Summary: Short and Sweet. Duff is thinking about his breakup and missing the girl who he loved. He feels this emptiness that he hasn’t felt as he remembers.
Notes: This is a bit different from what I usually wrote. If you have time for feedback I appreciate it. :)
It’s 3am and I swear I loved you
I haven’t slept in days, weeks, has it really been a full month since you packed your bags and left? The bags under my eyes carry my insomnia; I started to be afraid to sleep. When I fall asleep I dream and when I dream it’s of you.
You. Who I reach for in my sleep on the bed we picked out together. You. Who when I wake up won’t be there with that smile that drives me crazy. You. Who won’t be wrapped up in one of my t-shirts drinking coffee that you’ll let me steal sips off to fight off the sleep.
How could you have left when I loved you so much?
I’m still finding your stray hairs around the apartment. Tucked under pillows, laid out like a strand of silk on a shirt you must have worn, tangled in knots down the drain. Your hair is like the whispers of a ghost. I find them and the cold feeling of a memory passes through me.
You’re haunting me and it’s not fair because I loved you.
The day you left you had been so mad at me. The fury in your eyes as you tore through our home like a tornado; crashing and smashing everything in your wake. Your favorite coffee mug shards still come out bearing their sharp teeth even after months of sweeping the spot. The potted plant you had spent six months rotating in the sun and showering with love is wilted in the cracked pot. I still haven’t replaced the curtains you tore off the living room windows. The moonlight pours in now and keeps me company as I sit up thinking of you.
You, the one that I loved and the one who I broke.
It haunts me. The way you looked at me was a mix of shock and horror. The hurt in your eyes as you questioned if you were really seeing me doing this betrayal to you. The brunette whose face you couldn’t see didn’t know to stop and I had knocked her over trying to cover myself and apologize as I chased you out of the recording studio where I was supposed to be laying down bass tracks for the album.
You had come to surprise me with a six pack and a pizza. Instead you got surprised by me breaking your heart.
I had fallen down the last three steps as I watched you rush into the night. I knew you were crying and it was my fault. But I was so sure I could fix it. I was sure you’d forgive me and I could talk my way out of the heartbreak that I caused you.
You didn’t forgive me even though I told you I loved you.
The tears were coming down in waterfalls when I finally caught up with you at our apartment but they had also been joined by your anger. Your anger scared me. The fury so big coming from your petite body. I watched as you tore about our life together and took all the pieces of you that you could fit into your duffel bag.
The ring that I had picked out in a tiny pawn shop in Hollywood. The one that would be on your finger forever. Because I loved you. And I thought that you loved me.
I never realized how lonely missing someone could be until you were gone. It was like someone took scissors and snipped me in half. The better half of me gone and the half that’s left not knowing what I’m supposed to do.
What do you do when love wasn’t enough?
Or maybe it wasn’t that love wasn’t enough but I didn’t realize that it was enough when it was spilling over my cup. I didn’t understand the love we had. The strength your laughter gave me. The power of your touch. The overwhelming joy of your lips pressed against mine.
I didn’t know how love worked until love was gone.
And it’s gone and I’m alone. I move from the couch, looking towards the bedroom where I should be asleep and move instead to the balcony. It’s cool outside and it makes me alert and aware. I’m alone now. The ghost of you, my roommate in the apartment and my body just shuffling through the day on autopilot as my mind wanders to memories we shared.
It’s 3am and I loved you but I’m glad that you were strong enough to go.
Maybe one day, you’ll give me a chance again and we can sit up drinking beers and laughing until it’s 3am and you drag me to bed. Your kisses and body dragging from me the affections that I’ve buried deep. And I’ll sleep knowing that you love me and I’m safe with you.
One day it will be 3am and we’ll love each other again
