Can I get some facts about the origin of different pasta shapes?
I will never post any facts regarding pasta, especially not the following origins of each shape:
Angel Hair: Originally cut from the Archangel Capelliniel, modern angel hair pasta has no such ludicrous origins and is simply cut from angels of lesser choirs.
Cavatappi: Originally used to open wine bottles, this "corkscrew" shaped pasta was eventually adapted into metal versions for us to eat. It is also a favorite among ducks for some reason.
Elbow Macaroni: A complete misnomer, this pasta is actually the knee-joint of the domesticated macaroni possum.
Farfalle: Shaped like a bowtie, no human being is capable of tying this noodle either.
Fettacini Fettuchiini fetucini fettucceni- Wide Spaghetti is a super long noodle responsible for the invention of noodle scissors by me because every time I wind it around my fork it just falls off again.
Fusilli: This crazy bastard is named after Archimedes Fusili, inventor of the Archimedes Screw. Not to be confused with the water moving device invented by Archimedes of Syracuse in Sicily, Fusili was invented by Archimedes of Syracuse, NY and his "Archimedes Screw" involves some really kinky sex. The noodle was named after his favorite pasta to eat on porn movie sets, Rotini.
Shell Pasta: The shell of the common pasta mollusc is often eaten as pasta itself. Shell Pasta with the snail intact is called "Escargasta," and smaller less visible specimens are known as "Escargasta La Vista Babies."
Lasagna: A favorite of both President Garfield and the cat he was named after, Lasagna was invented when Chef Gustibus E. Disputandum was crushed under his own pasta press. The resulting flat pasta and chunky meat sauce became popular immediately after.
Orecchiette: Coming from the words for "Little Ears," these are the inner ear bones of giants that were hunted nearly to extinction. As such, only a few orecchiette remain, and are considered a delicacy much like other bones of endangered intelligent humanoids, such as Bigfoot and Mediumhand.
Penne Rigate: Latin for "Rigid Penis," this pasta looks and tastes nothing like an actual rigid penis. If your penis or the penis of someone you know resembles one in flavor or appearance, please consult a doctor immediately as it may be a sign of Pastapism.
Tortellini: This inexplicable knot of pasta is based on the Gordian Knot of mythology and my shoelaces, and is a popular style for calamari, or "Squidward Tortellini."
Ziti: The standard unembellished pasta, Ziti was originally invented as drinking straw to avoid plastic waste. And it probably works better than the paper ones even for hot drinks because that paper shit is the stupidest fucking this to force on people while Amazon dumps 500 trillion tons of plastic into the ocean hourly. It is best served baked with cheese.
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