually quite easy to continue as someone who identifies as a loner because once you accept that you are unaccepted, it's hard to change that thought. You can't kill an idea. Not once it's made a home there *boops own head*. Caring can be an advantage because it can make your life better, but that's hard to learn as an adult. It can be hard to see that other people care even if it's plain as day to the rest of the world because you don't feel you deserve it. You think you are obnoxious and ridiculous and it takes time to see that not only are there people out there who don't care that you're that way, but they can also love you. Sherlock points out to Mycroft in TEH that so what if someone is different why would people care, but he needs to see more than that. Not only do people not care, but they value him for who he is. John, Mary, Lestrade, Molly, Mrs. Hudson... they value him for being just Sherlock before they value him for being Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock has grown so much and in TSOT he really put himself out there in many ways that he would never have previously done. I just hope that he can see that he doesn't need to leave the party alone. He can stay because people value him and his company for the person he is and not just for being Hatman. I am so glad that this character hasn't stagnated. I had so many thoughts and feelings watching TSOT tonight and I can't tell you the number of times when I just wanted to reach through the screen and talk to Sherlock about this. Crazy? I don't care. I want him to learn what I've learned.
