Evil Tails

Evil and messed up

[tailsbutevil]

I might be fucked up but I read/listen to other survivors and I nod and go “I get it, they did something like that to me, too” and I lack the feeling of shock. If anything it resurfaces my memories and in turn I remember what happened and I go “okay, yeah. Normal.” and it’s a little scary how much I’ve normalized it in my head, but whatever

[tailsbutevil]

Ah.

It only just now occurred to me that by ranking children it almost certainly has something to do with the organized abuse and the ritualistic abuse we’ve endured. Great.

[tailsbutevil]

One of our earlier alters came: their name is Chara. They’re the one who terrorizes us in our dreams a lot. They said in the dream they’ve tried to remain calm… but now they’ll have to “rank children” again. Us versus other kids in the dream.

The fact they called us a child when we are 20 speaks about our past in ways I cannot describe

Definitely one of our eldest fictives during the Undertale boom

We don’t even like Undertale anymore. How random for them to show themself now

[amnesiadream]

Things I have learned recently:

Be careful who you disclose your information to. Protect your system.

I've disclosed that I am a system on the site I've been on. I've had no fewer than 5 traffickers contact me specifically looking for systems and trafficking victims to exploit in adulthood. They don't make it obvious, I treat it like a game, I know how to talk to them, then I report them.

There will be others, mostly girls positioning themselves as victims too, they will give elaborate stories about their childhood assaults, I'm not sure if they are real or not but it doesn't matter, they work for traffickers too. They want you to open up.

Some are just degenerates who will want to exploit your trauma for their own pleasures. They will ask if you have fucked animals, they want you to fuck animals. They will ask if you were filmed as a child, it is a lead up to discussing CSAM. Some will ask about your programming (Not the term they use but that is obviously what they probe for) and traumas simply because they are looking for guidelines to do so to children themselves. Many want to find an adult woman to have children with to exploit. Many want to find out if your abuse was tied to an organization so they can seek them out.

They do not exclusively look for women to exploit, they also look for men they can 'corrupt', or men who were victims (from discussing it with some others on the site who had PDs and childhood trauma).

Be cautious, never disclose your inner workings, alter triggers, switching patterns etc. I do not mention my side systems, or programmed parts beyond my one most obvious alter.

It is scary how many of them exist, how open they feel, one was a therapist, one was a lawyer, one was a former pro athlete, one worked in tech. Some even gave me their full legal names. I don't trust that reporting does anything.

Granted overall it has been more good than bad, I had many lovely interactions and conversations, I don't respond to most DMs now, you have better luck being the one to find people first and initiate conversation. I think however being as we are, a life of solitude and masturbation might be a safer bet.

[tailsbutevil]

Thanks for bringing this to our attention

I feel like this just happened to us. We have a collective account where we are very open about our CPTSD and trafficking. I think some creep realized and looked through our stuff when we posted about our birthday, and we’re very openly AFAB and our disguised singlet version is a woman.

I think they sent us that unsolicited picture of themself and we played along. Someone said we weren’t pretty, never had ‘real’ sex before, asked if he wanted to try. He said he’d love to, then we blocked him.

It’s creepy… we didn’t even go into detail about our trauma. He just saw she/her, 2-3 comments about us being a trafficking victim and went for it

Stay safe out there guys

[stargazers-satellite]

can npd blogs please stop fetishizing being a cult leader. like can you seriously shut the fuck up

[tailsbutevil]

Sometimes I wonder

Other DID sys seem to have such a good understanding of who locks and holds and keeps what and ours is like… weird. We only remember things that don’t matter collectively. Things that do matter evade us. We can remember names but can’t quite place the importance in our lives without a better memory holder in front or without them reminding us.

Dissociative amnesia is so weird because it’s not as simple as ‘black out and suddenly different’ for us it’s more like ‘I’m pretty sure your name is [correct name] and something is telling me we’ve been [correct relationship type] for [correct timespan of relationship] but??? How do I know you exactly?? Why should I care?”

[tailsbutevil]

Not even an hour ago I cried over memories I remembered

I forgot the traumatic memories as quickly as I remembered them… because now I can’t recall exactly what it was. I’m going to assume I’m a memory holder who’s not even allowed to keep the memories unlocked now. Thanks brain.

[peanutgallerymemes]

unfortunately i’m cursed with being right

[narcopthy]

i don't think people without ASPD understand how hard masking is for us.

let me try to explain it.

imagine you are in a sensory deprivation chamber all of the time and you are desperate for a way out. someone opens the door a crack. of course you're going to claw at that crack until you feel a bit of sunlight on your face - it's more than you've had in forever.

now, that, but emotionally. i feel bored or dissatisfied to an excruciating extent and when i find a 'crack' (such as a reason to argue with someone, breaking rules, theft, lying, etc), i will claw at it until i get an adrenaline rush - also known as thrill-seeking.

but imagine you're also NOT allowed to do that and are expected to sit and be pretty for the world because they don't like when you do that. it's hurtful. i understand that, and i don't want to necessarily hurt other people, but if it happens i am not torn up over it because i got that bit of sunlight on my face.

masking is very vigorous and tiring. the 'basic expectation' can wipe me out completely for days. even people who i'm supposed to be able to trust and unmask around, i still have to mask a little bit at least. it makes me seem irrational and completely immature when i explode off of little things like being disagreed with, but what people don't understand is that everything i do is masking and it all adds up to the bomb going off.

everything - smiling, laughing at jokes, small talk, following directions, listening to others, comforting someone, apologizing for mistakes - all of it is masking. that bare minimum that's no effort for other people? that's all draining. and the worst part is that you only ever can be yourself, by yourself. and you know that nobody in your life will ever understand how to be 'normal', you have to try 10x harder than everyone else, and you have to live with knowing that nobody would do that for you. so it is VERY tempting to throw that away sometimes, especially with the impulsivity that comes with it.

[tailsbutevil]

I don’t even give a shit about syscourse but if you’re gonna call your fellow trauma survivors weak bitches for disagreeing with you maybe you should get off the internet for a while I dunno

I just think it’s weird asf to tell other trauma survivors “you’re weak for having a potentially harmful trauma response”

[fruitorchardsystem]

I’ve seen a handful of people (headmates included) who get nervous about journaling because they don’t think their thoughts are like… “worth” it?? Like “oh I’ve already written about what upset me I don’t have anything of note to write about because it’s not important” like.bro no….why are you worrying about imaginary rules.if you want to write about a funny thing you saw or a minor inconvenience please write about it for the love of gawwwdddd.or you might hate journaling because you just associate it with only being upset about something and then get anxious (happened to me) so just liek.write about anything!!!! SAME GOES FOR PEOPLE WHO MAKE DIARY COMICS goodness please don’t go into it thinking “will people like this/how many notes should I expect” NOOOOOO!!!!!! TURN AROUUUND!!! WRITE STUPID SHIT PLEAAASE!!!!

[tailsbutevil]

I want her aesthetic

I want all those clothes

I want better music

I can’t let it go.

[tailsbutevil]

I love existing because I love music but music switches my mood very easily

[tailsbutevil]

Calling other human beings animals is disgusting.

[frishbi]

The Blue Spirit (Prints)

[weird-coby-core]

May 13, 2026

[tailsbutevil]

I feel like the only little ever who doesn't want a caretaker I just wanna sit and draw and not have a headache :(