#zeus no

[greekgodssitcom]

Poseidon [drunk]: You’re not a lobster if you’re dead

Hades:

Hades: Yeah that’s not-

Zeus [also drunk]: Wait let him cook

[0lympian-c0uncil]

Hera*to Athena*: You ok? You know you can tell me.

Little Athena: I'm ok.

Zeus *walking pass*: Oh, I trained her in the car she's not gonna break. :)

[overworked-strawberry]

Nobody:

Absolutely no one:

Zeus: Just do it

[stylusoutofcontext]

Episode 174

[thevertigomaster]

Perseus, In A Nutshell

ring ring ring, Apollo answers the prayer phone. "Mount Olympus prayer hotline, how can I help you?" 

"yo this is King Acrisius of Argos. I need a son" 

"Sorry bro, you shit outta luck. No sons for you. In FACT, your grandson's gonna kill you, fool" 

"wtf that ain't cool dawg what the hell do I do?" 

"Well you could always kill your daughter I guess" 

"BRO FUCK DAT" 

he hangs up and puts her in a metal roofless house thing.

Apollo tells his dad Zeus about this guy at the dinner table and Zeus is like "hmmmmmmmmmmm imma fuck his daughter" 

"Zeus no" 

"I won't be a swan this time, it shouldn't be weird" 

"Zeus please" 

King Acrisius: "how's my lovely daughter doin- wtf why do you have a baby?"

 "this is your grandson. I named him Perseus for some reason" 

"FUCK yall goin sailing" 

“hi I'm Dictys and i'm a nice guy”

“hi I'm his brother Polydectes and I'm a king.”

 "Polydectus, my brother, meet my friend and her son, Perseus" 

"hmmmmmmmmmmm imma fuck her and kill her son" 

"poly no" 

"don't worry, i'll just send him on a suicide mission" 

"poly please" 

"yo kid, go kill Medusa" 

and Percy’s like "lolwut ok" 

meanwhile on Olympus: "Yo Athena" 

"what is it Hermes, my half-brother?" 

"Dad's latest boi, our latest half-brother, is gonna get himself killed" 

"FUCK lets help him" 

hermes @ Percy: "yo kid here's some funky wisdom via musical number and a badass infinity +1 sword" 

Athena: "and a big ass mirror" 

Percy: "lol ok thx" 

"also you're gonna need some other shit from these nymphs of the north" 

"nymphos?" 

"no, nympths, you dumb hormonal teen machine" 

“aw ok” so he goes to those 3 old chicks with the eyeball and yoinks the dang thing like some douchebag. "yo hags, i'll give you your eyeball back if you tell me where i can find the nymphos" 

"not cool bro. they're north of here, you dumbass" 

So Percy goes North and these nymphs be like "yo bro we be nymphs, here's some funky fresh Key Items"

 "lol thx bro"

Then Percy finally goes to Medusa like "knock knock snake bitch i got divine equipment" and she's like "oh fuck my head's gone"

 and he's whistling and finds this kinky bitch named Andromeda who's chained to a rock so she can get eaten by a snake, but snakes can't really safeword so she'd like to gtfo so Percy’s like "lol aight shawty, let's bounce" 

At last, Percy waddles on back home to the king like "yo poly i killed the medusa, see? oh fuck yall are rocks now" and so his mom's "friend" dictys becomes the new king or whatever, blah blah blah— TIME SKIP

Percy’s basically playing some epic rock frisbee game (discus), throws it wide like some sort of noob and it fuckin kills his grandpa and Apollo's just like “CALLED IT BITCH!”

The End

[greekgodssitcom]

Zeus: Man I have the worst headache

Hephaestus: I can help

[inches towards axe]

Zeus: Hephaestus no

Apollo with popcorn: Hephaestus yes

[greekgodssitcom]

Hades: Hey so I have a crush on your daughter and I was wondering how to approach this? Like what kind of flowers does she like? What would her ideal date-

Zeus: Kidnap her.

Hades:

Hades: Um I don’t think-

Zeus: Do it.