#xx vent

[gothshy]

|| One downside about being “popular” or tumblr influential or whatever the fuck i am, is that you can do literally nothing right. Everyone’s watching and there’s always going to be someone who nitpicks the things you make for others to enjoy for free. I give my art/writing/singing for free because I like you guys. I’m not getting paid for this. I’ve never even gotten a ko-fi. With the exception of some regular people, I don’t do commissions often and nobody’s paying me for the free drabbles/original headcanons/overall entertainment I’m giving here not just because I enjoy sharing but because I like my friends/followers and want to entertain them. But a little cutback on the constant nitpicking would be nice. I write a site-wide event to include everyone that includes basically the equivalent of a short story for free. That gets punched at for plot holes in a meta comments. I make a joke about goths, that gets ragged on too. And that was ooc and totally me, not a character. Can people...maybe lay off? I’m just one person. I’m not in a professional critique group workshopping a story or art piece for sale and mass consumption. I’m giving small gifts to the rp community as best I can. And I’m not obligated to be creative/funny/entertaining.

I’m constantly reacted to and it’s completely flattering most of the time because it means my plots or whatever are interesting and people are taking note. But fuck. Some people remind me why if you’re good at something you shouldn’t do it for free.

For the record, I am casual goth irl. My joke was about how people always draw/imagine goths scowling and frowning. Not a sounding board for your character to attack me/a real person. This isn’t instance 1 of this kind of thing so I’m addressing it.

I’m only one person and I’m sensitive too. And when everyone is watching you it can be tiring when there’s constant influx of snide comments.

[underoursirenspell]

;; tbh it can be discouraging on here

To be told which Siren should be doing what.

Adagio should be wearing that, not Aria.

Sonata can’t be that dark.

Aria can’t say nice things.

Adagio can’t be asexual because she’s seductive.

Aria can’t sing that song.

Sonata shouldn’t say that.

Adagio should do this.

Etc etc etc.

People dictating how I should play these characters.

Do me a favor and STFU and Unfollow if it’s that big of a deal to you. You came here to read MY interpretation not the stupid predictable fanon interpretation. If you want that go back to FIM and read some shit fanfics where each Siren has one personality trait each.

[zerooup]

lowkey vent ig

i feel like i regress too often and now my partner isn't talking to me -toya

[gothshy]

||This week feels like another waste. Don’t want to talk about, no. I just want to have motivation and energy to make things right.

[gothshy]

*deep breaths*

Ok.

Sorry everyone had to see that.

I shouldn’t have impulse-posted. I’m above that. I’ve got this under control. I’ve got myself under control.I’m crying, I’m upset, but I’m not going to lose control. 

But what I don’t have under control is the idiocy on this site. And the way I’ve been treated and am continuing to be treated. I blocked the person who’s continuing to send me asks despite my request to be left alone. And I reported them for harassment.

But I know it won’t do any good.

They won’t be held accountable for how panicked I feel right now or how much I feel like shit because nobody respects my wishes on here.

Hiatus.

I guess. I don’t know. This is where I go to relax. And yet these people keep cropping up.

I’m just so tired.

So tired of being treated like garbage. And like my voice and feelings don’t even matter.

There’s…just so much…

I can’t handle it anymore. I’m not thick-skinned enough. I feel empty.

I’m so, so, so tired.

[gothshy]

;; So.

The lowdown is. I went to a hair salon to get a tricky knot out of my hair. My hair is fine and when it gets knotted it can be a hassle to untangle by myself sometimes so I often require some assistance. I’ve had this done before and it’s never gone like this before.

I went in and these people…well, they basically did everything wrong. I seemed to know more about hair than they did.

I don’t want to upset myself again thinking too much about it. but basically they just pulled my hair and yanked it and brushed it with the wrong kind of comb (a big-toothed comb) until they pulled the knots out. I was in tears by the time they were done it hurt so much. And they just laughed. Then they gave me a dry-roller treatment I didn’t ask for. I finally just asked them to take the rollers out and let me go. And that was difficult too.

I guess the worst part was that it reminded me of a babysitter I had when I was tiny who used to yank my hair when I wouldn’t sit still. And I know I’m not being an overly whiny about this. That same woman was caught for child abuse and put on probation. (My mom was the one who reported her.) It’s a memory so bad and so early that I actually see myself instead of remembering it first-person perspective. And it’s in black and white. My doctor said that’s a form of intense dissociation. I don’t remember much else.

I’ll delete this post later probably. It’s a bit too close to home to just leave sitting here. But I did want to vent.

[zerooup]

mm gotta go 2 th hospit :c -toya

[zerooup]

kind of a vent?

I showed a picture of our son to a friend of ours and they keep saying We made them.. uncomfortable? Despite saying we have two kids before. is this my fault? I feel all dirty.. i feel.. not good;; this star feels like the dullest in the sky. They also said I took "Plap plap plap too seriously" and got upset when i said to stop.