This is about Good Omens, surprisingly
I am right now living through the beginning of the end of the worst year of my life. This is something I say as an expression of hope: hopefully, I won't have any years worse than the one that is now starting to end. Hopefully, this is about as bad as it gets.
Just about a year ago, my husband began displaying symptoms of encephalitis. That's inflammation of the brain, and having your brain inflamed is the sort of thing that, sometimes, you don't ever come back from. This past year has been so grueling and terrible. And now, as of 13 days ago, I have started living in an apartment by myself. My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. Now we're not. The past year has been extremely painful.
There's a lot I'm not saying. There's a lot I haven't figured out how to say.
I haven't been in a place to care about the Good Omens finale. How could I be? I have had too much else going on, emotionally and practically. It hasn't mattered to me, because it couldn't matter to me, because right now I am doing the terrible work of carving out a better future for myself, just a little crevice of security and peace for me and my dogs. I am overcome with the weight of a 20 year history--an eternity, it feels like-- which somehow grows heavier as it dissolves away. I am remaking myself, because I have to.
Right now, I'm tired of loss as a prerequisite for survival. I am full up to my gills with rebirth. I want to be comforted by a story in which saving the world requires no sacrifice.
There's a story that I love where an angel and a demon are exactly who they are, and they don't have to lose anything they care about for the good of the world. This is a story in which the future they win for themselves is the culmination of their pasts, a continuation of all they have always been. Their future is free, because it is a future in which they get to be unquestionably, unerringly themselves, nothing else. Where they are good enough, precisely as they are, and that is exactly how they love one another.
It turns out, I really need that story right now. I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and realize that. So I guess it just sucks that, on top of everything else that sucks for me right now, I feel like that's no longer a story I get to have.
titsay
origamiaround
prguitarman
yousharknotpass
stormborns
