كبري واش ربي كبر و صغري واش ربي صغر ،
cherry valley forever
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Janaina Medeiros
noise dept.

Product Placement

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Andulka
Peter Solarz

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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Xuebing Du
d e v o n
KIROKAZE
Cosimo Galluzzi
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
ojovivo
Mike Driver

#extradirty
art blog(derogatory)

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@takewhatreasonates
كبري واش ربي كبر و صغري واش ربي صغر ،
I try to find back to my heart, to the brimming empathy for humans, to the positivity, to the strong and uninterrupted inner streams and wells of creativity. Everything I once was radiating .
I try to build narratives in my head . I try to build religious conviction in my heart of marriage. But they can’t penetrate even my skin.
Somewhere along the lines of experiencing the raw reality of how conditional love is, it broke me in ways I can never repair, never go back to my skin. I can’t Unsee what I’ve seen . It broke my innocence . My naive hopes.
I dont even know how the winter passed by me.
Until I found myself in the middle of the spring.
All this because of one man.
One man who I find myself having internal battles with.
Can't stop replying the scripts. Can't stop winning a lost battle.
In an endless circle I keep circling.
The disease is in me.
I wasnt battling him, I was battling me.
Again and again , and again and again and again and again.
Misty spring.
Saitama, Japan.
Here is my interpretation of your dream, drawing on psychological and symbolic frameworks as well as themes from your own life context.
The Central Theme: Invisible Pain
Your dream's core message is about emotional needs going unheard while the practical world moves on without pause. You were the only one distressed by your own death — everyone around you treated it as a logistical matter already handled. This mirrors a well-documented dream pattern where the dreamer feels profoundly dismissed, which psychologists interpret as surfacing real-life feelings of emotional invisibility or unmet needs for validation.mirrorwithin+1
Death as a Metaphor
Dreaming of your own death rarely predicts literal death. It typically symbolizes the end of something significant — a phase, an identity, a way of being — or a deep fear of being overlooked during a major personal transition. You knew you were going to die, which suggests you may be aware in waking life that something important is ending or shifting (a role, a plan, a relationship dynamic), and you're processing the anxiety that surrounds it. Given that you've been navigating a delayed business launch, career preparation, and multiple life responsibilities simultaneously, this "death" may represent the version of yourself that is being stretched thin.mysleepadvisor+1
The Tiny Room: Feeling Boxed In
The room was too small for your body — like a North African toilet. This is a striking symbol of inadequacy of space, both literal and emotional. You recognized it wouldn't fit you, yet it was presented as final. This often represents feeling squeezed into circumstances that don't accommodate who you actually are. The comparison to a toilet room adds a layer: it's a private, undignified, utilitarian space — not the resting place you deserve. Your subconscious may be saying: the space life is offering me right now is not enough for me.[mirrorwithin]
Cold, Hard Soil: Emotional Bareness
Your worry about the soil being cold and hard underneath your body is a powerful image of lacking warmth and softness where you need it most. Cold ground in dreams commonly reflects emotional isolation, a search for security, and a sense that the foundation beneath you feels harsh rather than supportive. You weren't worried about death itself — you were worried about how it would feel to be alone in that coldness. This points to a fear not of endings, but of enduring hardship without comfort or tenderness from others.mirrorwithin+1
The Blue Satin Mattress: A Plea for Comfort
Your sister's beautiful blue satin mattress is the most emotionally loaded object in the dream. Blue often symbolizes calm, trust, and depth; satin suggests luxury, softness, and sensory comfort. You asked for it not as a luxury but as basic protection from the cold — yet she was indifferent. A mattress in dreams represents foundational emotional support, security, and how well you are cared for at the deepest level. Her refusal symbolizes a specific wound: someone who has what you need (emotional warmth, comfort, softness) but won't share it, not out of cruelty but out of indifference. That indifference is what stings most.dreamatlas+1
Family Indifference: The Deepest Cut
No one at home was receptive. They sorted the practical arrangements but ignored your emotional reality. This is a classic dream expression of feeling that your inner world is invisible to those closest to you. It doesn't necessarily mean your family is cruel — it may reflect a pattern where you are the one who manages, organizes, and cares for others (which matches your waking personality as someone driven, initiative-taking, and detail-oriented ), while your own vulnerability goes unaddressed because people assume you're fine.dreamstellers+1
The Woman in White: The Last Hope, Also Indifferent
The woman in a white uniform with a metal trolley — whether doctor or body-washer — represents institutional or professional care. She's the last person you turned to after family failed you. But she too didn't care about your feelings, only her task. This suggests a frustration that even systems meant to help (medical, professional, bureaucratic) engage with the mechanics of your situation while ignoring the person inside it. Her metal trolley reinforces coldness — steel, clinical, impersonal.[mirrorwithin]
What the Dream Is Telling You
The entire dream loops around one experience: you are carrying real emotional concerns, and no one — family, sister, professionals — stops to listen. The death isn't the point; the loneliness within the death is. Your subconscious is likely processing:
A feeling that you give more emotional attention to others than you receive back
Frustration that practical needs get addressed in your life while emotional ones are treated as secondary
A deep wish for softness, warmth, and someone who gets it — represented by that blue satin mattress
A fear that in a moment of real vulnerability, you would face it alone
There is khair in your delay, even when it feels hard to accept. The delayed appointment, the result that keeps waiting, the du'a that seems unanswered. None of it means you are rejected or forgotten. It means the timing is still being written with wisdom you cannot see yet. Some things are not denied, they are delayed because your heart needs patience, and your soul needs tawakkul.
The first sin was listening to waswasa.
what a perspective shifter when you understand waswasa as the author has explained it https://www-ibnelqayem-com.translate.goog/ar/books/eghath-allhfan-fy-msayd-alshytan-13?page=233&is_intro=0&_x_tr_sl=ar&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=sv&_x_tr_pto=wapp
jag tog dig in i mitt hjärta ,
förseglade den,
så att du växte och blev sjukdomen där i.
jag är trött på dig och din röst ,
jag vill få bort dig ur mitt hjärta,
Och ha den hel och ren. Din skönhet och charm har blivit till en irritation,
jag har ångrat dagen jag pratade dig .
blue heart
🩵
my vividness , my care , is dust that has passed me.
with a cold and surviving heart I stand here.
Not sure about love and it’s language ,
for now Amina is carrying a blue heart. An unfamiliar heart.
A cold heart.
my body is is just following the motions.
Listening to wise scholars.
Sheikh Hamza Yusuf and how he said our purpose here is dhikr, not work and providing.
And the way Dr Umar mentioned that we are the generation that has to keep the islam flowing and to teach children.
This is what i want to follow and do .
Not to be tasked with thinking and making calculations of a future i can't make sense of .
Reminder to self :
{Obey God and His Messenger and do not dispute with one another, lest you falter and lose your vital strength. And be patient, indeed God is with the patient}
[Anfal: 46]
وَأَطِيعُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ وَلَا تَنَـٰزَعُوا۟ فَتَفْشَلُوا۟ وَتَذْهَبَ رِيحُكُمْ ۖ وَٱصْبِرُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ
BK The Artist
هلال الأول من شعبان، ١٤٤٧
January 20, 2026.
يُستجابُ لأحدِكم ما لم يَعجَلْ.
قيل: وما الاستعجالُ يا رسولَ الله؟
قال: يقولُ: قد دعوتُ وقد دعوتُ فلم أرَ يُستجابُ لي، فيستحسرُ عند ذلك ويدعُ الدعاءَ.
The supplication of every one of you will be granted if he does not show impatience.
It was asked: What does showing impatience mean, O Messenger of Allah?
He said: It means that a person says: “I supplicated and I supplicated, but I did not see any response,” and then he becomes frustrated and abandons supplication
imam sufyan thawri (ra): “the dead are more in need of prayers than the living are of food and drink.” [sharah sudoor e suyuti, pg 167]
may Allah (swt) bless us with loved ones who’ll remember and pray for us even after our deaths, ameen.