Another random touch-starvation fic with Logan
Sometimes when I write I feel like what I’m writing is hella unorigional so I hope it’s not too boring.
Summary: Logan is touch starved but also too stubborn to ask for help.
Logan was doing ok. His unexplainable need of physical human contact was being satisfied.
Well, it wasn’t really that unexplainable; he theorised he was particularly prone to touch starvation. Naturally, he didn’t want to bother anyone with this. He didn’t need to bother anyone with this. He was Logic; he was going to figure this out.
Maybe that’s why he let Roman draw on him so often. Whenever he needed to use another person for his creations, Logan was always willing to help. That’s all Logan needed to get by, honestly. Just a few moments of having his wrist held in place as Roman drew on it, or the few milliseconds of being touched as Roman adjusted a costume on him. It wasn’t ideal, he knew, but Logan could get by.
That was until Roman didn’t ask him as much any more.
As Virgil got used to being a light side, he also started to accept physical contact a bit more. Naturally, Roman asked him to help with his projects, since out of all the sides he has the most realistic views on people’s opinions on them. This was an issue, though. Logan’s already low amount of physical contact was halved and he didn’t have any replacements.
Obviously, he could tell the other sides, but Logan didn’t want to interfere with their usual schedules for something as trivial as asking for a hug. He would be fine on his own; it wasn’t even affecting him that much, right?
He lived like this for a few weeks before he really started feeling sick. He even went as far as to let Remus cling to him for longer than a few seconds. In fact, he didn’t ask him to leave until Remus himself got distracted. That got the others’ attention.
“Logan, are you ok?” Patton asked when they were alone in the dining room, his voice casual but his eyes filled with concern.
“I am adequate.” Logan answered, a bit surprised at the question.
“You seem tired lately. Are you taking care of yourself properly?” Patton pushed further.
“I have been working late recently - nothing concerning, Patton.” It wasn’t a lie. He had been immersing himself in his work, for nights in a row now, in an attempt to distract himself from the almost painful need for human contact. He could just ask Patton for a hug right now. It was just six words and knowing Patton, he wouldn’t reject him and he would be warm and it would —
“As long as you’re taking proper care of yourself.” Patton said smiling, cutting off his thoughts. He was thankful for that, to be honest. He didn’t want his spiralling thoughts to make him burden anyone with his issues. He was Logic. He was fine on his own. No-one should have to care for him.
That night Logan was working again. Not that he had to do it but he was organising some facts Thomas had previously learned in his part of the memory archive. He knew no-one would be here at this time of night and that he wouldn’t have to stress over difficult questions... such as why he looked sick.
He sat by his desk, focusing on trying to focus on the knowledge, and finding it extremely difficult. His concentration was at an all time low but he had to focus. He was Logic. That was his job.
“What are you doing up so late?” Someone asked from behind. He spun on his wheely chair to face them.
“Hello, Deceit.” He said in the most monotone voice he could manage, “I am clearly working. What brings you to the Logic memory archive?”
“What’s wrong, Logan?” Deceit’s voice changed from his usual indifference to genuine concern.
“Nothing is wrong. I am perfectly adequate.” Logan replied, adjusting his glasses. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about this encounter. If Deceit finds out, he might tell the others.
“That’s a lie, if I’ve ever seen one.” He replied. After a brief pause he walked up to Logan and crouched down by his chair, “Logan, you’re crying.”
Was he? How didn’t he notice? Logan started panicking as he reached up to touch his eyes and realising they were, in fact, filled with tears. He stayed silent as Deceit continued, lies set aside from his voice to fulfil his other role.
“Logan, you look like a ghost on a bad day. You’re thin, pale and clearly sick and not taking care of yourself to the point I was summoned by the mindscape. If you don’t tell me now, I won’t be able to help, which will go against my role as self-preservation and you know that.”
“I-I’ll be fine.” Logan said weakly. He didn’t need anyone’s help. Logic could figure it out. He was Logic; He could do that, right?
Deceit stared at him for what seemed like eternity but then sighed, got up and said, “If I figure out what’s wrong, I’ll stop by again.”
And with that, he left Logan there, crying silently until exhaustion.
Two days later, Deceit knocked on Logan’s door once again. When Logan let him inside, he knew what he was going to say; it didn’t mean he wouldn’t try to argue with it anyway.
“You’re touch starved.” Deceit deadpanned, “Would you like a hug?”
“No.” Logan tried, “I am perfectly adequate. I do not need physical contact.”
“You must not be aware of who you’re talking to.”
Logan sighed, “Please do not mention this to anyone. I am looking for alternative solutions which don’t involve other people.”
“Oh, of course. How could I forget that this condition, deriving from the lack of human physical contact, has a solution not involving people?” Deceit said sarcastically.
Deceit cleared his throat and spoke seriously, lies set aside once again, “I will respect your choices until this becomes dangerous. If this gets out of hand, I am instantly telling everyone.”
“I don’t have a choice on that condition, do I?”
And with that, they split ways once again.
A week later, the sides were in the kitchen, waiting for Patton to finish breakfast. Remus and Virgil were arguing about a detail in some conspiracy while Roman and Deceit discussed the significance of the inaccuracies in a movie. It was a regular morning, except for one detail.
“Has anyone seen Logan?” Patton asked as he set out plates for each side.
“He probably worked late again.” Roman answered. That was the excuse Logan gave for his tiredness recently.
“We should smash his door with an axe and then all jump on him to wake him up.” Remus suggested.
“...Or we could just let him sleep. He probably needs it - he’s been pretty dead lately.” Virgil countered.
“You’re right. He’ll probably be awake for lunch anyway.” Patton smiled, putting the frying pan of scrambled eggs and a plateful of garlic bread at the centre of the table.
Breakfast continued as normal, except Deceit wasn’t sure if it should have. After everyone split ways, he headed straight for Logan’s room.
When he got to the door, he knocked.
He hesitated, silently worried for his fellow side. Curling his gloved hand on the handle, he gently opened it.
That morning, Logan felt exhausted. He was aware he had spent too much time avoiding the topic but he really didn’t want anyone to be obliged to care for him. He would be fine, right?
Now he was aware of why Deceit had been so serious about his condition. Last night he hadn’t had the energy to even change into his pyjamas so now he was lying there, half conscious, his blue striped tie loose on his neck and his glasses on the pillow next to him. Moving hurt but the cold pricking his skin was worse, so he curled up even more and pulled his covers above his head. He didn’t even know what time it was. He couldn’t concentrate; he couldn’t move. Instead, he lay there, waiting. He didn’t know what for but he was preparing for the worst. If only there was someone here with him.
When he opened the door, Deceit knew something was wrong. The room heating was set to the fullest and on the bed there was a pile of blankets and extra duvets. When did Logan even take them?
When he tried to pull the blankets away from Logan’s face to help him breathe, he heard a disapproving groan.
“Logan?” He called but didn’t get a response.
He took off one glove and pulled back the covers with his other hand to touch Logan’s forehead - it felt like ice.
Instead of trying to pull the covers back up like Deceit expected him to, Logan pulled his hand and hugged his arm.
“Ok. This is definitely a dangerous deterioration of health. Logan, I’m telling the others.” Panicked, he pulled his arm away and headed straight to the door. In the background, Logan tried to mumble something at him, nothing coherent, but Deceit was already outside shouting to get the other sides’ attention.
In his defence, Logan didn’t have his glasses. The knocking he assumed was illusory and the sound of the door opening was probably someone else’s. Then he felt someone pull his covers.
Instantly, Logan’s hoarded warmth escaped and he couldn’t even call out to for them to stop; he tried to but it came out as nothing more than a groan. For a second, Logan was thankful because they stopped. Then he was thankful for the warm hand on his forehead. He didn’t notice that the blankets were stolen from him once again; he did notice the overwhelming warmth seeping into his head. He wanted more of it. He needed more of it. Grabbing the hand before it got away and pulling the person down so that he could trap their arm and steal their body heat he didn’t feel guilty. He probably should, to be honest, but at the moment it was too cold for his brain to function properly.
The person in front of him said something - something too loud - and then took back their arm, running out. Logan tried calling out again. It didn’t work. This was the reason why he didn’t want to tell anyone. Whoever was by his bed probably despised him now. They probably will start avoiding him. This wasn’t what Logic was supposed to be like. He wasn’t supposed to be all this... touchy and feelingsy. He was useless and they now knew it. He wasn’t even able to cure himself. Tears fell on his hand as he pulled the blankets back over his head, sinking himself into what was left of their warmth.
He thought he heard someone coming back in but he didn’t dare hope.
There were some voices somewhere around him. Maybe if he goes back to normal they’ll still tolerate him afterwards.
Deceit pulled the last of the sides (Remus because he was ‘busy’) into Logan’s room to see the others utterly confused. A lot of the heat had already escaped through the open door making the room a lot more like a person’s who wants to be cozy and not one who is ill. To make his point, Deceit pulled Logan’s covers back once again to reveal an unkempt Logan, curled up on himself. Guilt built up swiftly - Logan was crying. He wasn’t crying before, was he? ...So it must have been something Deceit did, right?
“Logan is prone to touch starvation but he didn’t want to tell anyone and now he’s sick because of it.” Deceit started hoping the others would understand and looking at the their shocked reactions: Patton immediately jumped at Logan to hug him, Virgil’s brain almost crashed with worry but he joined Patton on Logan’s other side, Roman joined too after he had shaken away his surprise and disbelief, Remus didn’t get as close as the others because he was scared he would overwhelm Logan but he still came close enough to touch him and offer his warmth too.
“Told you Logan.” He said softly.
Slowly healing from the mass of warmth, Logan understood Deceit. He looked back at him with a knowing pout as if to say “I know but you don’t have to say it” before making a grabby hand at him too. Hoping for Logan to recover quickly, he joined the Logan-centred cuddle pile, pulling a hesitant Remus along with him, letting Logan leech on their warmth and heal from the large crowd.